Sentenced to Death

So you've likely heard the big news leading up to this week's upfront presentations by the major networks - after 20 seasons, NBC is finally giving the axe to Law and Order: Original Recipe. There's been some talk that NBC would let the show carry on to give Dick Wolf the honor of creating the longest-running dramatic series in prime time history (a mark it will now share with Gunsmoke, though the western aired more total episodes), but given NBC's sorry state, it's a smart move to clear out a series that's clearly past its prime (though for me, the show never quite got over the loss of Jerry Orbach, whose Lenny Briscoe was the quintessential New York detective).

And it's not like Wolf and company are going to be crying poor mouth. Law and Order: SVU is expected to carry on, and NBC's likely to announce tomorrow that they're picking up a Los Angeles-based version of the original show. So while the show that started the procedural craze (for better or worse) may be gone, it's offspring will continue to chug along.

More on the upfronts as they happen. That's pretty much the whole reason I started this blog in the first place.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

(As this is pretty much the only show I watch in something approximating real time, I figured it was time to bring back the Water Cooler Talking Points, five items that will give you a rhetorical foothold in an office conversation about the show.)

During the show tonight, the unLocke remarked to Ben that the last thing that went through actual Locke's mind was that he didn't understand what was going on. With that fitting metaphor for the Lost viewing audience out of the way, here's the skinny on what went down.

1. The bomb worked. Last season ended with Juliet detonating the h-bomb, a scene repeated to start this season. The explosion fades into Jack on the Oceanic flight, and while he looks a little confused at first he snaps back into passenger mode after some turbulence doesn't result in the plane going down (we also get a graphic depicting the island - including the DHARMA huts - completely underwater, apparently for some time). Over the course of the first hour we see Rose and Bernard, Sawyer, Kate, Charlie, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Boone and Locke. And Desmond, who wasn't originally on the flight. There are a few other differences - Charlie tries to kill himself in the lavatory, and Hurley now considers himself lucky as he's still won the lottery and successfully bought his chicken franchise. At the end of the hour, the plane lands in LA without incident.

2. The bomb worked? The second scene of the episode is the explosion, which now fades into Kate coming to in a tree... within sight of the post-failsafe Swan crater. Most everyone is accounted for, lastly Juliet, who is buried under a bunch of metal in the middle of the crater. Sawyer gets to her, but she dies before she can tell him something important. Sawyer recruits Miles to help bury her, and uses his talking to the dead mojo to find out she was going to tell him the bomb worked. Which, after a fashion, it did, as this group is back in the present that has the undead Locke and company over by the statue. Speaking of Locke...

3. Locke=smoke monster? After talking about Jacob's death, the unLocke sends Ben out to get Richard. Some of the other Agira passengers (who are apparently Jacob's bodyguards - and well done there) enter the statue and shoot at unLocke. Followed shortly by an appearance by the smoke monster, who kills all of them (including a guy who got in some sort of protective circle of ash or sand; the monster figured out a way to knock him out of the circle without entering it). Locke later apologizes to Ben for having to see him like that, suggesting that the smoke monster is what is also possessing the unLocke.

4.Going to the temple and we're gonna get cured. Back at the Swan hole, Hurley is with Sayid, who is bleeding badly. While he's alone with Sayid, Jacob appears to Hurley and says that he needs get Jin to take him to the hole in the wall of the temple. He does (along with most of the others), and once they enter they get jumped for their trouble. They're led to a temple, where the powers that be decide to shoot them - until Hurley says that Jacob sent them and that they need to save Sayid. A message inside a huge ankh suggests the same thing, and they take Sayid to a spring. One which no longer runs clear. Sayid is held in the spring - more correctly under the water of the spring - and he dies.

5 Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles. Kate manages to knock out her escort in the only deserted bathroom in LAX, and escapes with some help from Sawyer and from the escort's gun, which she uses to hijack a taxi and its passenger, the very pregnant Claire. Jack, meanwhile, has learned that his dad's coffin has gone missing, and the airline has no idea where it is. At this point he meets Locke, who had his case of knives go missing. A brief chat leads Jack to offer a free consult to Locke, with the goal of proving that his irreperable spinal injury can in fact be fixed.

6. There's gonna be a shoot out. Back at the temple, Hurley talks to the powers that be (a guy who speaks Japanese and his hippie sidekick) about Jacob, and mentions that his visit was portmortem. This freaks the powers out something fierce, and they begin to barricade the temple and spread ash/sand around, all aimed at keeping "them" out. They set off a rocket, apparently to warn fellow templars about the danger. The signal surprises Richard, as does the unLocke, who has come outside and greets Richard by (a) saying he's happy to see Richard out of chains, and (b) beating the tar out of him. The unLocke expresses his disappointment at the crowd and then picks Richard up and starts walking (we assume to the temple). The last scene is back at the temple, where the hippie seeks a private audience with Jack. Jack declines, and the hippe starts to make a deal out of it until Hurley interrupts. It seems that Sayid is not quite dead yet. He sits up and wonders aloud what happened. As do all of us watching.

The Beginning of the End

Unless you've been living in a hole (or don't watch ABC), you know that tonight kicks off the final season of Lost. There's a level of fan excitement about this that's unusual, I think. Most fans would prefer that their favorite shows go on forever.

The difference with Lost, I think, lies in the questions. There's a desire to learn the reason behind every little secret, and the only way that will come close to happening is to have the show end. We should be happy that they're doing this in a thoughtful way and not running the risk of another Alias, where it seemed like things were slapped together solely to get the show to a conclusion.

Even so, I think there may be a little too much expected from tonight's episodes. My simple warning is that the folks behind the show have spent five years piling on questions while only providing a handful of answers. They have the entire season to even accounts, and it's safe to say that they'll use every single second to do so in a way that's organic. Not that the books will balance by the end; the folks behind the show have been very clear that there will be some questions left unanswered. Your call as to whether its out of deference to the story or because some of the questions are just too hard to answer in a way that's consistent with the rest of the show.

Not that there aren't other attractions to this season. We're going to get to see some of our favorite characters from the past (I'm hoping for some significant screen time for Mr. Eko), and there's been talk about a new narrative structure for this season, which given the way time is used on this show may mean anything.

In the end, I guess I'd say try not to get irritated if they don't throw out a bunch of answers tonight. Instead, savor the anticipation of each new episode while you can.

The Late Shift Redux

You've likely heard by now that Jay Leno's nightly 10 pm show on NBC is toast, and that after the Olympics the network is moving him to 11:35, where he'll do a half-hour show, with Conan and Jimmy Fallon each moving a half-hour later (no word on what happens to Carson Daly, who can't really move a half-hour later as it would put him into time held by the affiliates). The move has raised two major questions.

1. Will Conan stay or will he go?  I'll admit to having no idea how Conan's contract is worded, but most stories on this note that he'll have to approve the move, and that rather than doing so he could walk away and start up on another network (Fox gets mentioned here most often, followed by ABC).

There are arguements both for and against Conan leaving. On the pro-leaving side, there's the idea that this suggested move is an indication that NBC still favors Jay, so sticking around makes no sense. There's also the lure of creating a new franchise and helping another network develop a late night presence. And, of course, there's the benefit of getting away from NBC, a network apparently incapable of engineering a smooth late night hosting transition. The move could also allow Conan to return to New York, which seems more like his sort of town.

On the other hand, Conan is the host of the Tonight Show, the most venerated property in late night. It's not something one gives up blithley. Also, there's a good chance that this move will only last this season, as if the new late night Leno show fails to deliver (which is almost certainly the case), it would go away and allow Conan to return to his rightful place at 11:35. There will be damage to repair, but if Conan could build a following out of his meager Late Night debut in 1993, he can do the same here.

I'm guessing that Conan will walk if NBC commits to this plan. It's clear that he's going to be second fiddle to Leno until Leno decides to drive off into the sunset.

Then there's the other question:

2. What is NBC going to show at 10 o'clock for the rest of the season? It's not easy to fill five hours of programming a week, but NBC may be less screwed here than they seem, as:

• Friday Night Lights will be back, and can either take up an hour at 10 or allow another show to move.
• Law & Order will also be back, and while it's currently scheduled it's also got some history as a hole-plugger. Ditto for Dateline, which you have to figure will get at least one 10 pm slot.
• There are a variety of USA network shows that could be run, including Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Burn Notice, Psych and White Collar.
• They could order more episdoes of Trauma, which they cancelled but then brought back for a limited number of new episodes.
• They could also monkey around with their unscripted shows, as they have a new season of The Apprentice and Jerry Seinfeld's The Marriage Ref coming this spring and could, theoretically, hustle America's Got Talent into an early premier (though that would be reaching). Heck, why not a special week-long return of Deal or No Deal?

Most, if not all of these ideas would fill time rather than build an audience. Based on the way the Jay Leno Show's ratings fell over the course of the season, that's probably enough. Personally, I'd like to see them give some of the USA shows a tryout, but I expect we'll get retreads.

While there's still a great deal of uncertainty in this situation, there is one thing that is absolutely certain: this is a good year to be pitching a new show. NBC's going to need several come September.

Back From Hiatus

With the new TV season heading towards the halfway mark, it seemed like an appropriate time to write my first entry on the new season. Why wade in when everything is new and confusing?

