Bring Out Your Dead

Do Not Disturb has rung in the new TV season by becoming its first casualty. For those of you who missed it (or as I like to call them, everyone), it was a sitcom set in a hotel that starred Jerry O'Connell. I don't think I need to go into much more detail to get at why it was canceled, do I?

But this does bring up the subject of this year's Ted Marshall Open, the TV dead pool that used to be named for some Z-grade hack actress whose name I apparently can't mention in this context unless I want to get sued. Do Not Disturb was on my list, so I've got 9 shows to go. My entry:

ER - The venerable medical drama gets its send-off, finally. I'm only tuning in if they figure out a way to bring back Mark Green.

Valentine - This CW series crosses Cupid and Melrose Place by putting mythological beings into the real world (well, Los Angeles), where they live in the same building and do whatever it is that Earth-bound gods do.

This sounded pretty craptacular when I first heard about it, and given how it (and all of the CW's new Sunday lineup) tanked upon premiering last night, I'm looking forward to getting reruns of America's Next Top Model back by Thanksgiving.

Do Not Disturb - see above

Harper's Island - I took a chance on this CBS mid-season show about a destination wedding that happens on an island that may or may not still be the hunting ground of a serial killer. I try not to choose mid-season shows in case they never get aired, but this sounded just dopey enough to give a try. Unfortunately for me, the one review I've read of its teaser suggests it's going to be very good.

Crusoe - I've never liked it when NBC has adapted history or literary works for miniseries, so you can imagine my level of dread for turning one into a series. And while it came too late to factor into my decision, I'm heartened by this piece of research noting that Friday night shows have the worst renewal rate of any night. NBC is just 1 for 14 since 1999, so even better for me.

The Ex-List - As much as I enjoyed Elizabeth Reaser's run as Rebecca/Ava on Grey's Anatomy, I'm a little dismayed that she parlayed it into My Name is Earl done over as a romantic dramedy. In this care, Reaser's character goes to a medium and is told that the love of her life is someone she already rejected. So she now has to go through her exes to find out which reject she needs to take back. As quirky as that might sound, I'm not sure that the average person watching CBS on Friday nights is going to take to this.

Lipstick Jungle - For those who want the Sex and the City vibe without, you know, the sex.

Life on Mars - Now here I may have pressed a bit. I went with this show based on a gut feeling that ABC won't be able to adapt the show for American audiences. That and I didn't care for the one promo I saw this summer. Pretty flimsy, really. I am holding out hope that the crowd won't stick around for it, but there's not much competition on Thursday nights. Unless Eleventh Hour turns out to be a bigger hit than I expected (and really, that show would probably be a better choice here).

The Philanthropist - another mid-season, but it's hard to think that a show about a renegade billionaire fighting for social justice will stick. I suppose it has a shot airing against yet another series of The Bachelor, but I'm betting that people will opt to either watch CSI: Miami or go to bed.

According to Jim - adapting a principle from standard dead pools, once you put a show on the list, keep it there until it dies. I wouldn't do this with any show, but at this point the demise of Jim is getting to be a little personal. Probably too much so.

It turns out that six of these shows are among the top ten chose by pool entrants (Mars, Disturb, Ex List, Valentine, Crusoe, ER). So what four did I pass on that others took?

Gary Unmarried - How I passed on a show with Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall is beyond me. These should be free points. But it's in a good time slot (only Bones offers significant competition) and is protected (so to speak) by veteran shows The New Adventures of Old Christine and Criminal Minds. And if last week's numbers are to be believed, the show built on Christine's lead. So maybe I dodged a bullet here?

Knight Rider - thought it may pull in enough nostalgia/kitsch viewers to linger. From what I've read it's not very good, but we'll see if NBC has enough faith in it to keep it going or move it when something else tanks.

Kath and Kim - I was pretty conflicted about this one, as it looks positively awful from the 300 hours of promotion it got during the Olympics. But I feared that this would be one of those cases where I don't get the humor of the show while some broad segment of the population that I'm not in does get it. So I gave it a pass.

The Mentalist - this latest attempt to foist Simon Baker on the viewing public is yet another show where the protagonist has unique problem-solving abilities that may or may not excuse some set of character flaws. It's as if Jonathan Edward starred on House but with less abrasiveness and drug abuse (the show is on CBS, after all). I'd given this consideration, and then panicked a bit when the show premiered strongly, thinking I'd chosen it. But I didn't, and thus avoided the first show to get renewed this season. Good for me.

So Maybe I'll Watch the Emmys Now?

