New on TV Kitchen Nightmares

The success of Hell's Kitchen on Fox led to this American version of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, which has been running on BBC America. I was concerned about Fox doing the US version, given that it's a show that perhaps doesn't need a dose of that Fox attitude.

Based on the first episode, my concerns were only partially allayed.

On the positive side, the show mostly follows the original's blueprint. Ramsay shows up, tries some of the food, watches the workings of the restaurant for a day, and then makes changes. But the way this plays out is wrong. More time was spent showing the staff arguing or the hotheaded restaurant manager looking to fight bill collectors than on talking about turning the restaurant around.

When that does start, the show then gets too Extreme Makeover by springing for new kitchen appliances. The original never did that, and my take is that it allows the manager to get away with the poor decisions he'd previously made regarding the kitchen. I suppose it should be comfort enough that he finally learned that he was the restaurant's biggest problem.

The way the show was put together reminded me of Nanny 911 more than the original of this show. I think it's the production and the voice-overs. Or perhaps it's all the yelling.

Oh, one change that I did not like is that they don't go back to the restaurant to see if the changes had stuck and how the restaurant was now faring. Could be that they taped too recently to do this effectively, but that's an interesting part of the original that they should have kept.

It's not a bad adaptation, but I wish it was more like the original.

New on TV: Merv Griffin's Crosswords

I caught this pretty much by accident last week (it's on during the dinner hour on the MyTV affiliate in New Hampshire), and it was interesting, if not particularly compelling.

A group of five contestants try to solve a crossword puzzle, with two contestants playing for money and three others acting as spoilers. If the spoiler gets a word correct, they can choose to replace one of the money contestants, who then moves to the spoiler's podium. So if you like marginal word games and lots of walking, this show is for you!

At the end, the player with the most money gets to play the bonus game, which is 90 seconds to complete the puzzle. It's enough time, though the rigamarole that the contestant has to go through for each word - say the clue number, host repeats, screen zooms in on word, host reads hint, player gives and spells answer, host verifies - there's a lot of time lost in process.

The big prize was a trip to Mexico, which harkens back to the great syndicated game shows of the 1980s. If only AMC were still around to give away Eagle station wagons to five-time champions.

So no, it's not a great show. It's better than the likes of Starface, though.

The South Shan't Rise Again

We have our first casualty of the new TV season, as Fox yanked Nashville after just two airings. Given its similarity in set-up to the youth-oriented Laguna Beach, I'm not sure why Fox put this show on Friday nights, when most of the young people are out doing stuff.

This is one of the shows I skipped over in the LaPlaca in favor of shows like Cane and Rules of Engagement, both of which did well in their season premiers this week. I am not going to do well this year.

New Season, New Losers?

As a new season gets into gear tonight, let's take a look at the shows whose demise I've predicted in the LaPlaca Open, ranked in order of bonus points I'll get if the show gets the axe:

10: Carpoolers - I've read nothing positive about this show, and the promos on ABC have not been helping. It also features Jerry O'Connell, who I don't exactly think of when it comes to comedy.

The one saving grace this show may have is that it's not up against any blockbusters. And if Cavemen manages to draw people in, it may survive as the bridge into Dancing With the Stars.

But I don't think so.

9: Moonlight - It's bascially Angel for the moms of that show's fans. That or this show about a LA vampire turned detective is just an amazing coincidence.

Fridays are pretty quiet to begin with, so I'm not sure how this will fare against the praised but lightly sampled Friday Night Lights or ABC's new female-centered line up of Women's Murder Club and Men in Trees.

8: New Amsterdam - more immortal crime fighters, but this time a NYC cop whose been living for hundreds of years. Fox pushed this back to mid-season, which suggests a lack of confidence and, hopefully, a mid-season burn off.

7: Lipstick Jungle - another mid-season pick, not sure why I went with it other than it seems awful late in the game to try to rip off Sex and the City. For now it looks like it's going to take the Sunday at 10 spot for NBC, which seems an odd replacement for Sunday Night Football.

6: Cavemen - I thought there was a rush to judgement on this show based on its genesis from Geico ads, but when the negative press continued based on early show reviews, I figured I'd jump in. Novelty may keep this afloat for a while, and I hope we don't have a repeat of Til Death where enough people watch to keep the show going until it finds itself.

5: Rules of Engagement - kind of desperation pick, really. I'm hoping it gets lost between Heroes and 24. I should have gone back and taken a shot at Notes From the Underbelly.

4: Scrubs - I didn't read that this was an official last season, so I got uck here. Just didn't rank it highly enough.

3: According to Jim - yes, I went back to the well. It can't live forever. Can it?

2: Cane - kind of counter-intuitive, given the growth in Hispanic programming, but reviews are pretty marginal, and I'm counting on the desire not to watch crap transcending ethnicity. It has to, otherwise we'd still be stuck with Freddie.

1: Chuck - a total guess here, based on what reviews I could find. Could work with Heroes, perhaps by cutting that show's bombast with some humor.

Popular picks I didn't make:

Viva Laughlin - really should have gone with it. The bizarre factor will only keep it on the air for so long.

K-Ville - I have hopes for this show, given that it's not set on either coast and has a cast whose diversity isn't the obvious by-product of a marketing team. I do worry that Fox will make it more about swamp boat chases and New Orleans atmosphere than anything else.

Samantha Who - passed because it had a couple of decent early reviews and it has a nice time slot - at least for the fall. It may fade when it starts sharing Monday with Wife Swap rather than Dancing With the Stars.

Life - a cop unjustly sent to prison uses his experience when he rejoins the force after being released. It does have a very tought time slot, as Wednesday at 10 already has CSI: New York and the new Dirty Sexy Money.

Nashville - given its tankalicious debut last week, a clear miss for me.

What I Watched On My Summer Vacation

With the new season around the corner, figured it was high time to, you know, post something.

My plans for the summer, TV-wise, was to catch up with the backlog of recorded programs. That hasn't gone quite as planned, as we're only now up to the final finale for The Apprentice and are a good three or four episodes remaining on our other regular shows (most recent shocking plot twist: Mrs. McCluskey has her hubby stashed in her basement freezer on Desperate Housewives).

What's been slowing us down is our real-time (or close to real-time) summer viewing. Lots of food-related programming here - Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Dinner: Impossible. The wife also worked through all 700 hours of So You Think You Can Dance, most of which I was spared by the new placement of the computer relative to the TV.

Nerd programming also slowed us down, as we got through Simon Schama's The Power of Art while we have several History Detectives waiting for eventual viewing. I have solo nerd duty for Eureka, which I think I've enjoyed more this season than last.

We've had to pass on most other summer offerings, including a short-lived attempt to record Damages for future viewing. Sorry, Glenn.

This summer has proved to me, more than any other, that there is no more off-season for TV. I may never catch up.

Curses! Foiled Again!

It's old news by now, but given the ratings for the show I'm sure many didn't notice that According to Jim got picked up by ABC for next season. This was kind of a surprise, especially as there was some thought that Courtney Thorne-Smith was leaving the show.

I stop to mention this here because, for the second time in my life, According to Jim has been a stumbling block for me in the LaPlaca TV dead pool. It's not that big of a deal this time around - ABC's renewal of both Men in Trees and Notes From the Underbelly did me in well beforehand - but it was a rather nasty parting shot from the Alphabet Network nonetheless.

It must be something about family-oriented sitcoms. The very first year of the pool my lone miss was Yes, Dear, while the following year I took Reba and my first pass at Jim. I won't get into the year where I bet heavily on longer-running shows (Drew Carey, Becker, and Friends) and took it on the chin.

In any case, I can guarantee that of the 10 shows I submit this year, According to Jim will not be among them. I clearly am not the man to bring Belushi down.

More fun: the show or the sniping?

You would have expected a TV blog to comment on the end of The Sopranos in a more timely fashion than I am, but my late entry into the topic is explained by a simple fact.

I've never watched a full episode of the show.

Two pretty simple reasons for this: one, I'm too cheap to get HBO, and two, I've not watched half of the DVDs I have now to take on a new show. That being said, I know tangentially about the show, but wasn't really in the same mode as many people when the last episode cut to black. And I'm really not in the same mode as those who have vented their spleen at the lack of "payoff" in the show's open-ended ending.

But I have enjoyed the griping, such as this discussion at TV Barn. And I've gotten to enjoy it for free, saving the untold hundreds of dollars I'd have spent on HBO over the run of the show. So I should at least thank David Chase for that.

I can't really say if I'd have been mad at this ending were I a fan, but I will say that I was disappointed with the Homicide movie that was made to wrap up that series. Perhaps there are some stories that aren't meant to end cleanly.

It worked?

Fan protests rarely bring back a show once cancelled, and the various histrionics used in the attempt are, at best, fun to watch. You'd think after the annual rite, fans of cancelled shows would get the hint and, rather than create Internet petitions, sit quietly and wait for the DVDs.

Don't expect that to happen any time soon, now that fans of Jericho have apparently convinced CBS to bring the show back on a limited basis next season.

I'll admit to being one of those people who got away from the show after its mid-season vacation, always planning to catch up with episodes on Comcast On Demand but never quite doing so. I don't feel like I've missed much, but with this announcement and a summer with mostly reruns, I figure I'll get back on board. The only question is will I fall back off between September and whenever the show actually returns?

Water Cooler Talking Points: Lost

1. BOOM! - the surprise plan against the Others only partially works, as Jin misses his target. Sayid, Bernard, and Jin are captured, and the Other in charge threatens to kill Jin unless someone fills the Others in. Bernard cracks, and tells them that Juliet and Carl had tipped them off, and that the main group is headed towards the radio tower. They radio to Ben, who upon learning all of this decides to cut off the castaways before they can reach the radio tower and send their distress signal. He takes Alex along, planning to cast her away with the others for her role in sending Carl as a warning.