It turns out that we've picked up very few new shows, which isn't particularly surprising given the number of shows we're already struggling to watch in something resembling a timely fashion. Of all the new shows, we're watching Glee (based on the pilot preview in the spring, smart move there), FlashForward, V (technically we're not watching it yet, but we're taping episodes), and Community (which the wife has bailed on but I still watch).

I'm not addicted to any of them, but I do like each of them in their own way. I'm a little irritated that both Glee and FlashForward are going away until the spring, but that does give us some catch up time with the DVR.

We never sampled the ABC's new lineup of Wednesday sitcoms, probably to our detriment given how well they've been recieved (excepting Hank, of course). We've also never ventured into Jay Leno's new show, but we didn't watch his old one, either.

I am finding that my interest in three returning shows has waned considerably. I'm at the point where I'm not even recording Heroes, and while I plan to catch up through on demand or online viewing, I could see it not happening. I really don't like any of the directions the show is taking this season.  I'm feeling more obligated than interested in Desperate Housewives and America's Next Top Model, but still watch both. Model in particular is a sad case, in that it's gotten very tired but is unlikely to get a makeover of its own (or canceled, even). I miss the days where the models drank (though it's easy enough to relive them given the reruns that are cropping up on various channels).

The only other thing to note is that I did manage to watch the most recent season of Mad Men in roughly the same period in which it aired. I have to say it was pretty depressing until the last episode. Hearing Lane Pryce wish Saint John Powell a Happy Christmas after getting fired was a welcome laugh after a season of watching the Draper marriage crumble.

So that's where things more or less stand now. More later, hopefully before May.

New on TV: Three for the Nerds

There's a trio of new shows I've been watching this summer, and while they have little in common, all appeal to the inner (or outer) nerd, one each on public, network and cable TV.

Taking them in that order, we'll start with PBS' Time Team America, a kind of History Detectives spin-off where a team of archaeologists visit sites and give the researchers regularly at the site three days of extra help, often using tools not readily available to the regular team.

The typical story arc of an episode is as follows:

Day 1: arrive at site, dig some trenches, use the geophysical instruments to survey.
Day 2: use the survey results to dig more trenches. Find random bits of pottery no bigger than your thumbnail. Survey some more, as a decent chunk of yesterday's data is inconclusive.
Day 3: Dig a bit more, and hopefully find something other than pottery. Maybe a post hole.

As this suggests, the biggest problem with the show is the lack of actual finds. While that's probably true of how archaeology works, it does not make for particularly riveting television. The host, who is also the team's artist (do archaeology teams regularly employ artists?), tries to pull things together and add background by interviewing various people with a connection to the site. He's also not the most dynamic person; at times it's like the show is being hosted by a somewhat annoying TA.

I'm also not a fan of the team's logo - which appears in the credits and on their vehicles - or the use of Coldplay's "Speed of Sound" as theme music. That'd have been a great choice if the show debuted in 2005.

Moving to network, we have Defying Gravity, a multinationally-produced series that ABC picked up for a summer run. Set in the 2050s (with flashbacks from approximately 5 years before the show's present), we follow the eight person crew of the Antares as they set out on a six-year mission to visit seven planets. The only problem is that there's something calling the shots on the mission that is not part of the International Space Organization. To this point it's only referred to as Beta, and it's monkeyed with the make-up of the crew and has taken one other member back to an ill-fated mission to Mars.

Add into the 2001: A Space Oddysey mix some notable romatic entanglements, including a married couple split up by Beta's shenanigans and a flight engineer (played by Ron Livingston) who had a one-night stand with another crew member (before she became an astronaut) but who is having regular booty calls with a different crew member. The show was apparently pitched as Grey's Anatomy in space, but I don't think we're quite at the point where the show is Grey's Astronomy. It's still too much involved with the oddities, from an Indian crew member who went on an unscheduled EVA with his statue of Ganesha after getting bumped to the aforementioned female member of the one night stand hearing baby cries (care to guess how the one night stand ended?). Odder still, none of the other crew seem suspicious that she keeps on asking them if they've heard something when no one else has.

It's not a great show, but it's good enough for the summer.

Finally, we have SyFy's Warehouse 13, which follows two Secret Service agents as they go about the country to claim objects of unusual power, which then gets stored in the title location, which is somewhere in South Dakota. The agents have a Scully and Mulder sort of relationship, only not as entertaining. They also seem a little slow, as in at least a couple of cases I managed to sort out what they needed to do before they did. Considering I only watched three or four episodes before removing it from my recording list, that's not so good.

I did like Saul Rubinek as the warehouse administrator and CCH Pounder as the program's shadowy leader, Mrs. Frederick (she should be on every episode). There's also a bit of a steampunky vibe to the show, from computers using manual typewriter keyboards to personal communicators in tin cases called Farnsworths, but there weren't enough of those elements to keep me watching.

Oh, and in a related noted, the rebranding of the Sci-Fi Channel to SyFy doesn't do anything for me. I suppose it loosens things up so they can show crap like the ECW and Ghost Hunters, but I fear that this is the start of a slide that sees the network go from something that covers a niche pretty well to one that, in an attempt to find a broader audience, loses identity.

New on TV: The Great American Road Trip

At the start of this NBC summer reality show, the host makes an important point when he tells the competing families that this is not a race. And given the nature of the show - seven families going from Chicago to LA in RVs while competing in challenges along the way - it was hard not to think (with reference to a similar CBS show) that is is also not amazing.

That being said, the show isn't awful in any obvious way. The host, Reno Collier (a comedian best known as Larry the Cable Guy's opening act), is game if not particularly dynamic. The families, as you'd expect, come from the various elements of our great melting pot/salad bowl. Just with more "energy." And in the case of the family from Texas, a set of gigantic fake knockers.

But I digress.

The point of the show is that the families drive their RVs to a location with some historic impact (such as Lincoln's home in Springfield, Illinois) and compete in a task. The winner gets a prize, while the bottom three families participate in another challenge, with the loser there going home. In the first episode, the yuppies from Westport, Connecticut, who saw their education as their greatest asset, lost in large part because they forgot that the shortest distance between to points is a straight line. I'm sure that'll keep them up nights in their McMansion.

And, of course, there's drama along the way, but as it's a family show the drama is more light comedy than something from Chekov. The Alabama housewife and Yonkers dad have a desperate moment while trying to come to grips with the uses for "youse" and "y'all." The Yonkers mom accuses the downstate Illinois family of cheating. The Long Island daughter throws a tantrum over gummy worms. Woo.

So while it's not particularly worth seeking out, it's not the worst a network could do for a summer series (ABC's The Scholar, for example). Just don't expect anything surprising.

2009-10 Season; Friday

There are a couple of notable changes on this second-least watched night of TV.

ABC - They probably have the biggest one, as Ugly Betty moves over from Thursday to anchor a night stuck between Supernanny and 20/20. There's two schools of thought on the move. The first is that Betty is being banished to Friday due to ratings that have been sagging over time and are now more appropriate to Friday nights. The other, as espoused by ABC Entertainment president Steve McPherson, is that they can use Thursday and the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice pairing to help Flash Forward debut strong and build an audience.

I tend to fall in the former camp. Betty has seen its ratings diminish, and a declining show is least likely to survive on ultra-competitive Thursday nights. If it manages to bring its current fan base to Friday, the show would be a qualified hit. I don't know if Betty will boost the evening as a whole - I don't expect the intersection of Betty and 20/20 viewerships to be that great - but it has to be an improvement over Wife Swap, doesn't it?

CBS - Will continue to dominate Fridays thanks to The Ghost Whisperer and Numbers, which are now flanking Medium, picked up from NBC's scrap pile. Medium is kind of in a similar position to Ugly Betty in regards to bringing fans over (with the added difficulty of a new network to boot), but where it's going to a well-established night of programming it'll have more of a cushion, I'd think. It should also be less risky than bringing in a new show.

Fox - Opens the night with Brothers, a sitcom about a former NFL player who moves home to help his brother, whose restaurant is struggling, but then may wind up home for good if his mom has her way. What makes this interesting is that the show starts actual former NFL player Michael Strahan, who has plenty of charisma but hasn't acted much outside of Subway commercials. The cast includes Darryl "Chill" Mitchell, CCH Pounder and Carl Weathers, which should help to even things out if Strahan is a little uneven.

Brothers is paired with Til Death, which was off the air for most of this past season. It'll return in the summer on Sundays before moving to Fridays in the fall.

Perhaps the biggest surprise from Fox was the return of Dollhouse, Joss Whedon's drama about sexy secret agents who have their memories erased after each job. There wasn't much hope for the show when it premiered, but apparently Fox still feels bad about axing Firefly and is making amends here. If nothing else, it's the perfect capper to a strange night of TV.

NBC - If you were wondering if anyone actually tries to win the 49 and over demographic, this night may be your proof. It opens with Law & Order, now in its 20th season of ripping stories from the headlines. It's followed by Southland, the LA cop drama that was a surprise pick-up. It ends with Leno. If any night is AARP-approved, it's this one.

