So Donald Trump recently blamed "confusion" for the ratings problem the original version of The Apprentice is having, saying that the Martha viewers caused this "confusion" and that her ratings tailspin is causing the problem with the mothership - which The Donald claims he predicted.
Just as he predicted he could take the USFL into the fall and run profitable casinos in Atlantic City, I'm sure.
My theory is a little different. I think the ratings are down because The Apprentice is formulaic and boring. The problems?
1. There are too many contestants. It takes a good three weeks to get the names down, and even then some of those names belong to the crazies who get fired early. We're six weeks in and I still can't tell most of the guys apart.
2. The tasks are repetitive. Even someone like me, who never had an inkling to go to B-school, now gets the idea that branding is important. Why? Because every task seems to revolve around brand identity and marketing.
3. The shilling is irritating. And this is why we have these marketing tasks - there's a sponsor to plug. Whether it's going to Best Buy to get gadgets or taking the kids to see the surprisingly difficult-to-pronounce Zathura, the tasks are less about finding business leaders than it is an informerical interspersed with people yelling at each other. Yeah, that's going to get me to part with my cash.
4. The hype is, well, typical. NBC has a long and dark history of over-hyping episodes, and every time we hear about an UNBELIEVABLE and UNPRECEDENTED boardroom where DONALD WILL BE QUESTIONED and SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE HAPPENS, we get deflated when we see what actually happened - something that can never live up to the hyperbole.
5. The rewards are stupid. You made a great parade float - go cut a song with Wyclef Jean. Huh?
6. The duplication is overkill. A spin-off with Martha was actually a good idea. Running it at the same time as the original wasn't. And spending more than five minutes on a catch-phrase wouldn't have hurt, either.
So how do we fix this?
1. Fewer contestants. Cut it back to 14, and either don't take some of the marginal folks or save them for the next installment. If we get to know the players sooner, we're more likely to stay interested.
2. Mix up the tasks. The first season had some different tasks - negotiate for deals, sell water, etc. Do more things like that. And while you're at it, maybe scrap the team set up for the first couple of weeks. Throw in some individual challenges, let us see how the contestants work on their own and not when they're trying to manage people who spend the whole task planning a boardroom strategy.
3. More TV show, less product placement. There's already advertising during the show. Let's stop having the product placement followed by the ads followed by the Yahoo! tie-in. People are hip to this and it'd be refreshing to see a move away from it.
4. Tone down the hype. If NBC won't let you, move. Seriously, find someone who can promote a show without running it into the ground.
5. Scrap the rewards. They bring nothing to the show. Spend that time with more task footage - it's so heavily edited to being with (given how much time they have to cover) that a couple more minutes may not add much. But it couldn't hurt.
6. Alternate Donald with another host, and rotate that host. You keep Donald fresh, don't have another host who may challenge him in stature, and you get to mix things up based on the new host's area of expertise.
The one thing I would not change - Carolyn and George. In fact, give them the time saved by cutting the rewards.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Saturday Night Lame
Is last night's SNL par for the course for this season? I watched the opening skit, the monologue, the fake ad, and the first skit. None of them were all that good.
First off, I can't even remember the opening skit. Considering that's supposed to set up the show, nice job there. Catherine Zeta-Jones' monologue was OK, mostly her tap dancing while singing how regardless of her performance, no one can take her Oscar away. But in the middle of it she makes an off-hand reference to dropping the F-bomb, which is a little unseemly given the recent death of Charles Rocket.
Then there's an ad about bum cancer or something which is mostly an excuse for the actors to talk like fourth graders, but with a straight face. The first skit, where Zeta-Jones plays a CNN reporter whose appearance degrades over time while covering a disaster in Afghanistan (and then, somehow, Hurricane Wilma), was incredbily pointless.
I packed it in at that point. I'm told it didn't get any better. Why does a reprise of Saturday Night's Main Event sound like a good idea?
First off, I can't even remember the opening skit. Considering that's supposed to set up the show, nice job there. Catherine Zeta-Jones' monologue was OK, mostly her tap dancing while singing how regardless of her performance, no one can take her Oscar away. But in the middle of it she makes an off-hand reference to dropping the F-bomb, which is a little unseemly given the recent death of Charles Rocket.