2. Down the hatch - Charlie is getting slapped around and interrogated by the women in the Looking Glass, as they try to figure out what he's doing. He pretty much tells them, and as they argue in private Desmond come up through the moon pool, chased away from the canoe by Mikhail, who is shooting at him. Mikhail, for his part, is there to check on the situation, and is ordered by Ben to kill everyone. He only gets partway through when Desmond comes out of hiding and shoots a spear into his chest.

3. Meet you at the tower - Ben does cut the group off, and tries to convince Jack that he has to confiscate the satellite phone because everyone will die if Jack allows the rescue to happen. Jack says no, and Ben orders the deaths of Jin, Sayid, and Bernard. We hear three shots on the walkie. Jack beats the crap out of Ben, and goes back to the group.

4. Now I want a Sunkist - before Bonnie (one of the Looking Glass ladies) dies, she tells Charlie that the code to disable the jammer is set to the tune of "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys. Good thing he's a musician. He punches in the code while Desmond gathers diving equipment. Charlie is successful, and immediately a transmission comes in - from Penny! She learns that Desmond is there, even though Charlie doesn't know where they are. He does learn that the boat that Naomi came in on wasn't sent by Penny. That's about all they have time for, as Mikhail (who escaped through the moon pool) shows up at the porthole with a grenade. He blows the porthole open, and water rushes in. Charlie seals himself in the room, saving Desmond but killing himself - but not before he writes a warning on his hand that the boat isn't Penny's.

5. Back to the beach - Upon the failure of the beach surprise, Kate wants to go back to save their friends. She asks Sawyer to join her, but he passes and tells her not to go. Surprisingly, not soon after he tells Jack he's going back. Kate is annoyed, and then moreso when Juliet joins him. She says she can get guns from a cache on the way. She kisses Jack before leaving; Jack will shortly afterwards say that he didn't let Kate join them because he loves her. Nice mixed signals! Anyway, Hurley tries to join Sawyer and Juliet, but is rebuffed due to his size. Not to be dismissed, Hurley actually saves everyone by using the Dharma van he found to storm the beach and run over the Others. Good thing, too, as Juliet was lying about the guns.

6. We're saved? - Once Charlie shuts down the jammer, Naomi gets a signal on the phone. She dials, but doesn't get to do much else before she dies - from a knife thrown into her back by Locke! (Earlier, while in the pit, he finds a gun with which he's going to kill himself, given his wound and the returned paralysis in his legs. Before he can do that, he sees Walt(!), who tells John that he can't kill himself, as he has work to do.) Locke tells Jack pretty much the same thing that Ben said, but Jack isn't buying it. Someone finally picks up, confirms that they can lock in on the phone's signal, and rescue them all. Well, except for Locke, who slinks off into the woods, and Rousseau, who had said earlier that she wasn't leaving.

7. Flash-what? - throughout the episode we get flashbacks of Jack, who is bearded and rapidly falling apart. His descent begins (appropriately) when he's flying into LA on an Oceanic flight, and when given a newspaper instead of another drink, he learns that someone has died. He takes the news badly, and plans to jump from a bridge - but he winds up saving a woman and her son from a burning car wreck (which he kind of caused). We watch Jack get worse up to his going to the funeral for our unnamed corpse, and it turns out Jack was the only mourner. After several aborted calls during the flashes he finally talks to the person he wants, and sets up a meeting at the airport. Turns out he was calling Kate - and that the flashbacks are actually flash-forwards! Jack tells Kate that he's been using the free flights Oceanic gave the survivors, going to Asia or Australia every weekend in the hopes that the plane will crash and he'll get back to the island. He's now firmly on board with the idea that they weren't meant to leave when they did. She's less impressed, and tells Jack to move on. She then says she has to get back, as someone is expecting her. Not sure who that is, or who the dead person is (though Jack was surprised that Kate didn't go to the funeral, so it's clearly an island person).

I have to imagine that this is going to be a very different show when it comes back in January.

Finally, the Finale

A rather brisk American Idol final will give way, predictably, to a bloated results show tonight, but unlike the last couple of seasons, I don't think there's much predictability to who will win. I agree with Simon's end of show analysis that Jordan had the better night, but Blake had the best individual performance with his reprisal of "You Give Love a Bad Name." I won't go into the "official" song, a piece of light pop turd called "This is My Now" that sounds like something Dianne Warren would dislodge when she flosses. It's a perfect compliment to the other crappy "official" song.

That being said, I think Jordin is going to win. I'd not be particularly surprised if Blake won, but I don't see it happening. Jordin sings well enough to win the singing competition, and is personable enough to withstand the personality contest aspect of the show.

New on TV: National Bingo Night

I was prepared to hate National Bingo Night. And, in reality, it gave me plenty of reasons to hate it:

* The insufferable Aussie host, Ed Sanders. He CAN'T. STOP. YELLING.

* Awful editing, most notably in the whiplash-inducing jump cuts that seemed to crop up every 8 seconds or so.

* The continuation of the "stupid and hyperactive" school of contestants.

* The lack of forethought in trying to build suspense, such as when the host would talk about possible bingoes when, based on the numbers pulled, no one could be even one number away from a bingo.

* NBN "Commissioner" Sunil Narkar. At worst, he's a stereotype. At best, he's the commissioner but is also forced to be a referee and roam the crowd ruling on bingoes. Fay Vincent didn't even get treated this badly!

But it also gave me some reasons to like it:

* It's at least not the same glacial pace as NBC's game shows. This not only helps the hour move along, but it also helps the contestants seem less Ritalin-deprived than their NBC counterparts. At least on National Bingo Night, the screaming fits the overall tone of the show.

* The games were fairly interesting, though too convoluted. I'm thinking here of the game where the contestant had to guess if the ball coming down the chute had a red or black star on it. That was fine, but correct guesses correlated to some sort of wedding set up that the prop department spent at least five bucks to put together.

* NBN "Commissioner" Sunil Narkar, whose call of "no bingo" may be the closest we have to a catch phrase from the 2006-07 TV season. Which is sad.

Really, this seems like something Network 23 would have put on the air on an episode of Max Headroom. Actually, considering that that show was on ABC, they may have gotten the idea for the show from an unused script. It's a loud, obnoxious mess whose only reason for watching - to try to win prizes - is obviated by the ability to get winning numbers off of ABC's website after the show airs. Don't bother.

Upfronts: Fox

First, apologies for the delay on this. As hard as it is sometimes to follow Fox's scheduling, personal lethargy is mostly to blame.

What's gone? - no surprises here, really. If it was on hiatus, it's gone. We'll get some burn off this summer from Standoff, but that's about it.

What's back? - most everything returns in its normal place, although Fox is going to try to shift Bones to Friday again. It'll be on Wednesdays in the fall, but is scheduled to move to Fridays once American Idol returns. I'm thinking we'll see this move go the same way as last year's.

What's new for the fall? - we'll take this day by day.

On Monday we get K-Ville, a gritty cop drama set in post-Katrina New Orleans. Anthony Anderson stars, and apparently his character may be a little too pathological for some viewers. It'll be paired with Prison Break.

Tuesdays will lead off with New Amsterdam, which is about a New York City cop who is immortal. I don't know what they'll do with that hook outside of a lot of pantaloon-fueled flashbacks. It'll lead in to House.

Wednesday features the only sitcoms for the week, with newcomer Back to You getting paired with Til Death. Kelsey Grammer stars as a TV anchor whose fall from national prominence sees him return to his old station and his old partner - who is also his ex-wife (Patricia Heaton). Fred Williard is in the cast, too. Given the ages of the players, I have to think that Fox is looking to follow the CBS route and open its tent to all viewers... at least on Wednesdays.

Thursday is all unscripted, with Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? leading into Kitchen Nightmares, based on the Gordon Ramsay show seen here on BBC America. I'm a fan of the original, and will be interested to see how it translates. Given the common problems of some of the restuarants on the original, I'm not sure they can provide enough variety over the course of a standard US television season. On the other hand, there are plenty of crappy restaurants out there, so we'll see.

Friday is also all unscripted, with the American Idol spin-off The Search for the Next Great American band leading into Nashville. The former show needs no explanation, given the expository title and its genesis from Idol. The latter show takes a Laguna Beach-style examination of young people trying to make it in Music City, USA. I can't say I'm interested in either of these, and I'm not sure how many people in its target audience are going to be home on Friday night to watch.

Saturday and Sunday are unchanged.

What's new for spring 2008? - a couple more new shows here.

On Wednesday, when the Idol results show gets mercifully cut down to a half-hour, we get The Return of Jezebel James as its lead-in. From the folks who brought us Gilmore Girls, it features Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose as formerly estranged sisters brought back together when the older (Posey) asks the younger (Ambrose) to carry her baby. Good leads, and will likely be funnier than Notes from the Underbelly, though that is a very low bar.

On Thursdays we replace Kitchen Nightmares with Canterbury's Law, which is about a crusading defense attorney who will bend the rules to protect the wrongly accused. Pretty ho-hum, but it stars Julianna Marguiles and is from the folks behind Rescue Me and director Mike Figgis. So there's hope.

Once football is done, all of the comedies on Sunday move up an hour and the day ends with The Sarah Connor Chronicles, based on the Terminator movies. This is more of what I'd expect from Fox, though I'm dubious about the appeal given that it's been four years since the last (underwhelming) installment in the movie franchise. I may very well be underestimating things, though.

Oh, New Amsterdam is also scheduled to move to Fridays once American Idol comes back. This seems more likely to me than Bones being its schedule-mate.

Upfronts: The CW

Both The CW and Fox went today. I'm going to start with the netlet, as Fox's split schedule will take just a little bit more brain power to process than I have right now.

What's gone? - We knew that 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls were gone. The axe finally fell on Veronica Mars, to the chagrin of fanboys everywhere. Reba also got the heave-ho; no last second renewal this year. All of Us also got cut, which was also expected.