The CW - Limps into Friday with Smallville - it's still on! - and reruns of America's Next Top Model. For this they cancelled Everybody Hates Chris. It's official: The CW is the suckiest bunch of sucks to ever suck.

2009-10 Season: Thursday

Easily the night with the best programming across the board.

ABC - They've decided to break up their female-friendly night of programming by moving Ugly Betty and replacing it with Flash Forward. This high-concept drama takes place in the aftermath of every person in the world blacking out for two minutes and 17 seconds, during which time they get a glimpse of their future.

Does this sound like something that would go with relationship dramas? Not particularly, which makes me worry for this intriguing show. Shorts ads for it did run during Lost this past season, and it seems like those two shows would air together. And perhaps they will - assuming Flash Forward survives.


CBS - Returns with Survivor and CSI, and moves The Mentalist over to create a very strong night, likely their strongest of the week.

Fox - Pairs Bones with Fringe, which doesn't seem like an obvious paring but doesn't sound disastrous. There's also an interesting comparison to ABC, given that these shows have female leads but don't center around their loves lives. It'll be interesting to see if Bones - which is popular but not exactly a ratings-grabber - can boost Fringe, which fared OK in its inaugural season.

The CW - Opens the evening with The Vampire Diaries, which seeks to make hay off the Twilight craze, which seems like smart move but I don't know if the die-hards are going to cotton to a rip-off. It's paired with Supernatural, which makes sense. This could wind up being a decent night for the former Frog.

2009-10 Season: Wednesday

Remember when I said Tuesday was the night you could skip out and not miss anything on TV? Well, Wednesday isn't much better.

ABC - Throws an entire night of new shows at us, five of their total of eight new shows for the season. Four are sitcoms:

• Hank, starring Kelsey Grammer as an ex-tycoon looking to make his way back to the top;
• The Middle, a Roseann ripoff starring Patricia Heaton;
• The Modern Family, a documentary-style show about the different styles of families out there and how they operate and interact, starring Ed O'Neill;
• and Cougar Town, starring Courtney Cox as a newly-divorced mom getting back into dating.

ABC apparently showed the entire pilot of The Modern Family during its upfront, and at least one critic (Aaron Barnhart of TV Barn and the Kansas City Star) reported that it was pretty well-recieved. That's a good thing, as based on ABC's press releases they all sound like they were generated by the Sitcom9000.

The network ends the night with Eastwick, a drama based on the movie The Witches of Eastwick. Sadly, this is not the only show on Wednesday based on a 20+ year old movie.

Really, a pretty thin night for ABC, but it's probably enough to keep them in third place until they cancel some stuff and bring back Lost.

CBS - Will battle for first place for the night, starting with The New Adventures of Old Christine and Gary Unmarried, moving to Criminal Minds at 9 and finishing with CSI: New York. Solid night all the way around.

Fox - Opens with results shows (So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol) followed by one of two new shows. The first is Glee, the high-school dramedy that aired its pilot earlier this month to good reviews. The oddity is the other show, Human Target, which stars Mark Valley as a man whose job is to get close to potential targets of violence so he can become the target in order to save lives. I don't quite understand how this fits in with a night otherwise dedicated to singing and dancing.

NBC - Starts the night with the other show based on an ancient movie, Parenthood. This is the second go-round in trying to make this into a TV series, and I don't know why it will do any better now. It will move aside in the spring for Mercy, a medical show that's Grey's Anatomy from a nurse's perspective. Had NBC been thinking they'd have combined this with Trauma so they only had one Grey's ripoff on the schedule. That or they'd have scheduled them for the same night and time so that one runs into the other. Viewers may not even notice that they are different shows.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent follows at 9 and Leno wraps things at 10.

The CW - Gives us the next cycle of America's Next Top Model, and follows the unscripted show about model with a scripted one, The Beautiful Life. I wouldn't expect much from it, except that the cast has something for everyone - Elle Macpherson, The OC's Mischa Barton and High School Musical's Corbin Bleu are all in the ensemble. So this may actually work, or at least work as well as anything on The CW does.

2009-10 Season: Tuesday

After looking at the tentative schedule, if you were looking for a night to do errands or otherwise not be in front of your TV, this might be the night.

ABC - Wraps the results show for Dancing With the Stars around two new shows. The early one, Shark Tank, is an Americanized version of BBC America's Dragon's Den, as entrepraneurs present their ideas to a panel of five self-made millionaires in the hopes that they'll provide seed capital. Sounds find in concept, and hopefully the producers here will remember how NBC failed to turn Last Restaurant Standing into a success with Chopping Block.

On the other end is The Forgotten, which sees a group of amateur sleuths work to put names to unidentified murder victims, with the hope that an ID will help lead to an arrest. Reiko Ayelsworth, best known for playing Michelle Dessler on 24, is part of the cast. This may be enough of a twist on the police procedural to work, and having Jerry Bruckheimer involved should help, too.

In the spring, the first two hours will change to a show to be named later (I'm hoping it's the V remake, which sounds atrocious on principle) and a sitcom block of Scrubs and Better Off Ted. Both are somewhat surprising additions to the schedule. Scrubs got a proper send-off, and will now apparently toil on without Zach Braff. The surprise for me with Better Off Ted returning is that ABC managed to keep the right midseason sitcom, as they could have brought back In the Motherhood.

To my eyes, ABC has the best line-up for the night, which is depressing as I really don't feel compelled to watch any of these shows.

CBS - Looks to replicate the success of spinning off CSI into different locations by giving us NCIS: Los Angeles in the 9 pm slot, airing after the original NCIS. I don't know if that's such a great thing, though I suppose it's a way to build an audience with current NCIS viewers who may potentially follow the show to another night later in the season. The new show stars Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J, though once I hear the name "Chris O'Donnell" I start to look for the remote. I'd be surprised if this brings in enough viewers to make the cancellation of The Unit look like a smart move, though I may be underestimating the loyalty of the average NCIS viewer.

The 10 pm spot is filled by The Good Wife, the latest show to cast Juliana Marguiles as a lawyer. In this show, though, her character returns to practice more than decade after leaving to be a full-time mom, forced to pick things up again after a public sex and corruption scandal lands her husband in jail. The cast looks solid, as it includes Chris Noth, Josh Charles and Christine Baranski. If it's done well, this would be the best pick for the 10 pm slot for the night.

Fox - Will bank on reality for the night, with So You Think You Can Dance? in the fall and American Idol in the spring. I can't imagine they'll go a full two hours for Dance each week, especially with an hour-long results show the next night. Then again, Fox does like to milk hours with reality performance programming, so I'm sure they'll find a way to fill the time.

In the spring, AI will share the night with Past Life, about a pair of "detectives" who determine if your current problems are being caused by who you were in a past life. Um, no.

NBC - Dedicates pretty much their entire non-Leno programming in the evening to The Biggest Loser. In the spring, they'll cut the show to 90 minutes and add 100 Questions, the sitcom about the woman who has a wacky romantic anecdone for each of the 100 questions on a dating service survey. I guess it fits with the expected Loser demographic, but I can't help but have visions of quick-cancelled shows like The Ex-List and Emily's Reasons Why Not floating in my head. They'd have been better off snagging Samantha Who? off of ABC's discard pile.

The night ends with Leno at 10. Get used to that.

The CW - Brings back 90210 and adds to it a new version of Melrose Place. Laura Leighton and Thomas Calabro return from the original, and Ashlee Simpson appears as one of the young, new tenants. If only the network did three hours of programming a night, we'd be guaranteed a revival of Models, Inc. next season. Oh, to dream...

2009-10 Season: Monday

Monday offers up our first taste of split-season goodness, as three of the five networks have separate schedules for fall 2009 and spring 2010.

ABC - Will stick to the reality that's been successful on Monday, with a new installment of Dancing With the Stars in 2009 and The Bachelor in 2010. Backstopping both at 10 pm is Castle, the Bones meets Murder, She Wrote drama that one assumes will follow in the footsteps of mid-season premiers like Eli Stone and October Road and not make it past next season.

CBS - Keeps How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory and puts Accidentally on Purpose in the 8:30 slot. The show stars Jenna Elfman as a woman who gets pregnant after a one-night stand and decides to keep both the baby and the father, a younger guy whose immaturity makes Elfman's character think she has two children to raise. There are various friends and family members who offer her help and advice, as well as an ex-boyfriend (played by Grant Show) to keep things interesting. Sounds OK (though I assume it depends on how much you like Jenna Elfman), and it should last the season at least protected by the other sitcoms.


CSI: Miami rounds out the evening at 10.

Fox - Splits the season, with House in the 8 pm hour, with the 9 pm hour split between Lie to Me in the fall and 24 in the spring. Seems like a solid night for Fox, assuming they can get Lie to Me to build a bit.

NBC - The Peacock opens the season with Heroes at 8 and first-responder drama Trauma at 9. I don't quite think these shows go together all that well, but if Heroes couldn't mesh with the now-departed Medium I suppose it may not make that much difference.

In 2010, we start Mondays with Chuck, a surprise renewal given that the show wasn't mentioned during NBC's "infront" presentation earlier in the month. It pairs with Day One, the show about life after a massive infrastructure failure. I don't know if these shows go together all that well either. With both Heroes and Chuck firmly on the fence as far as ratings go, there's a real chance that all four could get axed at the end of the season if things don't go well.