Then there's an ad about bum cancer or something which is mostly an excuse for the actors to talk like fourth graders, but with a straight face. The first skit, where Zeta-Jones plays a CNN reporter whose appearance degrades over time while covering a disaster in Afghanistan (and then, somehow, Hurricane Wilma), was incredbily pointless.
I packed it in at that point. I'm told it didn't get any better. Why does a reprise of Saturday Night's Main Event sound like a good idea?
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Type A-gonizing
In what might be the most useless casting of the new season, Joely Fisher is playing Lynette's boss on Desperate Housewives. Given that all the character does is go on about how kids can't come before work and show off her boobs, they probably could have gotten by with someone less famous.
I assume there'll be more to this character later, but considering at this point I don't even think she has a name (IMDB lists her as "Lynette's Boss"; if she has a name, it's used infrequently enough that I can't think of it), I'm not feeling positive.
Adding to this is the likely absence of Felicia, the sister of Martha Huber played winningly by Harriet Sansom Harris. She had about 15 seconds of exposition last week saying she was going back to Utah for awhile (and foreshadowing the return of Paul Young at some point). I'll miss her straight talk and baked goods.
I assume there'll be more to this character later, but considering at this point I don't even think she has a name (IMDB lists her as "Lynette's Boss"; if she has a name, it's used infrequently enough that I can't think of it), I'm not feeling positive.
Adding to this is the likely absence of Felicia, the sister of Martha Huber played winningly by Harriet Sansom Harris. She had about 15 seconds of exposition last week saying she was going back to Utah for awhile (and foreshadowing the return of Paul Young at some point). I'll miss her straight talk and baked goods.
Friday, October 14, 2005
An up and coming business whackjob
Sadly, viewers of The Apprentice had to bid adieu last night to Toral, whose potential for becoming the new Omarosa was just beginning to be achieved. Seriously, I don't think I can quantify the level of narcissism and ego she presented. Simply put, none of us is equal to the task of wiping her ass.
If you don't watch the show, and you'd like an idea of what I'm talking about, a fairly simple Google search should get you to her official website, which is as sad a cry for lingering fame-whoredom as you can get. My favorite part is the link for a book that is "coming soon." One hopes it will explain which Eastern religion forbids its practicioners from wearing mascot costumes (as she claimed last night when asked to wear such a costume as part of a task).
While I don't watch the show hoping for a "new" Omarosa, and didn't care for how long she lasted (and thus how long NBC could over-hype her), I'd have liked at least a couple more weeks of Toral's full-on crazy. If nothing else, it infuriated the core group of her team (known variously as the Heathers or Blonde Mafia or Coven). It'll be fun watching this group turn on itself.
If you don't watch the show, and you'd like an idea of what I'm talking about, a fairly simple Google search should get you to her official website, which is as sad a cry for lingering fame-whoredom as you can get. My favorite part is the link for a book that is "coming soon." One hopes it will explain which Eastern religion forbids its practicioners from wearing mascot costumes (as she claimed last night when asked to wear such a costume as part of a task).
While I don't watch the show hoping for a "new" Omarosa, and didn't care for how long she lasted (and thus how long NBC could over-hype her), I'd have liked at least a couple more weeks of Toral's full-on crazy. If nothing else, it infuriated the core group of her team (known variously as the Heathers or Blonde Mafia or Coven). It'll be fun watching this group turn on itself.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Love Hates
When a UPN sitcom gets fulsome praise - meaning, given that it's UPN, any - you have to start wondering about it. When people came out of the up-fronts hailing Everybody Hates Chris, I had conflicting emotions. Mostly they were varieties of "UPN has a good sitcom?" and "I hope they don't screw this up."
They didn't screw it up, and UPN has a bona fide sitcom success.
Finally.
It's not that the show is particularly groundbreaking. The set-up is actually pretty traditional, not that far off from the likes of The Wonder Years: family, school, the neighborhood, and the times are all recounted through the eyes of a 13 year old kid.