What's back? - While it's not on the fall schedule, One Tree Hill will return at mid-season, and with a twist. The show will jump ahead to post-college life for the kids, which is a good way to get the characters to catch up in age with the actors. No twists or time changes for the other shows.

What's new? - Replacing All of Us on Monday is Aliens in America, where a kid trying to fit in at school is given that much more to deal with when his family takes in an exchange student from Pakistan. I have no read on this show, but I like the concept. It'll hopefully make a nice pairing with lead in Everybody Hates Chris, though being in the Monday at 8 slot cues them up to get beat by CBS's sitcoms, Deal or No Deal, and Dancing With the Stars. Thanks for nothing!

Following Beauty and the Geek on Tuesday is Reaper, which follows a teen whose parents sold his soul to the Devil, and now the kid has to do leg work for Old Scratch. This figures to be lighter in tone, given the past credits of the production team and the involvement of Kevin Smith. I do hope there's an episode where the kid gets to deliver his parents, though. That'd only be fair.

Trying to mine ratings where Veronica Mars couldn't is Gossip Girl, which will follow America's Next Top Model on Wednesday. This is apparently based on a series of books where rich Manhattan teens have their secrets outed on-line by a blogger named, you guessed it, Gossip Girl. I really have no interest in this show, but it seems perfectly matched with The CW's top-rated show.

On Sunday, things start with a couple of unscripted shows, CW Now, which is like a younger Access Hollywood, and Online Nation, which gives network time to crap you find on YouTube. They seem oddly paired with Life is Wild, a remake of a British series where a veterenarian moves his family to a South African game preserve. Depending on the tone of the show, this may be better served after a couple of sitcoms (or as the lead-in to a more mature show).

Like pretty much every other presentation so far, nothing here really excites me, but there's also nothing approaching Happy Hour territory, either.

Water Cooler Talking Points: Lost

1. Here's the plan - with the Others' invasion coming the night after next, Jack takes a group of people to see how they're going to fight back. Turns out it involves the liberal use of dynamite, brought by Rousseau from the Black Rock. Juliet will mark tents as planned, but they'll be loaded with TNT rather than potential kidnap victims.

2. Can you see what I see? - While on the show and tell trip with Jack, Desmond has more flashes. Charlie sees this and asks for details, but Desmond denies the visions. He later relents, and tells Charlie he saw Claire and Aaron getting on a helicopter to go home. Only problem is, for this to happen Charlie does have to die - he'll swim into some location, flip a switch, and drown.

3. Hey, there's just the place for that! - As an alternate rescue plan, Sayid suggests cutting off Rousseau's broadcast so he can use its frequency to call the ship that Naomi flew off from. Juliet says that won't help, as the Others have been jamming her signal from the Looking Glass - an underwater station that is flooded but can be shut off if someone swims in to shut the station down. Guess who volunteers? Before going out to the station, Charlie compiles a list of the five greatest moments in his life (the subject of this week's flashbacks): hearing Driveshaft on the radio for the first time, learning to swim, getting a family ring from his brother, saving a mugging victim and being called a hero, and meeting Claire. He writes this on a list, which he gives Desmond to bring back to Claire.

4. Change of plans - at the start of the episode we see a guy get in an outrigger and start paddling. Turns out it's Carl, who snuck back to the other island to be near Ben's daughter. When Ben returns from meeting Jacob, he says that Jacob has told him to move the attack up to that night. Ben's daughter tells Carl, and says that Carl has to warn the Lostaways, as they saved his life. Carl does this; with the new schedule, Jack and Rousseau realize they can't get the tents wired in time. Sayid suggest shooting the dynamite to set it off, and he finds shooters in Bernard and Jin. Sayid opts to stay as well, which cheeses Jack off until Sayid tells him to act like a leader and lead the group to the radio tower, where they'll wait for rescue.

5. More change of plans - Desmond and Charlie follow the cable that Hurley found out to the Looking Glass (why they just don't cut the cable I don't know). Desmond offers to take Charlie's place, thinking that perhaps that's what's supposed to happen. Charlie seems to accept this, at least until he brains Desmond with an oar. Charlie slips the list into Desmond's pocket and dives in. He barely reaches the moon pool entrance to the station, which is clearly not flooded. He gasps for air and rejoices in being alive - until two women with guns come out and draw a bead on him. So much for switch-flipping.

Most Surprising Ever?

I'll admit to being quite surprised at the Blake-Jordin final that was revealed on American Idol tonight. Melinda was barely in jeopardy all season, and as touted was the most consistent of all the performers. And even though that consistency was excellent, perhaps it got a little boring?

I do think this is the most surprising elimination ever, though I'd be interested in hearing what others think. The only one that comes to mind that's close is Tamyra Grey finishing behind Nikki McKibbin in the first season. Anyway, thoughts?

Upfronts: CBS

For a leading network, there was, as expected, not that much turnover in shows, as they Eye will debut five shows in the fall. They were the first to drop a bomb as to what wasn't coming back, so to speak.

What's gone? - starting here to note the cancellation of Jericho, which started strong but suffered in the ratings after its mid-season vacation. Whoever thought that was a good idea, especiall for serial dramas, is hopefully no longer employed in television. It's too bad the show had to suffer for the decisions of programmers; it wasn't the best show on TV, but it was a nice change from the usual CBS fare.

Also getting the heave-ho, in less surprising fashion, were The Class, Close to Home.

What's back - Rules of Engagement got picked up, and will take the 9:30 slot on Monday. Without a Trace returns to Thursday at 10, and gives its old Sunday at 10 timeslot to Shark. Both are reasonable moves, I think. Moreso than keeping Engagement.

What's New - The new comedy on Monday is The Big Bang Theory, which features two geniuses who have a hottie move in next door. Comedy ensues. I'd feel less charitable about this if it weren't airing between How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men. It's also from Chuck Lorre, the producer of the latter show.

Cane features Jimmy Smits as the leader of a Miami family who is trying to protect its rum and sugar interests from family and business intrigues. It's got a pretty good cast, adding Hector Elizondo and Rita Moreno among others. Aaron Barnhart wasn't sure how this will succeed in the slot that saw Smith die an early death, but I think this show is sufficiently different that it won't go down like every heist-related program that's aired in the past year or so.

Jericho's replacement on Wednesdays is Kid Nation, where a group of minors is brought into a ghost town and given 40 days to turn it into a running community, with government, services, the works. I suppose it's more family-friendly than post-nuke Kansas, but I have no idea how this is going to work with the rest of CBS's night. Maybe it'll counter-program the dramas on other networks. Still, odd.

Replacing Close to Home on Fridays is Moonlight, which follows the adventures of a vampire-turned-detective. No word yet if they're using Angel spec scripts or just re-shooting episodes wholesale. It figures to pair well with Ghost Whisperer, though I wonder if it will be too "edgy" for the average CBS viewer and not enough so for former Angel viewers.

I'm pretty interested in how Sunday will turn out, as the venerable 60 Minutes will lead into Viva Laughlin, the US version of the British show Viva Blackpool. It's the story of a guy trying to open a casino in the face of family drama, a murder investigation, and musical numbers. Hugh Jackman has a recurring role, which seems like overkill. He needs this work? This might be a little too loopy to lead into Cold Case, but it'd be a nice change from the usual stuff that is on early Sunday nights.

The most notable mid-season replacement is Swingtown, a drama about wife-swappers in '70s era suburban Chicago. The only notable name among the cast is Grant Show. I'm not sure where this would go in the line-up, though I assume it'll either take Cane's place if that falters, or at 10 on Friday if Moonlight tanks and they move Numb3rs to 9. I can't see this show airing in any other time slot, given the subject matter.

CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler noted that the network wanted the new shows this year to be "daring and different," and with more variety (a good thing given their reliance on procedurals). I think they've succeeded in the variety aspect, and the shows are at least different from the expected CBS standpoint. I'm not sure if they're daring, though. I will say that I'm moderately interested in Cane and Viva Laughlin, which is more interest than I've had in the new stuff that NBC and ABC is rolling out.

It Was a Hot One, Apparently

Three singers, three songs each on American Idol last night. The first round of songs saw a judge pick a song for a singer (Simon chose "Wishing on a Star" for Jordin, Paula tapped "Roxanne" for Blake, an Randy selected "I Believe in Me and You" for Melinda). The second round had the producers pick the songs, while the last round was the singer's choice. Both Jordin and Melinda went with songs they'd done before, while Blake didn't. Don't think that will matter, but it was interesting.

No real complaints, all the performances were as expected from these three. I'm not sure they were always as hot as Randy said they were (hyperbole from Randy? Never!), but no one performed poorly.

I still think we're setting up for Melinda and Jordin in the finals, but Blake and Melinda wouldn't surprise me. If Melinda somehow doesn't make it I'd be very surprised; that could be the most unexpected result in Idol history.

Water Cooler Talking Points - House

1. House 2.0 - the patient this week is a kid who, like House, is an insufferable jackass. Unlike House, the kid is suffering from cluster headaches and is prone to violence, as witnessed by his savage beating of a chess opponent. He undergoes the usual battery of tests and early misdiagnoses - and a treatment using magic mushrooms - before going into liver failure.

2. That's a new location to bleed from - later treatments lead to almost psychotic violence, during which the patient intentionally pees himself. The joke winds up being on him when his urine becomes mostly blood. Turns out his kidneys are shot, too.

3. Checkmate - after playing a game of chess with the patient in order to use stress as a diagnostic tool, House realizes that the way the patient holds his chess pieces is indicative of a missed symptom - joint and body pain that was original ascribed to the patient's history of fighting. House then comes up with the winning diagnosis, hemochromatosis. The kid will be on dialysis for the rest of his life to get the excess iron out of his blood, but will always be a jackass.

4. Don't leave on my account - Foreman has a job interview scuttled, and assumes it was House. There's a daisy chain of accusations from House to Cuddy to Wilson to Cameron to Chase back to House. Looking back, I don't think we ever sorted out who cancelled it. In any case, Cuddy offers Foreman twice his salary and a chance to head up his own, independent diagnostic unit. He turns the offer down, as he'd still be working with House.