And then there's the grand Jay Leno experiment, which sees him on at 10 pm every weeknight. I don't know if this is much of a risk, as Leno has a built-in fan base and (I assume) the show has production costs similar to reality programming, making it easier to turn a profit. It may also bring back fans who would watch The Tonight Show if it were on earlier. Probably not the most coveted viewers, but any viewers are welcome in this economy. Still, I'd be very surprised if it won the time slot on Mondays.

The CW - Gives us Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill. The former should keep doing well with its expected target audience, while One Tree Hill seems a little vulnerable with the loss of a couple of its stars. Still, this is probably their strongest night.

2009-10 Season: Sunday

OK, I missed the upfront presentations this week (as the four of you who still read this know, the wife and I had a baby last week, and as expected all of our schedules are out of whack). Instead, I'm going to look night by night at next season's schedule and mock the networks that way. All of this is based on the schedule grid posted over at The Futon Critic. We start with Sunday.

ABC - stands pat with a lineup of America's Funniest Home Videos, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters.

CBS - Returns 60 Minutes, The Amazing Race and Cold Case. They add in Three Rivers, a medical drama focused on an organ transplant team. There's a fair amount of Grey's Anatomy in this one, from the young female resident trying to live up to a legendary parent to the womanizing surgeon. It's going to air opposite Desperate Housewives, which seems like a bad idea.

NBC - has football for the first half of the season, and for the second half goes reality with Dateline NBC, yet another edition of The Apprentice, and something called The Marriage Ref, which sees celebs provide advice and guidance on marriage for non-famous couples. Because if there's any group of people known for rock-solid marriages, it's celebrities. Really, I have no idea why anyone would tune in to NBC once Sunday Night Football wraps for the year. And on that note, I would like to request a new version of the theme song. I'm getting a little sick of Faith Hill.

Fox - Finally gives us The Cleveland Show, the long-awaited spin-off of The Family Guy that features Cleveland Brown moving back to his hometown in Virginia to reuinite with his high school sweetheart. It can't be worse than American Dad, can it?

In 2010 Fox will add the live-action Sons of Tucson, the story of three boys who hire some guy they met at a sporting goods store to pose as their dad because their actual dad has gone to prison. I find this oddly intriguing, even though it doesn't really entice me to watch.

The CW- gave Sunday nights back to their affiliates, which is probably for the best as they've never been able to program the night correctly. Though I wouldn't have objected to them keeping the night in order to save Everybody Hates Chris. But more on that later.

American Idol - Four to Go

Last year, I handicapped American Idol when it got down to the final four, so I figure I should do so again this season. However, thanks to the magic of the DVR, I'm six weeks behind. So take these with an even larger grain of salt than usual (remember, I had David Archuleta at 1-4, and look how that turned out).

Kris Allen - I don't have much of a read on him, as he didn't get a lot of focus during the early part of the season. He's done pretty well in the first couple of episodes (and clearly does well going forward), but to me he's still a bit of a non-entity, at least compared to the other three. I suppose he'd be the "cute" one who makes the top five but never wins. I don't expect he'll be the guy to break the streak. But I may be underestimating him.

Odds of winning: 15-1

Danny Gokey - Unlike Kris, Danny did get a lot of attention in the early going, between auditioning with his best friend (who did not make the semifinals) and his tragic backstory (his wife died due to complications from heart surgery). But he sings well enought that he'd probably have made it this far regardless. Paula predicted he'd make the finals, and I can't say that I disagree.

Odds of winning: 6-1

Allison Iraheta - Allison was clearly the best of this season's subpar group of women. That she's made it this far isn't particularly surprising, as (from what I can tell) she's been very consistent and performs well in her rocker niche. Like Syesha Mercado last season, she's well-positioned from a demographic standpoint, as she's not only the lone remaining woman, she's also the only remaining teen and the only non-white competitor still in the field. While that didn't work out so well for Syesha, it may help that Allison appears to actually have a personality.

Odds of winning: 7-1

Adam Lambert - He's the other person Paula put into the final in her early season prognosticating, and despite a scare last week he seems like he'll make it. And while I don't dislike Adam per se, I can't say he's a fave. I'm not a fan of his emoish look, and in close ups I could swear we're looking at someone closer to 37 than 27.

As for his ability, he clearly has the greatest command of his voice. It's just that he likes to take it to odd, screechy places that, while technically impressive, don't do anything for me. But it does get people talking, as noted by his performance of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire," done in a style very similar to that used by Dilana Robichaux on Rockstar: Supernova (which Randy Jackson attributed to Jeff Buckley for some reason).

That being said, it seems like Adam tones it down enough in later weeks to get unceasing praise from judges and mentors alike (or at least that's what I've read), so he seems to have the inside track.

Odds of winning: 5-2

Upfronts 2009 - NBC

It's that time of year again, when the network bring in the advertisers and try to con them into buying air time during the coming year's programming. NBC kicked things off today with an announcement about the shows that will make up its 2009-10 season, but not the tentative schedule (that's coming later this month, which is when most of the other networks are scheduled to make their announcements).

Anyway, here's what the Peacock has on tap.

Old Shows - NBC announced most of their pick-ups earlier in the year, but we did learn that both Heroes and Medium will be back, while Chuck and My Name is Earl are getting the boot. It would not have surprised me if things went the other way around, though, as none of these shows set the world on fire this season.

I'm also interested to see that Law & Order: SVU is back, but there's been nothing said yet about the original. I assume it'll be back, though I could see it being held to plug a hole somewhere.

Knight Rider, Kath & Kim and Life are all also missing from next season's offerings for the time being, though out of the three I figure only Life might find its way back on the schedule, though I doubt it given that they're bringing Southland back.

New Shows - Most notable here is Jay Leno's new show that'll air each weeknight at 10 pm. I can't say I'm particularly interested (I can't recall the last time I watched a full episode of the Tonight Show), but I figure it will do reasonably well, or at least be cost-effective. I still think this is also motivated by NBC's inability to find solid dramas. They're happy to limp along with the L&O franchise and partner with DirecTV to keep Friday Night Lights afloat, but the vast majority of NBC's hour-long shows haven't been the most inspired offerings.

Which leads us to Parenthood, a second attempt at bringing the 1989 movie to the small screen. This one may go better than the first attempt, as the cast includes Maura Tierney, Peter Krause, Craig T. Nelson and Bonnie Bedelia. Ron Howard and Brian Grazer also appear to be involved (or have at least allowed their names to be used in conjunction), so their input may also help. Still, it's a show based on a 20 year old movie. I expect next season we'll get a bold, contemporary re-imagining of Mrs. Miniver.

Still, this looks better than the other three dramas:

• Trauma is the latest attempt to center a drama around paramedics, which hasn't been successful since Randolph Mantooth and Kevin Tighe played EMTs on Emergency! - in the 1970s.
• Mercy is Grey's Anatomy if the female doctors were nurses. There's even a new doctor for the lead nurse to get entangled with, as if we weren't already sick of the same thing going on at Seattle Grace Hospital.
• Day One follows a group of people who all live in the same southern California apartment building when a "global catastrophe" plays havoc with the infrastructure that keeps us alive. I'm assuming the episode where one of the building-mates gets eaten by the others will kick off fall sweeps.

NBC also announced two new comedies. One, Community, is about the wacky goings on at a community college. I'm leery of college-based shows, as they tend not to do well, but this may do OK buried among the other returning comedies. Even if the cast includes Chevy Chase. The other sitcom 100 Questions, is a romantic comedy where the female lead recounts humorous anecdotes that related to one of the titular questions, which make up a survey offered by a dating site the lead is joining. Ugh.

There are also three unscripted shows in the mix, which I won't bother to describe, though one features self-help guru Anthony Robbins. He's either five years too late to the party or will single-handedly revive the reality genre (and I can tell you which way it's going to go on my series of eight one-hour cassette tapes, on sale for a bargain price of $149.95).

Prognosis - somewhat unclear without seeing how the shows are going to be scheduled, but there's not much here to catch the eye.

They're Listening - Sort Of

While I've not seen any of the new season of American Idol, I am happy to report that Fox did implement two of my suggestions, at least partially. There will be more Hollywood this time around (but no reduction in auditions that I've heard of, though I understand the freak show aspect will be toned down), and they did add a judge, which isn't quite the shake-up I'd hoped for but it's something.

No check yet from Fox for the consulting, though. They must have sent it to my old address.

Worst Coverage Ever?

As much as I've maligned NBC for their Olympic coverage, I think we may have a new low-point for national sports coverage with TBS and their baseball playoff broadcasts.

My reasoning for this is threefold:

1. Announcers who make shit up. I'm looking mostly at Chip Caray here, as he's tried to foist upon the public the idea that the Red Sox's Dustin Pedroia is nicknamed the Little Pony and that Tampa Bay pitcher James Shields is known as Big Game James. I've not heard talk of the Little Pony at all, and it seems like Shields' nickname isn't familiar to Rays fans, either (based on comments over at Joe Posnanski's blog at least).

(BTW, you should read Posnanski's blog.)