But it's the way the story gets told - with a deft mix of realism and humor - that makes the show stand out. Halfway through the pilot a bully uses the N-word, which is pretty unheard of in a sitcom. But the way the reaction to this is handled, it becomes a successful comedic moment (if a little painful given the pummeling to come).
There's also a good sense of when not to fall into sitcom conventions. For example, when Chris eats part of his dad's dinner, a regular sitcom would play up the aftermath. Here, there's a pretty good visual and a follow-up that actually makes sense rather than screaming and a fat joke at the dad's expense.
While most of the acting kudos are going to the actor playing Chris, his parents are played very well, too.
Watch this show!
They didn't screw it up, and UPN has a bona fide sitcom success.
Finally.
It's not that the show is particularly groundbreaking. The set-up is actually pretty traditional, not that far off from the likes of The Wonder Years: family, school, the neighborhood, and the times are all recounted through the eyes of a 13 year old kid.
But it's the way the story gets told - with a deft mix of realism and humor - that makes the show stand out. Halfway through the pilot a bully uses the N-word, which is pretty unheard of in a sitcom. But the way the reaction to this is handled, it becomes a successful comedic moment (if a little painful given the pummeling to come).
There's also a good sense of when not to fall into sitcom conventions. For example, when Chris eats part of his dad's dinner, a regular sitcom would play up the aftermath. Here, there's a pretty good visual and a follow-up that actually makes sense rather than screaming and a fat joke at the dad's expense.
While most of the acting kudos are going to the actor playing Chris, his parents are played very well, too.
Watch this show!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Speaking of cranky men
Is it me, or has Dr. House gone past snarky and sarcastic to being an ass? He's seemed particularly mean in the last couple of episodes. Maybe he's building a tolerance to Vicodin.
Still, great show. I just hope they come up with more episodes that don't follow the "save the patient with the rare/unusual condition by almost/actually killing them" pattern that's been the show's hallmark. I'm not saying they have to go all soap opera, but it might be nice to ease back the throttle at times.
Still, great show. I just hope they come up with more episodes that don't follow the "save the patient with the rare/unusual condition by almost/actually killing them" pattern that's been the show's hallmark. I'm not saying they have to go all soap opera, but it might be nice to ease back the throttle at times.
Man of Science, Man of Faith, Men of Annoyance!
As much as I'm happy that Lost is spilling some of its secrets (leading, of course, to new ones), I've been a little irritated with the polarization of Jack as the "Man of Science" and Locke as the "Man of Faith." Anything that leads to that much yelling can't be good. We could use more of Sayid acting as the "Man of Practicality," as it seems to take both Jack and Locke down a peg.
Heck, we could use more of Sayid, Charlie, Claire, Shannon, or Sun. They've been pretty invisible so far, yet the first three episodes all included Jack and bunker buddy Desmond in their stand-off. It is maddening how the show will advance at top speed for a while and then rehash stuff for a while. I suppose it will continue to help new viewers sort things out, but I'd have to think that evening things out would help them pace the series. I fear an Alias-type reboot.
I'm also getting a little tired of the flashbacks, though I assume they include information and clues that I should be picking up on (for example, in the Michael flashback from a couple of weeks ago, he gives a toddler version of Walt a stuffed polar bear before Walt's mom takes him to Rome - clue, or coincidence?).
Regarding the "others," I was fairly disappointed that Michael, Sawyer, and Jin didn't spend a couple of seconds wondering how Ana-Lucia managed to live for six weeks on her own, avoiding both major population groups until her "capture." Granted, Sawyer should be in shock from his wound, Michael from losing his son, and Jin shouldn't be able to understand English (or should he?). But still, given the level of paranoia they've been at for a while, I can't imagine they'd just open up to some mystery survivor.
Heck, we could use more of Sayid, Charlie, Claire, Shannon, or Sun. They've been pretty invisible so far, yet the first three episodes all included Jack and bunker buddy Desmond in their stand-off. It is maddening how the show will advance at top speed for a while and then rehash stuff for a while. I suppose it will continue to help new viewers sort things out, but I'd have to think that evening things out would help them pace the series. I fear an Alias-type reboot.