5. Meanwhile, in the clinic - a sunburned patient comes in concerned about the pale white spots in his sunburn. House squirts him with a syringe of saline, which he then sells to the patient's son in return for the $1.41 in change the kid has. He agrees, and House then starts placing the change in the locations the kid put it on his father's body after dad fell asleep in the sun.

Upfronts: ABC

While nowhere near as dramatic as least years bevy of new shows, ABC is rolling out nine new shows for next season - actually, it's more like six new shows and three shows we've been introduced to this season. And if NBC is following Heroes into slightly nerdy territory, you can say that ABC will continue to find its softer side in the wake of Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty, though not nearly in as pronounced a fashion as NBC's trending.

What stayed? - ABC is returning exactly one sitcom from this year's schedule: Notes From the Underbelly, which comes back at mid-season. My LaPlaca entry thanks you. There's also some talk that According to Jim's status is up in the air, even though it wasn't on the announced schedule. Thanks again. On the plus side, I did read somewhere that Knights of Prosperity may make another short-run appearance next season. No official word today, but that'd be nice.

October Road also made the cut for next season, and like Underbelly it'll show up on Monday once Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor wrap their fall seasons.

The other returning shows were picked up early, and the only notable things are the January 2008 return for Lost and Men in Trees getting stuck on Friday's at 8... which seems too early for a romantic dramedy.

What's gone - as I noted above, it was a hard year to be an ABC sitcom, as they mostly got the axe. For dramas, nothing came back from hiatus, so don't expect to ever learn what happened to The Nine or what the hell was in that box on Six Degrees.

What's new? - We'll take this day by day, as most weeknights have at least one new show.

On Monday, the sitcom Sam I Am will give a buffer between Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor for the fall, and then pair with Underbelly between Wife Swap and October Road for the spring. The show stars Christina Applegate as a woman who has come out of a coma and doesn't remember any of her life. ABC's aired worse, and it may appeal to folks who enjoy the Ava story line on Grey's Anatomy.

Tuesday brings two new sitcoms. One, Carpoolers, is about four people who share rides to and from work. Woo. The other may be the season's most talked-about sitcom debut, Cavemen. Yes, it's the show spun off from the Geico cavemen ads. I don't know if they can sustain a season on this premise, but I'll be watching. If it works, expect NBC to work up something about the heroics of the Aflac duck for mid-season.

The most changes come on Wednesday, where ABC will run three new dramas until Lost returns to take the place of whichever one tanks. Pushing Daisies is about a guy whose touch can revive the dead. This leads out into Private Practice, the Grey's spin-off, which is then followed by Dirty Sexy Money, which stars Peter Krause as a lawyer who is trying to keep out of his family firm's intrigues, but without success.

This night gives us our first battle for next season, as Practice will air opposite The Bionic Woman. It'll be interesting to see what the other networks put up here. As far as the other two shows go, Daisies is the more interesting premise, but I'd expect Money to do better given the time slot.

Thursday puts men into the mix with Big Shots, which gets the post Grey's slot. It follows four high-ranking executives and their crappy home lives. Good cast, I think - Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus, Joshua Malina, and Dylan McDermott. It'll be interesting to see if it can finally slay the dragon that is ER.

Friday's 9pm show is Women's Murder Club, which comes from a couple of writers from The Shield, which suggests promise. It's based on James Patterson's novels, which will bring some level of pre-developed fandom. They could do worse here, and at least it makes Men in Trees at 8 seem a little more sensible.

There are also some other mid-season shows out there, including:

Cashmere Mafia - yet another Sex and the City clone.
Eli Stone - where the title character has a brain aneurysm that may or may not be behind his newfound desire not to screw the little guy.
Miss/Guided - High school repeats itself as an unpopular girl returns to her alma mater as guidance counselor, but finds herself thwarted by a popular cheerleader who has returned to be an English teacher. It's like a more realistic Ed!

Overall... I'm not sure. Things seem to make sense when on the page, but it's really going to depend on ABC delivering solid programming and promoting it appropriately. Neither task is exactly in their wheelhouse. And I can't say that I'm dying to see any of these shows. I'm also not sure why The Bachelor is still around, though there must be some sort of highly selective, well-monied demographic behind it. The schedule is probably enough to keep NBC in fourth, but not enough to move ABC up.

Upfronts: NBC

It's that time of year when the networks bring in the advertisers to unveil their schedules for the 2007-08 season, hoping that they'll pre-sell as much of their ad time as possible. First up this year is NBC, who is looking to improve on their impending fourth place finish for the season.

What's Back>? - you probably heard that Friday Night Lights is back, and that Law & Order worked out a last-minute deal. Lights will actually move to Friday - good luck - while L&O moves to Sundays, while L&O: Criminal Intent moves to USA, with reruns on NBC Saturday nights. Scrubs is back, which is somewhat surprising. I should be less surprised that Medium is back, but given the way NBC has mishandled the show a renewal is the least they could do. Las Vegas is also back, for reasons I cannot comprehend.

Odder still, the more family-friendly Lights is on at 10, and is preceded by Las Vegas. Wouldn't it make more sense to have the shows swap time slots?

Oh, we're also getting 30 episodes of The Office, including a few that are an hour long. That doesn't suck at all.

What's Gone? - Crossing Jordan got the boot, and The Apprentice was fired, though it may get rehired elsewhere. A bunch of the new stuff, from Studio 60 to the mid-season shows, also got the axe.

What's New? - not surprisingly given the breakout of Heroes, many of the new shows for next season have a sci-fi or fantasy bend to them. They include:

Journeyman, about a San Francisco newsman who starts traveling through time for some reason. It's tabbed as a "romantic-mystery" from NBC, so I'm thinking it'll be a cross between Love, American Style and Quantum Leap. It gets the post-Heroes slot on Monday, so it has a chance.

Chuck, a comedic spy thriller about a computer geek who becomes a secret agent after he manages to download confidential government data into his brain. I suppose a live action Freakazoid is too much to ask, but this seems pretty close. It's on Tuesdays, stuck between The Biggest Loser and L&O: SVU. This does not seem like a good fit.

Bionic Woman, a remake of the Lindsay Wagner vehicle starring Michelle Ryan (known to you, if at all, from her time on EastEnders. This airs on Wednesday after the second appearance of Deal or No Deal for the week. It is followed by Life, a drama about a cop who rejoins the force after being imprisoned for a crime he did not commit.

Heroes: Origins, is a prequel to the current show, which will introduce some new characters. It's touted as a "supplement" to the original show, so look for it to help bridge the gap from the mini-hiatuses the show took this season to ratings-eroding effect.

I'm tempted to include Lipstick Jungle as a sci-fi themed show as it's another attempt to clone Sex in the City, even using Candace Bushnell source material. It'll debut in January 2008 once football is gone, and I don't think well of its prospects given that it'll have Dateline, L&O, and Medium as its lead-ins.

And then there's The Singing Bee which will trade off with 1 vs. 100 on Friday nights. It's a singing show that sees how well people remember song lyrics, both with the music and without. Seems more like horror than sci-fi, really.

Not yet scheduled is an American version of The IT Crowd, a comedy about technical workers (dust off those Dweebs scripts!) and "minisodes" from Jerry Seinfeld about making Bee Movie. My guess is that they'll use the Seinfeld material to fill gaps during the week and during Sunday night football broadcasts.

I suppose there's some sense to all the sci-fi related shows, as it's a niche that doesn't get a lot of air on network TV and NBC can always spin shows to the Sci Fi Channel for reruns or first runs if they don't do so well in prime time. There may be too much for the average viewer, though, and I think it'll show with Journeyman and/or Chuck. I'm imagining a big push for The Bionic Woman, which could wind up facing off against Lost if ABC puts it back into its original time slot.

All in all, I don't think this is the line-up that's going to bring NBC out of fourth place.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

1. Where "Happy" and "Birthday" do not coexist - Flashbacks this week for Ben, who we learn was not born on the island, but outside of Portland as a preemie while his folks were on a hike. His mom dies after delivery, while one of the people who pull over to help Ben and his folks eventually gets Ben's dad a job on the island as a "work man," much to dad's dismay. He basically becomes a drunken lout, and blames Ben for killing his mom on one of his younger birthdays.

2. But she still looks good - This leads young Ben to run away, and as he's out on the sonic fence line, he sees his mom on the other side (this after briefly seeing her outside his bedroom window on a previous night). He goes to run across, but she tells him not to, that it's not his time. Ben returns on a later day with the codes to shut down the fence, where he crosses and meets a mysterious stranger (who we now know as Richard) who is one of the "hostiles."

3. Wait - there were other Others? - Apparently so, as this group of "hostiles" occasionally attacks the Dharma compound and workers. Young Ben asks the stranger if he can join, but Ben is told that it may take some time. Flash forward to an older Ben, now a work man himself, who (again on a birthday) joins his dad while making a delivery. The dad seems somewhat contrite about being an ass, and promises to try to remember Ben's birthday in the future. Ben says that's not going to happen, and he kills his dad with a canister of gas. Turns out that the rest of the people in the Dharma compound are killed the same way, thanks to the Hostiles, who meet up with Ben there afterwards. At least now know where he got the fratracidal task he gave to Locke and the faux gas plan when they bugged out.

4. And the Dharmites may have company - Speaking of Locke, he and present Ben go to see Jacob, who Ben claims he answers to (but not after Locke gets to give Mikhail a nice beat down when he questions Ben taking Locke to see Jacob). They get there, and Ben starts talking to an empty chair. Locke figures this is a joke or Ben is cracked, and he goes to leave. A non-Ben voice says "help me" to Locke, and he turns around. He argues with Ben, and turns on his flashlight. But Jacob doesn't like flashlights, and there's sudden chaos. Locke leaves, and Ben follows. On the way back to the Others' camp, Ben takes Locke by a pit which contains the bodies of the gassed Dharma folks, to show Locke where he came from. Ben then adds Locke to the pit by shooting him, and then asking Locke what Jacob said. Locke eventually tells him, and Ben leaves Locke to die.