Both nicknames could be clubhouse deals, or players having a bit of fun with the media, but I tend to think it's related to TBS not knowing much about baseball, outside of the Braves.

2. Announcers who don't know much about baseball. Back to Caray, who apparently thought that intentionally walking Jason Bay in last night's game was unconventional. The walk loaded the bases, creating a force out at any base, and gave the Rays a lefty batter to face a left pitcher. That's pretty much what you're supposed to do.

I'm assuming Caray's view came from Drew's stats against the pitcher, but even so you'd still walk Bay in this situation. Unless Drew was 97 for 100 with 89 HRs against the guy.

Seeing how this shaping up, maybe TBS just needs to get rid of Caray?

3. Frank TV. Enough has been said about the relentless promotion of this festering pile of television, but it's enough on its own to pray for the league to reconsider its contract. There has to be some sort of clause that lets MLB void the contract for crimes against humanity.

Bring Out Your Dead

Do Not Disturb has rung in the new TV season by becoming its first casualty. For those of you who missed it (or as I like to call them, everyone), it was a sitcom set in a hotel that starred Jerry O'Connell. I don't think I need to go into much more detail to get at why it was canceled, do I?

But this does bring up the subject of this year's Ted Marshall Open, the TV dead pool that used to be named for some Z-grade hack actress whose name I apparently can't mention in this context unless I want to get sued. Do Not Disturb was on my list, so I've got 9 shows to go. My entry:

ER - The venerable medical drama gets its send-off, finally. I'm only tuning in if they figure out a way to bring back Mark Green.

Valentine - This CW series crosses Cupid and Melrose Place by putting mythological beings into the real world (well, Los Angeles), where they live in the same building and do whatever it is that Earth-bound gods do.

This sounded pretty craptacular when I first heard about it, and given how it (and all of the CW's new Sunday lineup) tanked upon premiering last night, I'm looking forward to getting reruns of America's Next Top Model back by Thanksgiving.

Do Not Disturb - see above

Harper's Island - I took a chance on this CBS mid-season show about a destination wedding that happens on an island that may or may not still be the hunting ground of a serial killer. I try not to choose mid-season shows in case they never get aired, but this sounded just dopey enough to give a try. Unfortunately for me, the one review I've read of its teaser suggests it's going to be very good.

Crusoe - I've never liked it when NBC has adapted history or literary works for miniseries, so you can imagine my level of dread for turning one into a series. And while it came too late to factor into my decision, I'm heartened by this piece of research noting that Friday night shows have the worst renewal rate of any night. NBC is just 1 for 14 since 1999, so even better for me.

The Ex-List - As much as I enjoyed Elizabeth Reaser's run as Rebecca/Ava on Grey's Anatomy, I'm a little dismayed that she parlayed it into My Name is Earl done over as a romantic dramedy. In this care, Reaser's character goes to a medium and is told that the love of her life is someone she already rejected. So she now has to go through her exes to find out which reject she needs to take back. As quirky as that might sound, I'm not sure that the average person watching CBS on Friday nights is going to take to this.

Lipstick Jungle - For those who want the Sex and the City vibe without, you know, the sex.

Life on Mars - Now here I may have pressed a bit. I went with this show based on a gut feeling that ABC won't be able to adapt the show for American audiences. That and I didn't care for the one promo I saw this summer. Pretty flimsy, really. I am holding out hope that the crowd won't stick around for it, but there's not much competition on Thursday nights. Unless Eleventh Hour turns out to be a bigger hit than I expected (and really, that show would probably be a better choice here).

The Philanthropist - another mid-season, but it's hard to think that a show about a renegade billionaire fighting for social justice will stick. I suppose it has a shot airing against yet another series of The Bachelor, but I'm betting that people will opt to either watch CSI: Miami or go to bed.

According to Jim - adapting a principle from standard dead pools, once you put a show on the list, keep it there until it dies. I wouldn't do this with any show, but at this point the demise of Jim is getting to be a little personal. Probably too much so.

It turns out that six of these shows are among the top ten chose by pool entrants (Mars, Disturb, Ex List, Valentine, Crusoe, ER). So what four did I pass on that others took?

Gary Unmarried - How I passed on a show with Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall is beyond me. These should be free points. But it's in a good time slot (only Bones offers significant competition) and is protected (so to speak) by veteran shows The New Adventures of Old Christine and Criminal Minds. And if last week's numbers are to be believed, the show built on Christine's lead. So maybe I dodged a bullet here?

Knight Rider - thought it may pull in enough nostalgia/kitsch viewers to linger. From what I've read it's not very good, but we'll see if NBC has enough faith in it to keep it going or move it when something else tanks.

Kath and Kim - I was pretty conflicted about this one, as it looks positively awful from the 300 hours of promotion it got during the Olympics. But I feared that this would be one of those cases where I don't get the humor of the show while some broad segment of the population that I'm not in does get it. So I gave it a pass.

The Mentalist - this latest attempt to foist Simon Baker on the viewing public is yet another show where the protagonist has unique problem-solving abilities that may or may not excuse some set of character flaws. It's as if Jonathan Edward starred on House but with less abrasiveness and drug abuse (the show is on CBS, after all). I'd given this consideration, and then panicked a bit when the show premiered strongly, thinking I'd chosen it. But I didn't, and thus avoided the first show to get renewed this season. Good for me.

So Maybe I'll Watch the Emmys Now?

So, as usual, I didn't bother with the Emmys, and of course they had to go crazy this year and appear to use merit when giving out the awards. So much for my rant about the Emmy love affair with Boston Legal. I could start a rant about their love for 30 Rock, except that it's fave of mine, too.

OK, I did see a few minutes of the awards during a break in football, and caught the tail end of Josh Groban's theme song medley (which I'll have to YouTube), Laura Linney's speech after she won for John Adams (liked the snarky plug for community organizers at the end), and the Laugh-In bit (which was Rob Lowe sings with Sleeping Beauty levels of awful). I can't say I'm sorry to have not watched the show in its entirety.

An open letter

To: Dick Ebersol, Chairman NBC Universal Sports & Olympics
Re: The upcoming Olympics

Dear Mr. Ebersol,

I am writing with an idea that, I think, will greatly enhance the NBC prime time presentation of the upcoming Olympic Games from Beijing.

There are a number of things that have become standard in NBC's presentation that I've gotten used to. Eight minute segments of a single event strewn over three hours to keep me watching? Check. More personal interest stories than the average issue of People? Check.

But the one thing I have never gotten used to is Jimmy Roberts and his nightly "essays." Simple fact: Jimmy Roberts is not Jim McKay. Never was, and never will be. His voice is too high and nasally, and his presentation can generally be described as unctuous.

I was thinking that, in this year that we lost Jim McKay, it may be better suited to give someone else a turn at making these reports on the background stories of the Games: Morgan Freeman.

Have you seen the ads he's voicing for Visa? They cover some relatively well-known Olympic territory - Kerry Strug's one-legged vault and Derek Redmond's dad-assisted 400 meter run - but are given new life by Freeman's majestic delivery. And have you seen March of the Penguins? The man can deliver the goods, and should get to do so from Beijing. Heck, even let Roberts keep writing the segments, if that'll help.

I know time is short, but if you can swing this I think it'd be well-received by all parties. Well, maybe not from Roberts.

Anyway, hope things go well for you, and thanks for the expanded coverage on the cable networks. It's invaluable for people like me who like to actually watch an entire event from start to finish.

Best,

Mark

The Emmys are actually good for something

So the Emmy finalists were announced last week, and for all that I don't care about them I was taken with the haul of nominations for Mad Men, the AMC show about 1960s ad execs. So when the network ran a marathon over the weekend, I figured I'd sample.

I didn't watch more than an episode, sad to say, but I liked what I saw. Off to find the DVDs!

Ending on a High Note

It says something about this season of American Idol that the most genuine and surprising moment was its most important one. I won't get into the meaning of David Cook's upset of presumptive Idol David Archuleta, but rather how this made the rest of the season look by comparison.

For all the talk of this being the most talented group of finalists ever (which, of course, is said every year), it was certainly the least interesting group of finalists ever. I never felt like there was a specific performance that stood out. While people on the show still talk about Fantasia's rendition of "Summertime" or, on the flip side, Sanjaya's attempt at "You Really Got Me," there's nothing in this season that we'll talk about in the same way.

I think too that having a group that was so professional didn't help, either. The emergence of new talent is one of the few genuinely interesting aspects of the show, especially when it takes a bit of a sideways turn (Soul Patrol!). This season, contestants were fully formed, and rarely grew (or shrank) before us.

And with the ratings taking a dip from past seasons, it's an open question whether viewers were disinterested in this group or in the show as a whole. Either way, it's probably time for a change. Which leads us to:

MAKING IT BETTER: American Idol

Herewith are five suggestions for pumping some life into the franchise:

1. Fewer wacky auditions, more Hollywood - I've never enjoyed the Bataan death march of wacky auditions. There's a thick dark line between the truly entertaining awfulness and the poor saps the show sets up for a fall, and the more Fox jumps over it the more obvious it is that they're milking things.

I'd take a couple hours of audition coverage and move it to Hollywood. There's more drama there, and there'd be a greater opportunity to even out coverage time among contestants.