I'm also getting a little tired of the flashbacks, though I assume they include information and clues that I should be picking up on (for example, in the Michael flashback from a couple of weeks ago, he gives a toddler version of Walt a stuffed polar bear before Walt's mom takes him to Rome - clue, or coincidence?).
Regarding the "others," I was fairly disappointed that Michael, Sawyer, and Jin didn't spend a couple of seconds wondering how Ana-Lucia managed to live for six weeks on her own, avoiding both major population groups until her "capture." Granted, Sawyer should be in shock from his wound, Michael from losing his son, and Jin shouldn't be able to understand English (or should he?). But still, given the level of paranoia they've been at for a while, I can't imagine they'd just open up to some mystery survivor.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Sophie's Choice it wasn't
Remember Cassandra, the contestant who mourned her hair for the better part of the last episode of America's Next Top Model? In the latest episode, she is given the choice of getting her hair cut down another inch or so to actually get the look that was originally intended, or go home. She chose... her hair. Seriously. She tried to make her decision look like it was made on principle, but her mom had one of the better lines of the night noting that such a decision isn't made on principle, but vanity.
After quitting, Cassandra noted she was going home, getting hair extensions, and hoped to be back in our good graces as Miss USA.
What little hope pageants had regaining a toehold on relevancy just evaporated.
This past week also ended the show's breif foray into bi-curiousness, as Sarah, who did engage in some more (off camera) tonsil hockey with Kim, the openly gay contestant, was sent home. In fact, Sarah and Kim were the two on the hot seat, so it was doomed to end either way. This week promises impromptu topless photos at the house, but you know nothing interesting will come of it.
After quitting, Cassandra noted she was going home, getting hair extensions, and hoped to be back in our good graces as Miss USA.
What little hope pageants had regaining a toehold on relevancy just evaporated.
This past week also ended the show's breif foray into bi-curiousness, as Sarah, who did engage in some more (off camera) tonsil hockey with Kim, the openly gay contestant, was sent home. In fact, Sarah and Kim were the two on the hot seat, so it was doomed to end either way. This week promises impromptu topless photos at the house, but you know nothing interesting will come of it.
Friday, October 07, 2005
The axe falls thrice
In reverse order of surprise:
NBC yanked the fertility clinic drama Inconceivable after just two airings, which isn't too bad considering it sounded like something that should have been pulled off the schedule before September. They might as well just make Three Wishes three hours long.
The WB joined in the fun by dumping Just Legal, proving that we're not quite ready for yet another Don Johnson revival. They'll be showing re-runs of Related in the time slot... at least until they cancel that show, too.
Moving to cable, FX dropped Starved while picking up It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I've not seen the latter, but having watched a few episodes of Starved I can't say I'm really surprised. It wasn't a bad show, but I don't think it was quite strong enough given the difficulty in pulling comedy out of eating disorders.
NBC yanked the fertility clinic drama Inconceivable after just two airings, which isn't too bad considering it sounded like something that should have been pulled off the schedule before September. They might as well just make Three Wishes three hours long.
The WB joined in the fun by dumping Just Legal, proving that we're not quite ready for yet another Don Johnson revival. They'll be showing re-runs of Related in the time slot... at least until they cancel that show, too.
Moving to cable, FX dropped Starved while picking up It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I've not seen the latter, but having watched a few episodes of Starved I can't say I'm really surprised. It wasn't a bad show, but I don't think it was quite strong enough given the difficulty in pulling comedy out of eating disorders.
Your virtual seat in the boardroom
Yahoo has a game where you pick various things about the coming episode (who gets canned, who says various quotes, etc.). If I can play fantasy bass fishing, I can play this. And, of course, you are all invited.
Hie thyself over to the game page and make your entry (you'll need a Yahoo login). After that, you can join my group:
Group ID: 1752
Password: trump
As I've just discovered this game today, anyone joining before the questions for next week (which aren't up yet) lock will be starting even.
Hie thyself over to the game page and make your entry (you'll need a Yahoo login). After that, you can join my group:
Group ID: 1752
Password: trump
As I've just discovered this game today, anyone joining before the questions for next week (which aren't up yet) lock will be starting even.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Sponsored by Prilosec
All is apparently forgiven at Saturday Night Live, as Ashlee Simpson will return to that show later this month as the musical guest. Although, really, I think if you violate the whole "live" concept of the show, you shouldn't get a second chance.