Oh, Ben also talks about how either the "hostiles" or the Dharma folks had to be wiped out, as they couldn't live together. Another paralell to our current situation.

5. Meanwhile, back on the beach - Sawyer is back, and he plays the tape for Sayid, who plays it for Kate, and so on until a mutiny is brewing. When Jack and Juliet return they are beset by angry beach-dwellers. Juliet has them play the other side of the tape, which details the plot to take Sun. But it turns out Jack and Juliet have been planning for the Others' arrival, though the details aren't given. It suggests resistance. We'll see.

Water Cooler Talking Points: House

1. Now we know how House can get some action with Cuddy - the differential of this week's case is interrupted when Cuddy comes down to have Foreman sign resignation-related paperwork. She makes some perfunctory comments about him being sure, he says he is, and she gives him a hug and wishes him luck. Foreman then announce his departure to Chase and Cameron; Cam wants to know why, while Chase plows ahead with the case. No wonder Foreman would later tell Chase that he never liked him. House, for his part, doesn't try to talk Foreman out of it, spending most of the episode goading him. Cuddy tries again later, while Chase believes that both Foreman and House are ashamed of the resignation.

2. Oh yeah, the patient - is a college-aged woman who starts coughing up blood during some martial arts, even though she wasn't touched. There's lots of give and take about this being an infection (House's first call) or something else. After she seizes and has her scalp tear open during a MRI, House diagnoses an extremely rare protein deficiency.

3. A needle in the eye - various tests and treatments (including the collection of cells from inside the eye, which was gross to watch) don't prove House's theory... until Cameron comes sneaking into his apartment to tell him she's progressed as expected for someone with the deficiency. The patient, Addie, is going to die. That is until House realizes that Addie actually tried to kill herself by ingesting drain cleaner, which caused esophageal bleeding that, when healing, left scar tissue that created a bridge between the patient's intestines and blood stream. An operation fixes this, but House breaks a promise to Addie by telling her parents how she got sick.

4. Wait, how did he figure that out? - it all goes back to the plot line whereby Wilson and House dose each other's coffee with anti-depressants and amphetamines, respectively. Wilson does this to make House feel better, while House adds speed to Wilson's joe to help diagnose Wilson's yawning (a side effect of anti-depressants). House twigs on to the dosing when he is smiling while telling Addie she's going to die; in confronting Wilson, House makes the leap to Addie never being happy and trying to kill herself. It made more sense in viewing, sort of.

5. House would like more clinic duty like this - a couple comes in because the guy's poop is floating. Both are vegans, and his stool should be sinking. House diagnoses that the guy is sneaking meat on the side. He confesses this to his girlfriend, Honey (played by Piper Perabo), who is a nutritionist (which apparently is how she knows about fecal buoyancy). House gets her personal info by having her apply for a job at PPTH. They meet later at a bar, and she quickly figures out House's interest isn't work-related. He lists the litany of his lesser traits, but she seems less freaked out by a misanthropic drug-loving meat-eating doctor than you'd expect a vegan nutritionist to be. God Bless Sweeps.

Stayin' Alive?

So it was all Barry Gibb-related songs tonight on American Idol, and after two songs per contestant there was no clear winner - outside of the opinion that Blake should put his beatboxing away for now.

All four contestants had one mediocre performance (or at least as mediocre as Melinda has been to date) and one better performance, but no one really shined. Simon thinks LaKisha and Blake are vulnerable, and I am tending to think that LaKisha will go.

New on TV: The Addison Montgomery Show

OK, it may be premature to consider this a new series - it's not been formally picked up, had its pilot mixed in as part of a larger Grey's event, and as far as I know doesn't even have a name yet. But I'm going to discuss it as if it's a new show, because I can't see ABC working this up and then deciding not to give it a go.

It starts with Addison taking a leave from Seattle Grace, which she uses to visit old married friends at one of those integrated holistic medical practices. She's not spoken to her best friend in over a year, thanks to her personal problems, and learns that her friend had her own problems, as she and her husband/medical partner have gotten divorced. They still work together and are friends, which seems to be the case. For now.

Addison has gone to see her friend for a reason - she's decided she wants to have a baby, and the friend is a fertility specialist. She does the work-up, but has to report to Addison that she's pretty much barren.

This is contrasted by the case of the week, a surrogate who, at the same time she was implanted with embryos, had sex with three men, leading to questions of both paternity and maternity. Addison also notes that the surrogate hasn't been getting a lot of pre-natal care. The surrogate has been neglecting this, but it also turns out that the practice's OB/GYN recently left the practice (driven out, apparently, by the advances of the practice's alternative medicine specialist). So Addison agrees to fill in, and discovers a problem with the pregnancy that may threaten mother and child. In the end, Addison manages to deliver the baby and save the mom, but not before she gets to berate all the possible moms and dads about how they care more about the child as property than they do about the baby or the surrogate's well-being.

Along the way we get to meet the other doctors in the practice, who are:

* The pediatrician who like to have sex with women he meets on the Internet, many of whom rob him;

* The therapist who can't get over her loser ex, especially after she runs into him at Whole Foods with his new, and very young, wife;

* The alternative medicine specialist, who is a "serial monogamist," which may explain why he and Addison have some sort of sexual tension.

There's also a B story about a couple that haven't had sex in 18 months. All the therapy isn't helping, but the actual doctoring uncovers a tumor that's likely to blame.

And that may be the problem with this show - there's a lot of talking, and not quite so much doing. Grey's could often benefit from less doing - especially between George and Izzie - but there's usually a decent balance between the soapiness and the medical drama. It is a pilot, so I suppose more talking may be needed as people are introduced.

The acting is good, and it's a pretty well-known cast that include Taye Diggs as the male half of the divorced couple, Amy Brennerman as the therapist, and Tim Daly as the alternative medicine guy. No complaints here.

I am curious as to whether or not this will be too much like Grey's in terms of inter-office romance. There's apparently a no-fraternization rule at the practice, but that hasn't stopped Daly's character from chasing off the OB/GYN, not to mention what'll happen when Addison moves in. Addison's best friend has a barely-unrequited thing for the front desk attendant, while the pediatrican made a pass at the therapist, which she was smart enough to rebuff given their friendship. I don't expect there to be no sexual tension - this is supposed to be soapy - but I think it'd be helpful if the show staked out a slightly different territory from Grey's, though I imagine it can't get too far away from the original, lest it lose too many carry-over viewers.

So I don't think this will be a slam-dunk, but it's got enough of the tone and content of Grey's to find its legs before the novelty wears off. Now ABC just has to find the right slot - and the right shows to put around it.

Water Cooler Talking Points: Grey's Anatomy

1. It's a bad month to be a Grey mommy - Susan Grey turns up in the clinic with hiccups caused by acid reflux. When drugs don't work she gets an outpatient procedure done on her esophagus. Meredith and her dad joke that Susan is making up symptoms in order to get them to talk; if true, it's working. At least until Susan returns to the hospital with complications, which turns out to be sepsis, which kills her. Thatcher isn't ready for this turn of events and slaps Meredith when she tells him, so I don't think they'll be talking much in the near future. Derek tries to console her, but Meredith finds more comfort commiserating with Izzie and Alex over some tequila.

2. Yang wishes they were Grey mommies - Yang is awoken one Saturday morning by the cackling of two older women: her mom and Burke's mom. Turns out they've been talking, and they've come to Seattle to help with wedding planning. Yang gets a little freaked out about this becoming a big wedding rather than a trip to city hall, but Burke wants a big wedding, so she sucks it up. She also asks Callie to be a bridesmaid, leading to more awkward interaction between her and Izzie during dress shopping.

3. No reason why it'd be awkward - Izzie and George wind up playing tonsil hockey on the elevator after lamenting about his planned transfer to Mercy West. They manage to stop before the elevator opens - with Callie waiting there, naturally.

4. Pre- and post-wedding cold feet - in a funny scene, both George and Burke go to Bailey for marriage advice. As they're taking up valuable clinic space and her time, she put them together to talk things out. Burke at least has the werewithal to not mention to George that he knows about him and Izzie.

5. Three languages, no waiting - the Ava plot line continues with the discovery that she's bleeding into her brain, and to fix it she needs to be awake during the operation. Sheppard takes the occasion to do some brain mapping, and we learn that Ava can speak French, Spanish, and German. That's all we learn before they have to stop the bleeding. The slim chance that she'd regain memories after the operation doesn't pan out. Alex takes her for a trip around the hospital grounds to give her new memories of simple things like feeling the wind.

Seven Day Ratings Bonanza

Last week, the Neilsen folks made public for the first time viewership figures for prime time TV shows that include people who watched the show up to seven days later on DVR. The results were pretty interesting, in that two of the week's top-watched shows - House and Lost - gained over two million viewers when the DVR watchers are added in.

When looking at the percentage of viewers gained by adding DVR playback, a number of NBC shows got some good news. Scrubs, 30 Rock and Friday Night Lights each saw viewer gains of 15 percent or more, while The Office was the percentage gain leader with numbers that rose over 30 percent.

What all this means is hard to say. Given the propensity of DVR viewers to skip over commercials, ad buyers are resistant to shell out more money for viewers who are less likely to see their spots. The networks, meanwhile, point to the increase in viewers and note that, to some extent, advertisers are getting free exposure due to rates set by traditional ratings.

How this will all play out - especially with upfronts looming - remains to be seen. I imagine the new ratings numbers will help the networks decide which shows to keep - assuming they can work out the money end with advertisers. Speaking from personal experience, while we tend to skip over ads when we're watching recorded programming, we do stop if we see somethingt that looks interesting or is from a series (such as the Mac and PC ads from Apple). Not sure how you'd quantify that for ad sales purposes, outside of improving the DVR to report back when viewers do watch the ads.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

1. Locke's week at camp - the flashbacks this week cover the time that Locke spent with the others after discovering that his father was on the island. For most of the week they were camped out on the island, and while talking to some of the Others, Locke learns that they were waiting for him, believing that there's something special about him given his being able to walk.