2. Shake up the judging panel - the predictability of this group was more evident than ever this season. From Randy's continued focus on pitch problems to Simon's negativity to Paula taking up residence on Neptune, the judges added even less to the show this season than usual.

Rather than give them some input on voting, a la Dancing With the Stars, I'd suggest rotating judges out for certain weeks, or even rotating Randy or Paula out for a full season (or more). One of the few fresh things about America's Next Top Model's judges has been the transition from Janice Dickinson to Twiggy to Paulina Porizkova, each of whom has brought something different to panel. My suggestion: replace Paula with Toni Braxton, who is somewhat less crazy than Paula and could use the work.

3. Introduce a number to vote against a contestant - set up a toll number where viewers would call and select from a menu the contestant they want to vote against. These votes would be subtracted from each contestant's vote total. Donate money from these calls to Idol Gives Back to give the negative a positive spin.

4. Restrict the use of instruments - rather than have half of the contestants rooted behind an instrument, give them four chances to play along over the course of the finals. And to make things more interesting, they can only use the same instrument in three of the four performances.

5. Take a season off - it may be time to give America a breather and let the talent pool refresh a bit. So rather than get all new contestants next season, go back and open things up to any contestant who made it to Hollywood but was not a finalist. Bring back Frenchie Davis, the Brittenum twins, and that kid this year who always wore a tie. Fans always have a couple of favorites who didn't make the finals, so this may reinvigorate the fan base a bit.

Upfronts - Fox

Fox introduced five new shows, two of which will likely be the most talked-about going into the season, given who's involved.

What's gone? - no real surprises, as most of last season's new shows were cut.

What's back? - Kitchen Nightmares and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles are back. Marginal surprises both, as the former wasn't as good as the BBC original, and the latter didn't quite have the ratings Fox was hoping for.

All the older shows are back, with Bones and House moving in 2009 when American Idol comes back. Kudos (for now) to Fox for cutting the Idol results show to a half-hour, but I fear it'll bloat back to an hour given the "to be announced" slot that's currently after it.

24 will also be back in the fall with a two hour prequel of season 7, whetting our appetites for another crazy day with Jack Bauer.

What's new - Five shows, two with notable creators. Dollhouse comes to use from Joss Whedon of Buffy fame. It focuses on people who are being used by a shadowy organization for a variety of missions, after which the agents have their minds wiped clean and reprogrammed for their new mission. Buffy alum Eliza Dushku stars. As it's the lead show from 24, expect a quick hook if it can't deliver ratings.

The other notable show is Fringe, J.J. Abrams' latest show to involve an airplane flight turned sinister. In this case, the flight arrives at its destination (Boston, woo!), but all the passengers and crew have died in grisly fashion (first mystery - how did the plane land?). This sets of an investigation that's more than it seems, etc. Joshua Jackson (known to most as Pacey from Dawson's Creek is the most notable cast member, playing the son of a mentally unstable genius who becomes part of the investigation.

From what I've read the pilot for the show cost $10 million, so it better be pretty damn good. It should help that Fringe will follow House and Idol during the year.

Fox's latest sitcom to avoid seems to be Do Not Disturb, a hotel-based show starring Jerry O'Connell. Between the DOA Welcome to the Captain and O'Connell's flop turn on Carpoolers, this sounds probelmatic from the go. It'll follow Til Death on Wednesdays, though both follow Bones, which makes this an odd night (and one that will likely disappoint if the shows do all get transplanted to Friday in 2009, though I expect this one to be gone by then).

Secret Millionaire will follow Hell's Kitchen on Thursdays in 2009. It will take rich people and move them into less affluent areas, where they'll try to live on minimum wage and become involved in their communities. At the end, they'll decide what people or groups are worthy of getting some of their fortune. It's like an ambush version of Oprah's Big Give, but with it being on Fox I somehow expect that it will explot the poor more than help them.

Sunday's animation block brings two new shows - Sit Down, Shut Up is about the staff at a high school whose personal lives come before the kids. It's from the Arrested Development folks, so this may be pretty interesting. The other offering is The Cleveland Show, which puts Cleveland from Family Guy moves from Quahog to Stoolbend, Virginia to reunite with an unrequited love. It can't be worse than American Dad, even with the likely hillbilly jokes.

Prognosis? - Fox will do fine with its existing shows, and I figure at least one of the new high-profile dramas will do well, though both may stick if fans of other Whedon/Abrams shows come along. I'm less high on any of the comedies, though the animated shows should both last for the season at least. I'm a little irritated that Bones may get shunted to Friday, though I expect something will get canceled to open up a spot somewhere else.

Upfronts - CBS

Hard to believe, but the Eye will premiere more shows next season than ABC. Of course, it's only by one, and CBS isn't clogging its schedule with dancing.

What's gone? - Buy your peanut futures now, as Jericho is once again canceled. I do not expect another miracle save. Shark takes the ultimate sophomore slump, while first-year shows Cane and Moonlight either were strike casualties or weren't that good, depending on how you want to spin it.

What's back? - No major surprises here, though the mid-season return of Rules of Engagement puts the last nail in the coffin for my dead pool entry. Some of the dramas look like they've moved, but I can't say I watch much CBS to know for sure. Nothing looks egregious, though I'm not sure that The New Adventures of Old Christine is strong enough to lead off on Wednesdays.

What's new? - Three hours and two half-hours. The hours:

The Mentalist is about a celebrity psychic turned detective who uses his powers of observation to ferret out killers. Like Ghost Whisperer, but with smaller boobs. It's on between NCIS and Without a Trace, which I suppose makes sense given the crime-solving aspects of all three shows.

Eleventh Hour follows a governmental special advisor who investigates "scientific crises and oddities." So it's The X-Files without Scully. But it's on after CSI, so it should get some viewers.

The Ex-List is about a woman who decides that her future love interest is actually a guy from her past, so she goes through the titular list to find him. It stars Elizabeth Reaser, better known as Rebecca/Ava from Grey's Anatomy. It's on after Ghost Whisperer, setting up a femme-friendly Friday that Numbers doesn't seem to fit into. Unless Rob Morrow is the CBS analogue of Patrick Dempsey.

The half-hours:

Worst Week is about a guy who causes problems every time he's around his girlfriend's parents, who don't care for him (for obvious reasons). Nothing special here, though if Kurtwood Smith can bring Red Foreman to the present day, I'm in for at least a couple of episodes. It's the last show in the Monday comedy block, and should already be picking out gifts for Two and a Half Men's lead-in.

Project Gary features a couple who, now divorced after 15 years of marriage, must work around each other as they raise their kids and get back into the dating game. DEAD POOL ALERT: the show stars Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall, which means it may just get canceled during the first commercial break of the first episode.

Oh, there's also the new mid-season drama Harper's Island, where a destination wedding turns into a murder investigation. Who has a destination wedding on an island that had a serial killer run amok, even if it was seven years ago?

Prognosis - Meh. CBS is as CBS does. I don't expect anything to really take off or tank, though I don't have a lot of faith in any of the new shows.

Upfronts: The CW

A few changes to report on at the WBUPN, most of which will not concern you unless you are under 25, deeply into fashion, or a media business nerd.

What's out? - Girlfriends is the oldest show to get the hook, while Beauty and the Geek gets the hook at least one season too late. Aliens in America is also toast, a bit of a strike casualty I think. Then there are all the generically-named shows like CW Now and Online Nation that no one could tell apart.

What's back? - Among last year's new shows, Gossip Girl and Reaper managed to stick, with the latter coming back in midseason. Gossip Girl will team with One Tree Hill on Monday, Smallville and Supernatural will hold down Thursday, while Everybody Hates Chris and The Game are banished to Friday.

What's new? - Tuesday brings one of the more talked about shows with 90210, a return to the teens of West Beverly Hills High, hopefully with actors whose ages are closer to 20 than 30. Jennie Garth will have a recurring role, the only link to the original. It's paired with Surviving the Filthy Rich, the story of an Ivy-educated journalist who gets fired and becomes the tutor/nanny for a rich family's girls. It's based on some chick lit book I've never heard of, which isn't a shock as I'm not exactly in the genre's target demo.

Wednesday will pair America's Next Top Model with Stylista, another Tyra Banks reality show which lands on the other side of the camera as it seeks to find an up and coming editor for Elle.

Sunday's lineup will no longer be reruns (Friday gets an encore of ANTM, though), but instead will feature shows from Media Rights Capital, an independent producer of movies, TV and new media content. The announcement pushed the idea that this allows the CW to focus on weeknights, with an emphasis on Friday as an important night for "retailers and marketers with a weekend product push." Friday night seems a little late to push things for the weekend, but I'll allow them their spin. I'm sure the CW's inability to program Sunday in the past has nothing to do with this.

Prognosis? - Great, if you're a 14 year old girl. 90210 may intially bring in some parents who remember the original, but I'm not sure there'll be enough nostalgia to keep them around. Thursday and Friday seem like the nights with the most potential for a diverse audience, but I don't think they can compete on either night (though Friday is pretty much a wash for everyone). I don't expect this lineup will see the CW break out of netlet status, but it's going to really work for the CW's core viewers.