So, as usual, I didn't bother with the Emmys, and of course they had to go crazy this year and appear to use merit when giving out the awards. So much for my rant about the Emmy love affair with Boston Legal. I could start a rant about their love for 30 Rock, except that it's fave of mine, too.

OK, I did see a few minutes of the awards during a break in football, and caught the tail end of Josh Groban's theme song medley (which I'll have to YouTube), Laura Linney's speech after she won for John Adams (liked the snarky plug for community organizers at the end), and the Laugh-In bit (which was Rob Lowe sings with Sleeping Beauty levels of awful). I can't say I'm sorry to have not watched the show in its entirety.

An open letter

To: Dick Ebersol, Chairman NBC Universal Sports & Olympics
Re: The upcoming Olympics

Dear Mr. Ebersol,

I am writing with an idea that, I think, will greatly enhance the NBC prime time presentation of the upcoming Olympic Games from Beijing.

There are a number of things that have become standard in NBC's presentation that I've gotten used to. Eight minute segments of a single event strewn over three hours to keep me watching? Check. More personal interest stories than the average issue of People? Check.

But the one thing I have never gotten used to is Jimmy Roberts and his nightly "essays." Simple fact: Jimmy Roberts is not Jim McKay. Never was, and never will be. His voice is too high and nasally, and his presentation can generally be described as unctuous.

I was thinking that, in this year that we lost Jim McKay, it may be better suited to give someone else a turn at making these reports on the background stories of the Games: Morgan Freeman.

Have you seen the ads he's voicing for Visa? They cover some relatively well-known Olympic territory - Kerry Strug's one-legged vault and Derek Redmond's dad-assisted 400 meter run - but are given new life by Freeman's majestic delivery. And have you seen March of the Penguins? The man can deliver the goods, and should get to do so from Beijing. Heck, even let Roberts keep writing the segments, if that'll help.

I know time is short, but if you can swing this I think it'd be well-received by all parties. Well, maybe not from Roberts.

Anyway, hope things go well for you, and thanks for the expanded coverage on the cable networks. It's invaluable for people like me who like to actually watch an entire event from start to finish.

Best,

Mark

The Emmys are actually good for something

So the Emmy finalists were announced last week, and for all that I don't care about them I was taken with the haul of nominations for Mad Men, the AMC show about 1960s ad execs. So when the network ran a marathon over the weekend, I figured I'd sample.

I didn't watch more than an episode, sad to say, but I liked what I saw. Off to find the DVDs!

Ending on a High Note

It says something about this season of American Idol that the most genuine and surprising moment was its most important one. I won't get into the meaning of David Cook's upset of presumptive Idol David Archuleta, but rather how this made the rest of the season look by comparison.

For all the talk of this being the most talented group of finalists ever (which, of course, is said every year), it was certainly the least interesting group of finalists ever. I never felt like there was a specific performance that stood out. While people on the show still talk about Fantasia's rendition of "Summertime" or, on the flip side, Sanjaya's attempt at "You Really Got Me," there's nothing in this season that we'll talk about in the same way.

I think too that having a group that was so professional didn't help, either. The emergence of new talent is one of the few genuinely interesting aspects of the show, especially when it takes a bit of a sideways turn (Soul Patrol!). This season, contestants were fully formed, and rarely grew (or shrank) before us.

And with the ratings taking a dip from past seasons, it's an open question whether viewers were disinterested in this group or in the show as a whole. Either way, it's probably time for a change. Which leads us to:

MAKING IT BETTER: American Idol

Herewith are five suggestions for pumping some life into the franchise:

1. Fewer wacky auditions, more Hollywood - I've never enjoyed the Bataan death march of wacky auditions. There's a thick dark line between the truly entertaining awfulness and the poor saps the show sets up for a fall, and the more Fox jumps over it the more obvious it is that they're milking things.

I'd take a couple hours of audition coverage and move it to Hollywood. There's more drama there, and there'd be a greater opportunity to even out coverage time among contestants.

2. Shake up the judging panel - the predictability of this group was more evident than ever this season. From Randy's continued focus on pitch problems to Simon's negativity to Paula taking up residence on Neptune, the judges added even less to the show this season than usual.

Rather than give them some input on voting, a la Dancing With the Stars, I'd suggest rotating judges out for certain weeks, or even rotating Randy or Paula out for a full season (or more). One of the few fresh things about America's Next Top Model's judges has been the transition from Janice Dickinson to Twiggy to Paulina Porizkova, each of whom has brought something different to panel. My suggestion: replace Paula with Toni Braxton, who is somewhat less crazy than Paula and could use the work.