2. Ghost stories apparently not enough - to 'officially' become part of the group, though, Ben says that Locke must make a gesture of free will by killing his dad. Locke is unable to do so, getting more grief from his dad and feeling generally ashamed about the whole thing. Locke later learns from an Other named Richard that this was on purpose, as Ben wanted to make Locke look bad in order to downplay Locke's special nature and keep Ben as the leader. Richard has a suggestion for someone who could kill Locke's dad.

3. Getting someone else to do your homework - shortly after talking with Richard, the Others break camp. Ben says that Locke can't join them unless he brings along the corpse of his dad. Thus Locke hatches his plan, using Richard's suggested killer - Sawyer. Locke returns to the beach to get Sawyer, saying he has kidnapped Ben and wants Sawyer to kill him. They go to the Black Rock, where Locke says Ben is in the brig. He lets Sawyer in, and locks him in not with Ben, but with Locke's dad. Turns out that Locke's dad is the con man who, years ago, took money from Sawyer's parents, leading to their deaths. Locke's dad doesn't feel remorse at this, and reveals his belief that they're all in Hell, based on the discovery of the Oceanic 815 wreckage mentioned last episode. Locke's dad manages to goad Sawyer enough that he strangles Locke's dad to death.

4. Movin' on - after the killing, Locke tells Sawyer to go back to the beach and warn the camp that Juliet is a mole, and that the Others will be coming to kidnap pregnant women. Saywer notes that he's been saying she's a mole, but no one believes him. Locke then produces the recording Juliet left for Ben after she examined Sun (which Locke learned of early in the Others' campout), which Sawyer can use as proof. After Sawyer leaves, Locke goes to pick up the Others' trail, dead dad slung over his shoulder.

5. Meanwhile, back on the beach - Desmond, Hurley, Charlie, and Jin have Naomi (the parachutist) hidden in Hurley's tent. There's some argument about getting Jack to look at her, but Desmond argues that he can't be trusted given his relationship with Juliet. They then turn to Sayid, who questions Naomi, and seems pretty skeptical about her story - that her company was hired by Penny Widmore to check certain coordinates, and that she took off from a ship 80 miles west of the island - until she produces her radio. Sayid gets it working, but can't find a signal. It's at that point that Kate comes across Sayid, and she learns about all of this. Instead of keeping it a secret, she goes and tells Jack (and Juliet, at Jack's insistence). Apparently there's something Juliet wants to tell Kate and the other beach folk, but Jack says they aren't ready. For what, we're not told.

Another Kiss From a Rose?

Last week it was Jack Black and Seal. This week it's LaKisha and Simon, with actual lip-lock after her performance on this week's Bon Jovi themed American Idol.

Don't get too worked up about it, it was a kiss on the lips but not worth the photons being generated on chat rooms and such. The most notable thing about it was Simon's inability to get LaKisha's lip gloss off of his lips, which was reasonably funny.

LaKisha's performance was pretty good, the best she's done in some time, but it was another night of above-average performances - with one exception. Jordin had her first truly awful night, as her rendition of "Living on a Prayer" was doomed from the start. She seemed to know this, and agreed with all the judges' criticism, which should help a little bit, though with strong performances from Melinda, Blake, and - surprise? - Phil, Jordin needs to hope she's carrying over a lot of votes from last week.

I still think LaKisha is going home, last night notwithstanding. I'm also going to choose Chris - again - though it's as likely that Phil will go, which is too bad, as of the two of them Phil is the one demonstrating growth from week to week.

The show ended with a taped thank you from W and Laura Bush, and I have to say they may be the most wooden President and First Lady ever.

Water Cooler Talking Points - House

1. The yips - Foreman, a week removed from killing a woman, runs into a similar case with a leukemia patient who has had full body radiation in preparation for a bone marrow transplant from his brother. Before that can happen, the brother comes down with an infection. Foreman's overly-cautious approach to the case causes House to say he has "the yips," and that Foreman won't get over them. This approach leads Foreman to talk the parents into accepting a partial match donor for their cancer-ridden son.

2 He apparently got over them - The transplant using partial match marrow doesn't go well, and that son is dying of host versus graft disease. The infected son is also fading fast, and House makes the suggestion that they use the cancer son - who is going to die - to find out what the other son has by intentionally infecting him, as his lack of immune system will allow the infection to grow quickly. Just before allowing this, Foreman and Wilson figure out that the infected son has a fungus, which is treatable. As Foreman is giving the son treatment, he decides that even slightly fungal marrow is better than none, and gets enough for the transplant. But he apparently can't sedate the kid before harvesting the marrow, which requires several injections. Ouch.

3. He'd rather hit for average - In the aftermath of this, Foreman decides he'd rather kill fewer patients than save as many as House does, and gives his two week notice.

4. Dog gone - In non-medical news, House has taken in Hector, Wilson's dog from hell. House tried to rid himself of the pooch by leaving out a bottle of Vicodin and later leaving his door open, but all he gets for his trouble is a stoned dog and a stolen stereo. House gets to give the dog back when he learns that Wilson's ex has had her condo association rules changed to allow pets, and House seems a little sad at this - but too sad when Hector limps over to Wilson in a canine homage to House.

5. Is this still going on? - Chase is still on his weekly reminders to Cameron about his interest in her. She still isn't interested. I have a feeling sweeps may change this.

Water Cooler Talking Points: Grey's Anatomy

1. Medical Metaphor of the Week - the chairman of the board of Seattle Grace shows up as a patient. Turns out his trip to the Amazon left him with one more souvenir than he wanted: a candiru fish lodged in his nether regions. Before that diagnosis is made, we learn that his assistant fears she may have what he has, as she doubles as his girlfriend. Also showing concern is the chairman's wife, who shows up later.

All of this winds up being a shadow play about George's cheating on Callie with Izzy, as by the end of the show the chairman loses both his assistant and his wife (who knew about the assistant's, uh, "other duties as assigned"). Faced with the fact that he can't keep working with Callie and Izzy, George plans a transfer to Mercy West.

2. At least it wasn't a slap bet... though she may like that - we're about halfway through the no sex bet between Addison and Sloan, which would mean something if Addison hadn't already decided she didn't want Sloan. Her thoughts turn to Karev, and after an OR session where he makes the difference in Ava delivering her baby early, Addison jumps him (OK, it may have been more of a bipartisan jumping, but I say she started it). Karev later learns from Ava that Addison sees him as being the solid guy she wants. He disagrees, and later blows off Addison by noting she's not his girlfriend. Addison then leaves the hospital, turning to give a sad look to the building. It's almost like she's going to leave and take a new job somewhere else... that would never happen, right?

3. Bailey can't stop working - Bailey is assigned to the candiru case (along with almost every other surgeon at SGH), but also scrubs in when a regular clinic patient is found not to have a cold, but spinal fluid leaking from his skull. This freaks her out and drives her to work harder, which the Chief warns her about given how things have turned out for him. She just keeps working.

4. Get her some floaties already - Meredith tries to repair the damage caused when she told Derek he was hovering by being overly-communicative. He is still hung up on the Chief's talk from last week where he learned he could be Chief or with Meredith, not both. He's also still trying to get past Meredith's almost drowning, saying that he feels like he's still breathing for her (as he did after pulling her out of the water).

5. Please just get married and end this plot line, please! - Burke wants Yang to pick a cake with him. She doesn't care. He sees this as further proof of her disinterest in their impending marriage and life together. The whole SGH crew gets to taste cakes, and during this Izzy confides in Burke that she slept with George. He'd rather have not known that. Izzy tells him the red velvet is the best, which Yang also says later on. Burke takes this as proof that Yang cares; I see it as proof that Izzy told Yang what to say.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

Time for a new feature here, where I give you some talking points with which you can at least appear to know what people are talking about when they discuss the previous night's TV at work the next day. It's not intended to be a full-on recap, just five points to give you some reference.

1. Sun is having Jin's baby - there was some concern on Sun's part that she was carrying the child of her dead lover, given that Jin has a low sperm count and that they'd not been intimate for some time before the plane crash. Juliet, using equipment hidden in a room at Dharma Medical, confirms that the fetus was conceived on the island - thanks in no small part to the island's ability to quintuple sperm count.

2. Make that Sun is carrying Jin's baby, which is going to kill her before she can deliver - as you likely know, pregnant women on the island have a way of dying before they can deliver. By confirming that the fetus was conceived on the island, Juliet is pretty much passing a death sentence on Sun. She'll likely die before the end of her second trimester. Which, given the way time passes on this show, will be sometime in the ninth season. After they're done, Juliet tells Sun she's going back in to make sure their tracks are covered, but in reality she leaves a taped message for Ben about getting a sample from Sun, and that Kate is next. She also says she hates Ben, but after the recorded is turned off.

3. At least that's one less whore in Jin's life - the flashback part of the episode takes place just after Sun and Jin were married, when a woman approaches Sun in a park and says that if Sun doesn't pay her $100,000, she'll go public with Jin's background as the son of a fisherman and a prostitute. Given the shame that would cause Sun and her powerful family, Sun gets the money from her dad and pays the woman off - who, of course, is Jin's mother. Sun doesn't let her dad in on what's happening, and he claims that Jin will wind up paying off this debt by working for Mr. Paik directly. So we now know how Jin wound up becoming muscle for Paik.

4. He's not dead yet - meanwhile, the group that found the survivor from the helicopter crash also discover that she's been impaled by a branch, and is dying. As they squabble about taking her to Jack or running to get Jack, who should stumble across the group but Mikhail, the eyepatched caretaker of the Arrow station who had apparently died when being pushed through the Others' sonic fence (I assume he saw the flare that Hurley accidentally shot off). Mikhail was a medic in the Soviet army, and is able to patch up the survivor in return for his freedom - but not before he is caught trying to steal her broken sattelite phone.