Upfronts - ABC

Remember when ABC took the pasta approach to programming and threw a dozen or so series against the wall to see which one or two would stick? Well, those days are over, at least for now (or they've transplanted that approach to summer, given the 392 reality shows they appear to be launching). Only four new shows have been announced for next season, so if you liked something ABC had on this year, you'll probably get to see it next year.

What's gone - Unless, of course, you liked any of the following: Men in Trees, Women's Murder Club, Big Shots, Carpoolers, Cavemen, Notes from the Underbelly, Cashmere Mafia, Miss/Guided, October Road or Oprah's Big Give. Not much to miss there, but I thought that Miss/Guided was worth a renewal, at least moreso than According to Jim, which continues to taint my dead pool.

What's back? - Of the established shows returning, Eli Stone is the only real surprise, surviving its mid-season launch to get picked up for next year. Also coming back - though not to its original network - is Scrubs, which will make its ABC debut at mid-season.

And as much as I didn't like to see Jim return, I'm downright puzzled about The Bachelor coming back. It should have been put to pasture a long time ago.

What's new? - Not much, as ABC only announced two new shows for the fall and two for mid-season. For the fall, we'll get Opportunity Knocks a reality/game show where the show surprises a family at home and then quizzes people on how well they know each other. Meh. The other fall show is the US version of Life on Mars, a British drama where a current-day cop is transported back to the 1970s. I'd always meant to watch this when it was on BBC America, and will probably give its American cousin a go.

For mid-season, there's The Goode Family, a Mike Judge-animated show about a family that tries to, well, do good (by recycling and the like), with humorous unintended consequences. We'll see. The other show is an untitled "beauty pageant unlike any you've ever seen," from the genius pairing of Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks. How this escaped the CW I'll never know.

Prognosis? - Good. ABC didn't mess with Sunday or Thursday at all (other than putting Life on Mars on after Grey's Anatomy, which can't hurt), and Monday and Tuesday still have Dancing With the Stars to bring in viewers. Wednesday is the biggest test, as ABC will get to see if Pushing Daisies, Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money can build on their strike-shortened seasons.

Upfront 2008 - NBC

Combine a sputtering economy and a writer's strike which limited the number of pilots, and you have what's shaping up as a lame upfront season. NBC didn't help matters by ditching the traditional upfront presentation, going instead with smaller presentations in April they called "infronts" and by having something today called the NBC Universal Experience. I'm assuming cotton candy and pony rides are involved.

In any case, if this is any indication, NBC may have been smart to lay low. The basics:

Who's gone? - Las Vegas leads a slew of new shows (like Bionic Woman and Journeyman) and game show/reality offerings (like 1 v. 100 and The Singing Bee) into the abyss. It'll also become more clear tomorrow if Scrubs is done or finally moving to ABC.

What's back? - Everything you'd expect, plus Lipstick Jungle. ER is back for what is being called its final season. Finally.

Oh, and The Apprentice is back, too. No word on it being its last season, unfortunately.

What's new - Nothing that looks likely to get the Peacock out of fourth place. For scripted shows there's the trio of Merlin, Kings and Crusoe, all of which seem like they were stolen from Sci-Fi. None sound particularly compelling, though Merlin may pick up some cult TV fans with the casting of Colin Morgan (from Dr. Who) and Anthony Head of Buffy fame.

The most notable hour-long show is probably My Own Worst Enemy, which stars Christian Slater as a man whose two personalities - one a dull suburbanite, the other some sort of genius secret agent who can kill with his teeth - begin to cross over into each other. I'm thinking there'll be less interest in the concept than in Slater's involvement.

The other two hour-long shows are The Listener about a paramedic who can read thoughts (pass - I'll wait for Matt Parkman to get back to work on Heroes) and The Philanthropist, which is about a billionaire who uses his money and connections to directly help people. This show originally involved Tom Fontana and Barry Levinson of Homicide fame, but both have left the show due to the network moving the focus of the show away from social issues to more escapist plots. At what point do these two just stop trying to work with NBC?

For sitcoms, there are two options: an as-yet untitled spin-off of The Office and the US version of an Australian show called Kath & Kim. The former doesn't seem to actually involve any characters from The Office; it's more of a spin-off for Greg Daniels. The latter stars Molly Shannon and Selma Blair as a mother-daugter pair who are now living together after the daughter gets divorced. Snore!

There's lots of reality junk, too, from a show that seems like it's been ripped off from BBC America's Last Restaurant Standing to a show that seems to follow the day to day exploits of Howie Mandel. That has to be a joke, right?

I will say I have some interest in Who Do You Think You Are?, which will take a new celebrity each week and look at their family tree for interesting stories. It may only appeal to geneaology nerds like me, but I'll take it over Ryan Seacrest's new show looking for momma's boys.

Prognosis? - It's hard to make this call without seeing the other networks, but I have a feeling there won't be night that NBC won't be getting its ass handed to it. Monday and Thursday look like the nights where things will go least poorly, though the post-football Fantacrap Sunday (Merlin, Medium, Kings) may be different enough to pull in some viewers.

Three Guys a Girl and a Singing Place

We're down to the final four contestants on American Idol (you can thank me later for not writing about contestants five through 24):

David Archuleta has been the once and future Idol pretty much from the start. He's not been in the bottom group at all, and will likely not face elimination until the finals. He's a 16 year old who likes to sing inspirational songs, so he gets love from pre-teens and grannies alike. Or at least those who aren't sick of his weekly dose of hope, love and dreams. That and his sometimes irritating naivety may be the only thing that can do him in.

Odds of winning: 1 to 4

Jason Castro is living proof that you can wear dreads and live in Texas without someone named Joe Jack trying to beat you to death with a tire iron (although he's from what looks to be a Dallas exurb, which may not have as many good ole boys as it once did). I'm not a fan of the dreads, but they do draw attention away from his nose, which is a point for those who say that things grow bigger in Texas.

Castro is a bit of a hipster doofus, appealing to the Jack Johnson crowd with his penchant for performing only with his acoustic guitar (or, once, a ukelele). His performances are often compared to late-night dorm sing-alongs or other settings which suggest a certain herbal mood enhancement. He winds up in the bottom group on occasion, thanks to a limited vocal range and the occasional odd song selection (his choice of "Memories" during Andrew Lloyd Webber week stands out). I can't see him making it past next week, and am a little surprised he outlasted a couple of the more recently-dispatched women.

Odds of winning: 25 to 1

David Cook is this year's rocker, though he's only about 70 percent as rock (or as pretentious) as Chris Daughtry. He's also taking the Blake Lewis/Chris Sligh approach by rearranging songs to fit his style, though not hitting the Lionel Ritchie-as-Coldplay depths thanks to mostly using existing arrangements (such as Chris Cornell's version of "Billie Jean"). And, like Daughtry, he's the finalist who could put out an album next week if he had to.

Unlike Daughtry, Cook will make the finals. And even though he'll probably lose, I think he'd be happy with continuing the Daughtry comparison through his debut album, at least.

Odds of winning: 8 to 1

Syesha Mercado is the last female contestant standing, which is pretty impressive for someone who has no discernible personality. She's pleasant enough, and fits the traditional diva role well enough, but otherwise she's a bit of a cipher. We know she acts a bit, and can mimic a crying baby pretty well, but beyond that it's like a shadowy government agency has deleted her past.

Mercado is also the last African-American contestant standing, so if you put much stock into gender or ethnic voting blocs you can make the argument that she'll be in the finals. I don't think that'll happen, but you never know. Not that making the finals would help her, as Archuleta is a better diva than she is.

Odds of winning: 11 to 1

Two Apologies

1. To the three people who probably check this site on any basis, as I've been very neglectful towards posting anything. I'll work to rectify this, though it may be tough given that we're in kind of a dead zone with shows beginning to trickle back on with new episodes.

2. To Chris Parnell, for not being particularly favorable towards your work based on Saturday Night Live, which was based less on what you actually did and more on my general lack of interest in the show. Your work on 30 Rock and Miss Guided changes things quite a bit.

(On a related note, I did manage to catch two episodes of the latter show last week, and I thought it was pretty good. Certainly better than most of the sitcoms ABC threw at us this season, and more worthy of a shot at a full season in 2008-09, too. Then again, I also have kind of a thing for Judy Greer, so take that bias for what it's worth.)

Not a Sympathy Strike

How to explain my absence here? Simple: laziness. I've been watching TV, but just not writing about it. It's been pretty boring, truth be told, as our DVR backlog delayed any meaningful entry into the new season until recently.

About the only thing of note is that I've become a very late convert to The Amazing Race. Caught an episode over the holidays and watched from there on out.

For scripted stuff I have nothing to add other than excitement over the return of Lost this week. Well, I will add some disappointment with the current seasons of House and Grey's Anatomy. I'm more irritated at the latter, as I figure House has one story line per year that irritates me, and this year it's the hunt to replace the Cottages (tm Television Without Pity).

I do find myself watching more news of late, especially election coverage. I want to hit Wolf Blitzer every time he refers to the CNN panel of talking heads as the greatest political team on television. That or cry on the off chance that he is, indeed, correct.

New on TV Kitchen Nightmares

The success of Hell's Kitchen on Fox led to this American version of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, which has been running on BBC America. I was concerned about Fox doing the US version, given that it's a show that perhaps doesn't need a dose of that Fox attitude.