Of course, her return will generate a spike in viewership just to see what happens. Prediction: she'll sing a couple of songs from her new album. Badly. Other than that, nothing. Kind of sad, really. I'd have to think there are hundreds of musical acts who should get a shot at actually performing before Simpson gets a second bite at displaying her atonality.
It's also kind of sad to think that Lorne Michaels has sold out so much, but if the steady string of pointless SNL-inspired movies wasn't enough to prove it, nothing is.
Of course, her return will generate a spike in viewership just to see what happens. Prediction: she'll sing a couple of songs from her new album. Badly. Other than that, nothing. Kind of sad, really. I'd have to think there are hundreds of musical acts who should get a shot at actually performing before Simpson gets a second bite at displaying her atonality.
It's also kind of sad to think that Lorne Michaels has sold out so much, but if the steady string of pointless SNL-inspired movies wasn't enough to prove it, nothing is.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
The sex and love will remain a secret
The second casualty of the TV season is here: UPN gave the heave-ho to the Denise Richards vehicle Sex, Love & Secrets. Really, you knew the show was doomed when they used "Love" to replace the word "Lies" in the title. What good is a prime-time soap that gets rid of the lies?
So it looks like no desperation sweeps stunt that puts Richards in as little clothing as possible, or brings in Neve Campbell for a Wild Things reprise. So sad.
So it looks like no desperation sweeps stunt that puts Richards in as little clothing as possible, or brings in Neve Campbell for a Wild Things reprise. So sad.
Suburbia has never been so dangerous
Consider that, in the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives, we've seen:
* Bree manhandle her husband's corpse to change the tie he'd wear into the hereafter.
* Bree slap her mother-in-law to snap her out of a crying jag.
* Zach hold a gun on Susan and Mike.
* Susan attack Zach to get the gun.
* Bongo (Mike's dog) attack Susan when she's holding the gun on Zach.
* Susan firing the gun, hitting a neighbor's bottle of hooch (thereby getting the woman to kick the habit, so there's that).
* Susan getting a split lip from the tussle over the gun.
* Susan "accidentally" backing her car over Edie.
* Tom using several blows from a shovel to dispatch a rat Lynette had planted to get Tom to clean the house (OK, we didn't actually see this, but the description was pretty bad).
* Carlos getting beaten up in jail because Gaby talked Carlos' cellmate's girlfriend out of a boob job.
* Betty and her son have a guy chained to pipes or something in their basement.
Do you get the sense that the Hellmouth has moved from Sunnydale to Wisteria Lane?
* Bree manhandle her husband's corpse to change the tie he'd wear into the hereafter.
* Bree slap her mother-in-law to snap her out of a crying jag.
* Zach hold a gun on Susan and Mike.
* Susan attack Zach to get the gun.
* Bongo (Mike's dog) attack Susan when she's holding the gun on Zach.
* Susan firing the gun, hitting a neighbor's bottle of hooch (thereby getting the woman to kick the habit, so there's that).
* Susan getting a split lip from the tussle over the gun.
* Susan "accidentally" backing her car over Edie.
* Tom using several blows from a shovel to dispatch a rat Lynette had planted to get Tom to clean the house (OK, we didn't actually see this, but the description was pretty bad).
* Carlos getting beaten up in jail because Gaby talked Carlos' cellmate's girlfriend out of a boob job.
* Betty and her son have a guy chained to pipes or something in their basement.
Do you get the sense that the Hellmouth has moved from Sunnydale to Wisteria Lane?
Monday, October 03, 2005
A very bad thing
For reasons I can't quite comprehend, The Apprentice: Martha Stewart is getting flip-flopped with E-Ring, meaning that it gets to recover from its early slump by squaring off against Lost.
Does anyone think that's the way to improve ratings? I suppose it represents a way to protect the investment in E-Ring and the relationship with Jerry Bruckheimer. But it's still pretty odd.
Does anyone think that's the way to improve ratings? I suppose it represents a way to protect the investment in E-Ring and the relationship with Jerry Bruckheimer. But it's still pretty odd.
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