5. But maybe the rest of them are? - the survivor (who has been speaking Spanish, Chinese, and Italian in her injured delerium) comes to, and asks Hurley where she is. He begins to explain about the island and the crash, and she perks up at mention of Oceanic 815. According to her, the wreckage of the plane was found, and there were no survivors. This takes Hurley aback, though it probably pleases everyone who has "the island is Purgatory" in the office pool.

Dialing for Dollars

So last night was the first part of the "Idol Gives Back" extravaganza that's taken over American Idol this week, and it went off pretty well, I think. There was a fair amount of footage of Ryan and the judges going places where there are people in need, mostly Ryan and Simon's trip to Africa but also vists to Louisiana, Kentucky, and a Los Angeles-area food bank that revealed - shockingly! - that there are indeed hungry people in America.

The singing, meanwhile, was pretty good overall. Melinda and Jordin continued their march towards the finals, while Phil continued to find that country suits him, even if his Garth Brooks didn't sound that twangy. Chris managed to combine nasal and Eric Clapton in a way that I found less irritating than normal, but not of any particular interest. Blake sang "Imagine," which I guess is inspirational if you're an anarchist. LaKisha took on Fanasia's Idol song, which is not that good of a song. Considering she's mentioned on a past results show that she was listening to Yolanda Adams, I can't figure out why she went with Fantasia's song - unless she thought that "I Believe" was the best she could do. Which is sad.

It's also why I think she'll go this week. It's the second week in a row where she's shown that she can't keep up with Melinda and Jordin, and she doesn't anything that really makes her unique, unlike Chris' nasal, Blake's beatboxing, or Phil's... baldness, I guess.

Tonight's a two hour star-studded extravaganza, where coincidentally many of the participants have an album coming out or are on a label that Clive Davis controls. Who knew?

Our Long National Whatever Is Over

I was surprised last night that Chris didn't wind up among the bottom three on American Idol, and was more surprised that Phil didn't, either. But what most surprised me was that we finally got to say goodbye to Sanjaya. I figured he was good for at least one more week.

And with him in our rear views now, I do wonder a bit why Sanjaya hit a nerve where other over-matched contestants of the past like Kevin Covais did not. He didn't seem as in on the joke as Chicken Little or John Edwards, but he wasn't totally oblivious to it, either. There was the weekly change of hair style, which became a thing only marginally less annoying that Ace Young's hat or Paul Kim's short-live performing in bare feet. And then there's Sanjaya's odd tweener status where gender is concerned, though if the pre-teens of the nation can reconcile his high voice and scraggly facial hair, anyone can.

In any case, I'm glad to see him go because he never should have been in the finals in the first place, but he was certainly helped by a fair amount of screen time prior to the semis. This show reaps what it sows, and will happily continue to do so as long as there's a bumper crop of ratings.

On an unrelated show note, I wasn't aware that there was some sort of dust-up over Simon looking like he was dissing Chris during his supportive remarks for folks down in Virginia. I saw this when it originally aired and didn't get that vibe, if only because Simon so often starts talking to the other judges during the contestant's remarks. Anyway, he explained what happened, and we were even given a split screen to show what happened. If nothing else, it was a good way to help fill another bloated results show.

Country When Country Isn't Cool

Given the lack of obvious country-types on this season of American Idol, last night's country theme seemed fraught. It wound up going better than expected, as both Melinda and Jordin returned to previous heights, while Phil had his best performance to date. Expect more country songs from him if he makes it through this week - I figure he'll make his usual visit to the bottom three but be safe (the Dial Idol folks list him as the only contestant assured of going through, but as they don't measure text voting I'm taking that with a grain of salt).

Some of the lowlights were expected - Sanjaya made a hash of "Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About," while Chris nasaled his way through some song called "Mayberry." Odd that Simon would have chosen last night to comment on the nasal, given that Chris has been doing it all season.

The wife thinks Chris is a goner, and I'll agree with her once again. For the third member of the bottom three, I'd go with Sanjaya, but would not be surprised if it's Lakisha, whose version of "Jesus Take the Wheel" could have gone better.

I have no idea how they're going to pad the results out again this week, but I'm assuming Martina McBride will be doing at least two songs. That or we're getting more group sings. The horror.

J. Blo.

Jennifer Lopez was last night's guest host on American Idol, with a theme of Latin music. All in all, it was a pretty mediocre show. No one performance stood out (though Blake Lewis was probably the best of the night doing a Marc Anthony song, which I guess is fitting). J. Lo. herself was OK, not as good of a guest performance coach as Gwen Stefani or Lulu, but better than Diana Ross. She did help a few people with movement issues, which didn't seem to fully translate on to stage.

Anyway, the wife thinks Haley's going, and her performance of "Turn the Beat Around" was arguably the worst of the night. And while it didn't work for me last week, I'll copy her pick this week. I figure Phil Stacey will be in the bottom three - the guy lives there, doesn't he? - with Sanjaya, whose understated (and mostly in Spanish) performance of "Besame Mucho" may not connect with the 12 year olds who vote for him. Even if it was his best performance to date (which is not saying much).

Nothing New on Idol

Everyone sang pretty much according to their level of ability for once, though both Blake and Chris R. may have benefitted a bit more than the others from the theme: songs recorded by Tony Bennett. And given how long he's been recording, that's a list that comprises something like 28 percent of all music.

In any case, the good were still good and the bad were still bad. Sanjaya slicked his hair back and wore a white suit, the closest approximation to being male he's had all season (and even so, he needs a shave, badly; whatever fuzz he has looks terrible).

As for who goes, the wife is predicting Phil Stacey, and she's been spot on the last few weeks, so I'll steal her pick.

Thwarted

For the first time since the 2002-03 edition, I will not have picked a full slate of cancelled shows for the LaPlaca Open. ABC's batch of early pick-ups for next season included Men in Trees, the quirky Ann Heche drama that has apparently done well enough on Thursday to get renewed.

On the positive side (for me, at least) is that Trees was the second-most picked show among pool participants. So at least I'm not alone.

So how's the entry looking at this point?

Cancelled: Happy Hour. This is the only show on my list that has been formally cancelled. It was the top pick among all entrants, and I certainly wasn't the only one who put it on the top of their list, earning 10 bonus points.

On hiatus: Justice, Help Me Help You, Twenty Good Years. There are as good as cancelled, in my book, but it's not official until they don't appear on the schedule at upfronts.

MIA but not dead yet: The Class, What About Brian. Neither is currently airing, but both could get picked up. Though I doubt it.

Still airing - for now: King of Queens, According to Jim. The former is ending its run, so it's just waiting for it to go bye-bye. The latter is looking to be the first show to thwart me twice, as I had it in that dreaded 2002-03 pool. That it wasn't among the shows ABC renewed last month gives me hope. What doesn't give me hope is ABC's lack of depth with sitcoms, and how they can't seem to launch a new one to save their lives. That just may keep Jim around.

Yet to air: Notes From the Underbelly. I was worried that this was never going to air, as that scores no points. Thankfully, ABC is finding time on the schedule for it now, in an unusual back-to-back burn-off in Men in Trees's spot.

I'd like to think that all of these shows will be gone for 2007-08, but clearly there's a couple of shows that could linger. Which leads to the question: can I still win this thing?

I think the answer is yes, but I would need NBC to never air The Singles Table (which, at just six episodes, seems like good summer burn-off fodder, but let's keep our fingers crossed) and there are five or six shows whose return would really help, most notably The War at Home and Gilmore Girls. I think the latter will come back, but I'm dubious about the former.

Hella OK

Last night's theme on Ameican Idol was songs by No Doubt or Gwen Stefani... or songs by artists that inspired Gwen Stefani. Which is how we had just as many songs by The Police as by Gwen and her (former?) band.

In any case, no one really wowed. Those who are usually good continued, while those who are usually not so good managed to carry over some of last week's improvement for the most part. Phil, Gina, and even Haley sounded better than their usual, which Chris Sligh sounded like ass.

Speaking of sounding like ass, Sanjaya looked to hide his vocal deficiencies behind a ponytail-created fauxhawk. It was gloriously awful. It will probably save him this week, even though he continues to be the contestant most worthy of being sent home.

Instead, I'm going with Chris R., whose nasal quality continues to bore me.

The Boobie Invasion

Last night's American Idol featured songs from the British Invasion, though I'm not sure if Bond songs or songs from Oliver! really count. It also featured a copious supply of boobies, most notably from Haley, whose chestal area seemed to be dancing to its own tune during her performance. Her top was also backless, and she was wearing very short shorts. Clearly, she knows what's going to keep her on the show. A month from now she'll be out there doing the fan dance.

Not sure if it was the surprising usefulness of Peter Noone and Lulu or just the general quality of songs not written in this age of Pro Tools, but there were very few bad performances. Notable in that context was Stephanie, whose performance I can barely remember, and Sanjaya (of course), who I would like to forget after his laughable version of "You Really Got Me." As bad as it was, it was probably his least annoying performance to date.

The best part of the episode, though, was the pre-teen girl who was blubbering from Sanjaya's performance on. She's occasionally lapse into bawling. She's going to be seeing these clips for the rest of her life. It's going to suck when she turns 100 and an animatronic Willard Scott congratulates her by showing her the footage. On the plus side, she may not remember.

Anyway, while Sanjaya should go - nothing new there - I'm thinking it'll more likely be Stephanie, who is clearly finishing last in the diva battle. Phil is a possibility, though this was easily his best week to date.

A Hairy Performance

What's worse than Sanjaya Malakar singing? Sanjaya Malakar singing while sporting Justin Guarini's hairdo. Still, as bad as the hair was, the singing was still the worst part of his performance.