3. Introduce a number to vote against a contestant - set up a toll number where viewers would call and select from a menu the contestant they want to vote against. These votes would be subtracted from each contestant's vote total. Donate money from these calls to Idol Gives Back to give the negative a positive spin.

4. Restrict the use of instruments - rather than have half of the contestants rooted behind an instrument, give them four chances to play along over the course of the finals. And to make things more interesting, they can only use the same instrument in three of the four performances.

5. Take a season off - it may be time to give America a breather and let the talent pool refresh a bit. So rather than get all new contestants next season, go back and open things up to any contestant who made it to Hollywood but was not a finalist. Bring back Frenchie Davis, the Brittenum twins, and that kid this year who always wore a tie. Fans always have a couple of favorites who didn't make the finals, so this may reinvigorate the fan base a bit.

Upfronts - Fox

Fox introduced five new shows, two of which will likely be the most talked-about going into the season, given who's involved.

What's gone? - no real surprises, as most of last season's new shows were cut.

What's back? - Kitchen Nightmares and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles are back. Marginal surprises both, as the former wasn't as good as the BBC original, and the latter didn't quite have the ratings Fox was hoping for.

All the older shows are back, with Bones and House moving in 2009 when American Idol comes back. Kudos (for now) to Fox for cutting the Idol results show to a half-hour, but I fear it'll bloat back to an hour given the "to be announced" slot that's currently after it.

24 will also be back in the fall with a two hour prequel of season 7, whetting our appetites for another crazy day with Jack Bauer.

What's new - Five shows, two with notable creators. Dollhouse comes to use from Joss Whedon of Buffy fame. It focuses on people who are being used by a shadowy organization for a variety of missions, after which the agents have their minds wiped clean and reprogrammed for their new mission. Buffy alum Eliza Dushku stars. As it's the lead show from 24, expect a quick hook if it can't deliver ratings.

The other notable show is Fringe, J.J. Abrams' latest show to involve an airplane flight turned sinister. In this case, the flight arrives at its destination (Boston, woo!), but all the passengers and crew have died in grisly fashion (first mystery - how did the plane land?). This sets of an investigation that's more than it seems, etc. Joshua Jackson (known to most as Pacey from Dawson's Creek is the most notable cast member, playing the son of a mentally unstable genius who becomes part of the investigation.

From what I've read the pilot for the show cost $10 million, so it better be pretty damn good. It should help that Fringe will follow House and Idol during the year.

Fox's latest sitcom to avoid seems to be Do Not Disturb, a hotel-based show starring Jerry O'Connell. Between the DOA Welcome to the Captain and O'Connell's flop turn on Carpoolers, this sounds probelmatic from the go. It'll follow Til Death on Wednesdays, though both follow Bones, which makes this an odd night (and one that will likely disappoint if the shows do all get transplanted to Friday in 2009, though I expect this one to be gone by then).

Secret Millionaire will follow Hell's Kitchen on Thursdays in 2009. It will take rich people and move them into less affluent areas, where they'll try to live on minimum wage and become involved in their communities. At the end, they'll decide what people or groups are worthy of getting some of their fortune. It's like an ambush version of Oprah's Big Give, but with it being on Fox I somehow expect that it will explot the poor more than help them.

Sunday's animation block brings two new shows - Sit Down, Shut Up is about the staff at a high school whose personal lives come before the kids. It's from the Arrested Development folks, so this may be pretty interesting. The other offering is The Cleveland Show, which puts Cleveland from Family Guy moves from Quahog to Stoolbend, Virginia to reunite with an unrequited love. It can't be worse than American Dad, even with the likely hillbilly jokes.

Prognosis? - Fox will do fine with its existing shows, and I figure at least one of the new high-profile dramas will do well, though both may stick if fans of other Whedon/Abrams shows come along. I'm less high on any of the comedies, though the animated shows should both last for the season at least. I'm a little irritated that Bones may get shunted to Friday, though I expect something will get canceled to open up a spot somewhere else.

Upfronts - CBS

Hard to believe, but the Eye will premiere more shows next season than ABC. Of course, it's only by one, and CBS isn't clogging its schedule with dancing.

What's gone? - Buy your peanut futures now, as Jericho is once again canceled. I do not expect another miracle save. Shark takes the ultimate sophomore slump, while first-year shows Cane and Moonlight either were strike casualties or weren't that good, depending on how you want to spin it.

What's back? - No major surprises here, though the mid-season return of Rules of Engagement puts the last nail in the coffin for my dead pool entry. Some of the dramas look like they've moved, but I can't say I watch much CBS to know for sure. Nothing looks egregious, though I'm not sure that The New Adventures of Old Christine is strong enough to lead off on Wednesdays.