Based on the first episode, my concerns were only partially allayed.

On the positive side, the show mostly follows the original's blueprint. Ramsay shows up, tries some of the food, watches the workings of the restaurant for a day, and then makes changes. But the way this plays out is wrong. More time was spent showing the staff arguing or the hotheaded restaurant manager looking to fight bill collectors than on talking about turning the restaurant around.

When that does start, the show then gets too Extreme Makeover by springing for new kitchen appliances. The original never did that, and my take is that it allows the manager to get away with the poor decisions he'd previously made regarding the kitchen. I suppose it should be comfort enough that he finally learned that he was the restaurant's biggest problem.

The way the show was put together reminded me of Nanny 911 more than the original of this show. I think it's the production and the voice-overs. Or perhaps it's all the yelling.

Oh, one change that I did not like is that they don't go back to the restaurant to see if the changes had stuck and how the restaurant was now faring. Could be that they taped too recently to do this effectively, but that's an interesting part of the original that they should have kept.

It's not a bad adaptation, but I wish it was more like the original.

New on TV: Merv Griffin's Crosswords

I caught this pretty much by accident last week (it's on during the dinner hour on the MyTV affiliate in New Hampshire), and it was interesting, if not particularly compelling.

A group of five contestants try to solve a crossword puzzle, with two contestants playing for money and three others acting as spoilers. If the spoiler gets a word correct, they can choose to replace one of the money contestants, who then moves to the spoiler's podium. So if you like marginal word games and lots of walking, this show is for you!

At the end, the player with the most money gets to play the bonus game, which is 90 seconds to complete the puzzle. It's enough time, though the rigamarole that the contestant has to go through for each word - say the clue number, host repeats, screen zooms in on word, host reads hint, player gives and spells answer, host verifies - there's a lot of time lost in process.

The big prize was a trip to Mexico, which harkens back to the great syndicated game shows of the 1980s. If only AMC were still around to give away Eagle station wagons to five-time champions.

So no, it's not a great show. It's better than the likes of Starface, though.

The South Shan't Rise Again

We have our first casualty of the new TV season, as Fox yanked Nashville after just two airings. Given its similarity in set-up to the youth-oriented Laguna Beach, I'm not sure why Fox put this show on Friday nights, when most of the young people are out doing stuff.

This is one of the shows I skipped over in the LaPlaca in favor of shows like Cane and Rules of Engagement, both of which did well in their season premiers this week. I am not going to do well this year.

New Season, New Losers?

As a new season gets into gear tonight, let's take a look at the shows whose demise I've predicted in the LaPlaca Open, ranked in order of bonus points I'll get if the show gets the axe:

10: Carpoolers - I've read nothing positive about this show, and the promos on ABC have not been helping. It also features Jerry O'Connell, who I don't exactly think of when it comes to comedy.

The one saving grace this show may have is that it's not up against any blockbusters. And if Cavemen manages to draw people in, it may survive as the bridge into Dancing With the Stars.

But I don't think so.

9: Moonlight - It's bascially Angel for the moms of that show's fans. That or this show about a LA vampire turned detective is just an amazing coincidence.

Fridays are pretty quiet to begin with, so I'm not sure how this will fare against the praised but lightly sampled Friday Night Lights or ABC's new female-centered line up of Women's Murder Club and Men in Trees.

8: New Amsterdam - more immortal crime fighters, but this time a NYC cop whose been living for hundreds of years. Fox pushed this back to mid-season, which suggests a lack of confidence and, hopefully, a mid-season burn off.

7: Lipstick Jungle - another mid-season pick, not sure why I went with it other than it seems awful late in the game to try to rip off Sex and the City. For now it looks like it's going to take the Sunday at 10 spot for NBC, which seems an odd replacement for Sunday Night Football.

6: Cavemen - I thought there was a rush to judgement on this show based on its genesis from Geico ads, but when the negative press continued based on early show reviews, I figured I'd jump in. Novelty may keep this afloat for a while, and I hope we don't have a repeat of Til Death where enough people watch to keep the show going until it finds itself.

5: Rules of Engagement - kind of desperation pick, really. I'm hoping it gets lost between Heroes and 24. I should have gone back and taken a shot at Notes From the Underbelly.

4: Scrubs - I didn't read that this was an official last season, so I got uck here. Just didn't rank it highly enough.

3: According to Jim - yes, I went back to the well. It can't live forever. Can it?

2: Cane - kind of counter-intuitive, given the growth in Hispanic programming, but reviews are pretty marginal, and I'm counting on the desire not to watch crap transcending ethnicity. It has to, otherwise we'd still be stuck with Freddie.

1: Chuck - a total guess here, based on what reviews I could find. Could work with Heroes, perhaps by cutting that show's bombast with some humor.

Popular picks I didn't make:

Viva Laughlin - really should have gone with it. The bizarre factor will only keep it on the air for so long.

K-Ville - I have hopes for this show, given that it's not set on either coast and has a cast whose diversity isn't the obvious by-product of a marketing team. I do worry that Fox will make it more about swamp boat chases and New Orleans atmosphere than anything else.

Samantha Who - passed because it had a couple of decent early reviews and it has a nice time slot - at least for the fall. It may fade when it starts sharing Monday with Wife Swap rather than Dancing With the Stars.

Life - a cop unjustly sent to prison uses his experience when he rejoins the force after being released. It does have a very tought time slot, as Wednesday at 10 already has CSI: New York and the new Dirty Sexy Money.

Nashville - given its tankalicious debut last week, a clear miss for me.

What I Watched On My Summer Vacation

With the new season around the corner, figured it was high time to, you know, post something.

My plans for the summer, TV-wise, was to catch up with the backlog of recorded programs. That hasn't gone quite as planned, as we're only now up to the final finale for The Apprentice and are a good three or four episodes remaining on our other regular shows (most recent shocking plot twist: Mrs. McCluskey has her hubby stashed in her basement freezer on Desperate Housewives).

What's been slowing us down is our real-time (or close to real-time) summer viewing. Lots of food-related programming here - Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Dinner: Impossible. The wife also worked through all 700 hours of So You Think You Can Dance, most of which I was spared by the new placement of the computer relative to the TV.

Nerd programming also slowed us down, as we got through Simon Schama's The Power of Art while we have several History Detectives waiting for eventual viewing. I have solo nerd duty for Eureka, which I think I've enjoyed more this season than last.

We've had to pass on most other summer offerings, including a short-lived attempt to record Damages for future viewing. Sorry, Glenn.

This summer has proved to me, more than any other, that there is no more off-season for TV. I may never catch up.

Curses! Foiled Again!

It's old news by now, but given the ratings for the show I'm sure many didn't notice that According to Jim got picked up by ABC for next season. This was kind of a surprise, especially as there was some thought that Courtney Thorne-Smith was leaving the show.

I stop to mention this here because, for the second time in my life, According to Jim has been a stumbling block for me in the LaPlaca TV dead pool. It's not that big of a deal this time around - ABC's renewal of both Men in Trees and Notes From the Underbelly did me in well beforehand - but it was a rather nasty parting shot from the Alphabet Network nonetheless.

It must be something about family-oriented sitcoms. The very first year of the pool my lone miss was Yes, Dear, while the following year I took Reba and my first pass at Jim. I won't get into the year where I bet heavily on longer-running shows (Drew Carey, Becker, and Friends) and took it on the chin.

In any case, I can guarantee that of the 10 shows I submit this year, According to Jim will not be among them. I clearly am not the man to bring Belushi down.

More fun: the show or the sniping?

You would have expected a TV blog to comment on the end of The Sopranos in a more timely fashion than I am, but my late entry into the topic is explained by a simple fact.

I've never watched a full episode of the show.

Two pretty simple reasons for this: one, I'm too cheap to get HBO, and two, I've not watched half of the DVDs I have now to take on a new show. That being said, I know tangentially about the show, but wasn't really in the same mode as many people when the last episode cut to black. And I'm really not in the same mode as those who have vented their spleen at the lack of "payoff" in the show's open-ended ending.

But I have enjoyed the griping, such as this discussion at TV Barn. And I've gotten to enjoy it for free, saving the untold hundreds of dollars I'd have spent on HBO over the run of the show. So I should at least thank David Chase for that.

I can't really say if I'd have been mad at this ending were I a fan, but I will say that I was disappointed with the Homicide movie that was made to wrap up that series. Perhaps there are some stories that aren't meant to end cleanly.

It worked?

Fan protests rarely bring back a show once cancelled, and the various histrionics used in the attempt are, at best, fun to watch. You'd think after the annual rite, fans of cancelled shows would get the hint and, rather than create Internet petitions, sit quietly and wait for the DVDs.

Don't expect that to happen any time soon, now that fans of Jericho have apparently convinced CBS to bring the show back on a limited basis next season.

I'll admit to being one of those people who got away from the show after its mid-season vacation, always planning to catch up with episodes on Comcast On Demand but never quite doing so. I don't feel like I've missed much, but with this announcement and a summer with mostly reruns, I figure I'll get back on board. The only question is will I fall back off between September and whenever the show actually returns?