And for all that, you know he's not getting voted off. My pick is Chris Richardson, the dollar store version of Justin Timberlake. Boring and nasal, not a good combination.

OK, America, this is easy

As confusing as it is for picking the top six guys on American Idol - as unfortunate as it is that Sanjaya and Sundance are likely going to make it through, it's not like the other guys have done much to distance themselves - it is very easy to pick the six women. You've got five - Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Sabrina, and Stephanie - who are clearly above the other three.

So that leaves one spot. For that you have Antonella, Haley, and Gina. Antonella's deficiencies as a singer have been well documented. Haley is the female version of Nick Pedro - assuming you can remember him (or her). Gina, while not possessing the greatest range, at least tries to sing songs that give a sense of who she is. When choosing between a human and two automatons (one of Antonella or Haley actually said singing was like clocking in and out of a job, it's hard to tell which one as I actually think they're two sides of the same person, like some freaky Face/Off variant), pick the human.

That being said, I have a bad feeling that we're going to be stuck with Antonella in the finals. My picks for the boot are Haley and... Stephanie. I know, I said she was better, but I don't think she stands out enough in that top group, while each of the three in the bottom group have a niche.

Sadly Familiar

The last guys semifinal proved to be much like the first on American Idol, as none of the 8 remaining men did much to improve their standing. About the only person who stood out was Blake, who mixed his beatbox thing in with a song by 311.

Now, if this were actually a singing contest, I'd not be here hoping for Sanjaya and Sundance's ouster. They'd already be gone (and in Sundance's case, he'd never have made it out of Hollywood week). But as it's a musical popularity contest, I fear that we may be stuck with both of them in the finals (and on the tour - enjoy!). But I'm going to look at this as a glass half full, and say that Sundance will get sent packing after his rendition of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy". As for the other spot... it could be almost anyone. I'm going to go with Brandon Rogers, who hasn't quite figured out the transition from backup to lead singer. But it could be just about anyone; the only surprises for me would be if Blake of Chris Sligh go home.

Frustrating

Just read that ABC is going to yank The Knights of Prosperity for a few weeks, and will replace it with a second helping of According to Jim.

While I've not been as floored by Knights as some people, I've enjoyed its rather unusual take on planning a robbery. I've certainly enjoyed it more than any amount of Jim I've seen.

It almost makes me wish that the sitcom actually would die.

I'm also a little bothered that this may represent renewed confidence in Jim. It's on my LaPlaca list, and would become the first show to thwart me twice if someone at ABC decides not to give the heave-ho. It'd be just my luck.

A Fitting Nickname

Vincent Pastore, who played "Big Pussy" on The Sopranos, has bailed on Dancing With the Stars after just one week of training. Turns out the physical demands were too much.

(OK, Pastore is 60, so there's that. Like I could do much better.)

Anyway, John Ratzenberger is stepping in to take his place. One can only hope that he shows two inches of white socks during his inaugural performance.

Five women, one spot

After tonight's installment of American Idol, one thing became very clear: Stephanie, Jordin, LaKisha, Sabrian, and Melinda should be in the finals. None of the other five women is a better singer than the worst one in this group. Which means that those five other women are fighting for the last spot.

Of those five, I think Gina is the only one who'd be able to keep up, and even then not for long. Were I picking who to cut, I'd go with Alania and Antonella, neither of whom improved much over last week. Haley and Leslie weren't much better, though I think they were marginally better than the other two.

The requests were less odd than last night, with the strangest being Alania dedicating "Not Ready to Make Nice" to her mom. There's a story there, and I'm sure Access Hollywood or the like will pick it up should she last much longer.

Stepping Out, Indeed

Dropping from 12 to 10 seemed to wake the guys up on American Idol tonight, and while they didn't match the level of performance that the women put up last week, they made up a fair amount of ground.

The lone exception would be Sanjaya Malakar, whose version of "Stepping Out" was straight out of a junior high talent show. I know he's got an entire demographic to himself, being the only teenaged male on the show, but the combination of a bad show and looking like the lost DeBarge child should mark the end of his run. He really should have waited about three years before trying out.

As for the other cut, there are three or four guys who could go based on being OK but not particularly memorable. The wife thinks Brandon Rogers will go, as the former backup singer has had two fairly marginal weeks. I could also see Nicholas Pedro getting sent home; his rendition of "Fever" was a marked improvement from last week, but he's patently unmemorable. He's the sort of guy you watch and think, "Is that Nick from Sales? Or is it Accounting?"

The theme of the night was to dedicate songs to people who inspired the contestants. Which is how we got Jared singing "Let's Get it On" to his parents and Chris doing "Geek in the Pink" for his grandmother. For those not familiar with the song, consider both the double entendre of the title and these lyrics:

"Well,I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forgetin' what you already know
That I could be the one to turn you out"

That is one messed up family right there. And Simon thought Chris Sligh was odd for singing "Trouble" for his wife, with its chorus telling of being saved by a woman. I assume he wasn't listening to the other guys.

Anyway, I'm going to second the wife's choices for who gets sent home. The fact that Sundance Head doesn't appear among them is a testament to the restorative powers of "Mustang Sally."

And speaking of back from the dead...

ABC has announced that Six Degrees will be returning to the airwaves in March with a Friday at 9 pm (Eastern) time slot. That might not be a bad time, as there's bugger-all on Friday nights outside of the CBS lineup. And there's only so many times during the week where ABC can rely on Grey's reruns.

I don't expect that this will do much more than burn off whatever's left, which is good given that it's a chance to provide some sort of wrap-up. Assuming you can remember what was going on when the show last aired, which I mostly can't (outside of Hope Davis's character getting a kiss from her boss - her female boss). I assume we'll learn what's in that box, but part of me wants it to stay secret and have it wind up on Lost somehow. JJ Abrams would find a way to make this work.

Are there sharks in Elliot Bay?

I don't think too many people are going to need help figuring out when Grey's Anatomy finally went around the bend. If it wasn't last night's episode, it will never happen.

(Unless Mere winds up being a surrogate for Yang and Burke's baby, but let's not plant seeds, so to speak.)

If it's not enough to have a near death experience, throw in the scene where Mere gets validation - and instructions to run away from the light - from her freshly-passed mom. Then throw in the amount of time Mere was down and how she's apparently suffered no signifcant injury (I know, hypothermia does wonders, but that was extreme). Oh, and then have the Izzy and Denny "reunion" at the end.

It makes one forget about Yang's odd trip to the dollar store and Sloan's 60 days of chastity in a bid to win Addison over.

And while speaking of Addison, I will say that I am completely in favor of the planned spin-off around her character - as long as she keeps her specs on. Not only can Kate Walsh act, but she knows how to wear a pair of glasses.

It Didn't Take Long

The first woman to sing on American Idol last night was better than any of the guys. So was the last one. And so were at least 2 or 3 others. At the end of it all, Randy Jackson said if he had to choose a final 12 now, he'd have 8 women and 4 guys.

I think he's at least one guy heavy.

In any case, it wasn't perfect, as there were plenty of glory notes and unnecessary vocal pyrotechnics, but it's pretty clear that this year's winner is going to be a woman.

As for who will be the first two women cut, one has to be Antonella Barba, whose rendition of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" was on (sub)par with Sundance Head's performance the previous night. Both were the last person to make the semifinals for their gender; nice going, judges!

With the other cut, there are 4 or 5 women whose names I can't remember and who I can vaguely tell apart. It could be any one of them. My suggestion would be Nicole Tranquillo (I had to look her up), who seemed to be on St. Joseph's Chewable Meth or something. Very odd energy to her performance, which was marginal at best.

Best Talent Yet? Right.

While the claim that the new season has the best talent yet is as much an annual rite as the bad auditions for American Idol, I don't think anyone left last night thinking that this was true. After a dozen largely uninspired performances, this group of guys is giving the first season a run for its money.

There were a couple of decent performances, but for most the strategy was to try not to fail. Which makes for some compelling TV, especially when it's as ad-stuffed as the early Idol shows are.

Were I picking the bottom two, one spot would clearly go to Sundance Head (seriously), who did a number on "Knights in White Satin." It was painful to watch, but perhaps not unexpected from a guy who made it to the semifinals based largely on his initial audition.

The other spot could go to any of about eight guys. I would most likely tab Rudy Cardenas, whose performance suggests that he feels that "Free Ride" is constrained by too many consonants, given how many of them he didn't bother to pronounce. The judges were pretty harsh on Sanjaya Malakar's performance of what was, I think, the only Stevie Wonder song not previously performed on the show. I didn't think it was that bad, and given that Sanjaya is pretty much the only guy younger than 25 I think he'll squeak through.

The only other notable thing from last night was Chris Sligh being goaded into mocking Simon for producing Il Divo and Teletubbies albums. It made him look like a jerk, which is impressive when being held in comparison to Simon.

Anyway, women tonight, with hopefully less suckage.

The fall of the Fall Season?

While Fox has been able to find success juggling its schedule around all of the baseball it shows in October, taking that idea in another direction - a "fall season" that ends with October sweeps and picks up again in February sweeps - doesn't seem to work as well. At least not where Lost is concerned.

As most folks know, Lost returned last week after a three month hiatus which was supposed to launch the Taye Diggs drama Daybreak in its old spot and ramp up viewer demand for Lost's return last week.

Whoops.

Not only did Daybreak tank, Lost returned to series-low ratings. ABC killed the goose that laid the golden eggs, and then got salmonella from eating it.

Lost isn't in any danger of being cancelled, but with its new time slot and a series of weak sitcoms as lead-in, I don't expect a quick recovery.

The second test case for the "fall season" is Jericho, which has been gone for a couple of months, and will return tonight with a catch-up clip show. The next new episode is next Wednesday, where it'll face American Idol in full effect. Jericho wasn't putting up Lost numbers to begin with, and in the face of new competition, it has less margin for losing viewers.

In any case, I humbly ask the networks to put this idea on a high shelf in the back of the closet.