What's new? - Three hours and two half-hours. The hours:

The Mentalist is about a celebrity psychic turned detective who uses his powers of observation to ferret out killers. Like Ghost Whisperer, but with smaller boobs. It's on between NCIS and Without a Trace, which I suppose makes sense given the crime-solving aspects of all three shows.

Eleventh Hour follows a governmental special advisor who investigates "scientific crises and oddities." So it's The X-Files without Scully. But it's on after CSI, so it should get some viewers.

The Ex-List is about a woman who decides that her future love interest is actually a guy from her past, so she goes through the titular list to find him. It stars Elizabeth Reaser, better known as Rebecca/Ava from Grey's Anatomy. It's on after Ghost Whisperer, setting up a femme-friendly Friday that Numbers doesn't seem to fit into. Unless Rob Morrow is the CBS analogue of Patrick Dempsey.

The half-hours:

Worst Week is about a guy who causes problems every time he's around his girlfriend's parents, who don't care for him (for obvious reasons). Nothing special here, though if Kurtwood Smith can bring Red Foreman to the present day, I'm in for at least a couple of episodes. It's the last show in the Monday comedy block, and should already be picking out gifts for Two and a Half Men's lead-in.

Project Gary features a couple who, now divorced after 15 years of marriage, must work around each other as they raise their kids and get back into the dating game. DEAD POOL ALERT: the show stars Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall, which means it may just get canceled during the first commercial break of the first episode.

Oh, there's also the new mid-season drama Harper's Island, where a destination wedding turns into a murder investigation. Who has a destination wedding on an island that had a serial killer run amok, even if it was seven years ago?

Prognosis - Meh. CBS is as CBS does. I don't expect anything to really take off or tank, though I don't have a lot of faith in any of the new shows.

Upfronts: The CW

A few changes to report on at the WBUPN, most of which will not concern you unless you are under 25, deeply into fashion, or a media business nerd.

What's out? - Girlfriends is the oldest show to get the hook, while Beauty and the Geek gets the hook at least one season too late. Aliens in America is also toast, a bit of a strike casualty I think. Then there are all the generically-named shows like CW Now and Online Nation that no one could tell apart.

What's back? - Among last year's new shows, Gossip Girl and Reaper managed to stick, with the latter coming back in midseason. Gossip Girl will team with One Tree Hill on Monday, Smallville and Supernatural will hold down Thursday, while Everybody Hates Chris and The Game are banished to Friday.

What's new? - Tuesday brings one of the more talked about shows with 90210, a return to the teens of West Beverly Hills High, hopefully with actors whose ages are closer to 20 than 30. Jennie Garth will have a recurring role, the only link to the original. It's paired with Surviving the Filthy Rich, the story of an Ivy-educated journalist who gets fired and becomes the tutor/nanny for a rich family's girls. It's based on some chick lit book I've never heard of, which isn't a shock as I'm not exactly in the genre's target demo.

Wednesday will pair America's Next Top Model with Stylista, another Tyra Banks reality show which lands on the other side of the camera as it seeks to find an up and coming editor for Elle.

Sunday's lineup will no longer be reruns (Friday gets an encore of ANTM, though), but instead will feature shows from Media Rights Capital, an independent producer of movies, TV and new media content. The announcement pushed the idea that this allows the CW to focus on weeknights, with an emphasis on Friday as an important night for "retailers and marketers with a weekend product push." Friday night seems a little late to push things for the weekend, but I'll allow them their spin. I'm sure the CW's inability to program Sunday in the past has nothing to do with this.

Prognosis? - Great, if you're a 14 year old girl. 90210 may intially bring in some parents who remember the original, but I'm not sure there'll be enough nostalgia to keep them around. Thursday and Friday seem like the nights with the most potential for a diverse audience, but I don't think they can compete on either night (though Friday is pretty much a wash for everyone). I don't expect this lineup will see the CW break out of netlet status, but it's going to really work for the CW's core viewers.

Upfronts - ABC

Remember when ABC took the pasta approach to programming and threw a dozen or so series against the wall to see which one or two would stick? Well, those days are over, at least for now (or they've transplanted that approach to summer, given the 392 reality shows they appear to be launching). Only four new shows have been announced for next season, so if you liked something ABC had on this year, you'll probably get to see it next year.

What's gone - Unless, of course, you liked any of the following: Men in Trees, Women's Murder Club, Big Shots, Carpoolers, Cavemen, Notes from the Underbelly, Cashmere Mafia, Miss/Guided, October Road or Oprah's Big Give. Not much to miss there, but I thought that Miss/Guided was worth a renewal, at least moreso than According to Jim, which continues to taint my dead pool.

