Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Leaving the Lane

We finally got through the last episode of Desperate Housewives last night, and can't say that I'll miss it. I did like how the very last scene referenced the major theme of secrecy (and like even better that it's not leading to some sort of reboot), but was hoping for more resolution with older characters (especially the kids, who were largely absent in the final season). Though I should give kudos to Kathryn Joosten for taking her real-life lung cancer battle and playing it out through Karen McClusky. I can't even imagine what that was like.

In any case, we did learn how each of the main characters filled out their years away from Fairview, which I will rank here in descending order of plausibility.

5. Renee Perry and Ben Faulkner got married and were never heard from again. I know this character was in the supporting/special guest Housewife role, but it wouldn't have hurt to at least make a reference to the happy couple's future.So to me, the idea that nothing happened to them is the least believable result of the bunch. I'd have written them in as the ones that stayed on the lane for the rest of their lives, a twist on Renee's early disdain for the suburbs.

4. Bree and Tripp move to Louisville, where she becomes a state legislator. I have no doubt Bree would fit in with the moneyed class in Kentucky, what with her twin sets, traditional family values, and arms cache. But ten minutes on Google would give any opponent the information that Bree is an alcoholic, was once the Fairview town pump, was on trial for murder, has a gay son, and a daughter who makes a living selling sex swings on the Internet. That might be OK in Texas or Louisiana, but I'm sure the Bluegrass State has an even more self-satisfied prig with an eye for public office that would put up quite a primary fight.

3. Susan moves to wherever Julie is going to school to get a new start. The implausible part of this is that Susan didn't run anyone over or suddenly need a heart transplant while driving away. Or that she didn't actually see the ghosts who were all standing around watching her leave and drive into a telephone pole. Otherwise, the idea that she'd move off the street where both of her husbands died makes a lot of sense.

2. Gaby parlays her personal shopping into a website and TV deal, moves to a California mansion. I don't know how you'd actually do that (moving to online and TV would make her more of an impersonal shopper), but if you can create a sitcom based on a Twitter feed, what happens here is entirely plausible.I also like how Carlos was critical to getting things going, in that it (a) breaks the pattern that one of the pair would be too busy in business to be a good spouse, and (b) that for as much as Carlos wants to do something meaningful, at his core he's about success.

Also fully believable: that they'd buy some gaudy monstrosity of a house and spend all their free time yelling at each other while having drinks in the pool.

1. Lynette and Tom move to New York so she can run the US division of Mayfair's Microwave Mangerables. The only problem I have with this ending is the reveal that the couple only has six grandkids. Does fecundity skip a generation?  Can the male kids only reproduce by accident? Are all the kids scarred by their family life and swear to not have kids, leaving only Paige to make up the difference? Yeah, the last one.

The most plausible part, of course, is that Lynette spends her quality time with the grandkids yelling at them. Why should that ever change?


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