What's back? - Of the established shows returning, Eli Stone is the only real surprise, surviving its mid-season launch to get picked up for next year. Also coming back - though not to its original network - is Scrubs, which will make its ABC debut at mid-season.

And as much as I didn't like to see Jim return, I'm downright puzzled about The Bachelor coming back. It should have been put to pasture a long time ago.

What's new? - Not much, as ABC only announced two new shows for the fall and two for mid-season. For the fall, we'll get Opportunity Knocks a reality/game show where the show surprises a family at home and then quizzes people on how well they know each other. Meh. The other fall show is the US version of Life on Mars, a British drama where a current-day cop is transported back to the 1970s. I'd always meant to watch this when it was on BBC America, and will probably give its American cousin a go.

For mid-season, there's The Goode Family, a Mike Judge-animated show about a family that tries to, well, do good (by recycling and the like), with humorous unintended consequences. We'll see. The other show is an untitled "beauty pageant unlike any you've ever seen," from the genius pairing of Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks. How this escaped the CW I'll never know.

Prognosis? - Good. ABC didn't mess with Sunday or Thursday at all (other than putting Life on Mars on after Grey's Anatomy, which can't hurt), and Monday and Tuesday still have Dancing With the Stars to bring in viewers. Wednesday is the biggest test, as ABC will get to see if Pushing Daisies, Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money can build on their strike-shortened seasons.

Upfront 2008 - NBC

Combine a sputtering economy and a writer's strike which limited the number of pilots, and you have what's shaping up as a lame upfront season. NBC didn't help matters by ditching the traditional upfront presentation, going instead with smaller presentations in April they called "infronts" and by having something today called the NBC Universal Experience. I'm assuming cotton candy and pony rides are involved.

In any case, if this is any indication, NBC may have been smart to lay low. The basics:

Who's gone? - Las Vegas leads a slew of new shows (like Bionic Woman and Journeyman) and game show/reality offerings (like 1 v. 100 and The Singing Bee) into the abyss. It'll also become more clear tomorrow if Scrubs is done or finally moving to ABC.

What's back? - Everything you'd expect, plus Lipstick Jungle. ER is back for what is being called its final season. Finally.

Oh, and The Apprentice is back, too. No word on it being its last season, unfortunately.

What's new - Nothing that looks likely to get the Peacock out of fourth place. For scripted shows there's the trio of Merlin, Kings and Crusoe, all of which seem like they were stolen from Sci-Fi. None sound particularly compelling, though Merlin may pick up some cult TV fans with the casting of Colin Morgan (from Dr. Who) and Anthony Head of Buffy fame.

The most notable hour-long show is probably My Own Worst Enemy, which stars Christian Slater as a man whose two personalities - one a dull suburbanite, the other some sort of genius secret agent who can kill with his teeth - begin to cross over into each other. I'm thinking there'll be less interest in the concept than in Slater's involvement.

The other two hour-long shows are The Listener about a paramedic who can read thoughts (pass - I'll wait for Matt Parkman to get back to work on Heroes) and The Philanthropist, which is about a billionaire who uses his money and connections to directly help people. This show originally involved Tom Fontana and Barry Levinson of Homicide fame, but both have left the show due to the network moving the focus of the show away from social issues to more escapist plots. At what point do these two just stop trying to work with NBC?

For sitcoms, there are two options: an as-yet untitled spin-off of The Office and the US version of an Australian show called Kath & Kim. The former doesn't seem to actually involve any characters from The Office; it's more of a spin-off for Greg Daniels. The latter stars Molly Shannon and Selma Blair as a mother-daugter pair who are now living together after the daughter gets divorced. Snore!

There's lots of reality junk, too, from a show that seems like it's been ripped off from BBC America's Last Restaurant Standing to a show that seems to follow the day to day exploits of Howie Mandel. That has to be a joke, right?

I will say I have some interest in Who Do You Think You Are?, which will take a new celebrity each week and look at their family tree for interesting stories. It may only appeal to geneaology nerds like me, but I'll take it over Ryan Seacrest's new show looking for momma's boys.

Prognosis? - It's hard to make this call without seeing the other networks, but I have a feeling there won't be night that NBC won't be getting its ass handed to it. Monday and Thursday look like the nights where things will go least poorly, though the post-football Fantacrap Sunday (Merlin, Medium, Kings) may be different enough to pull in some viewers.

Three Guys a Girl and a Singing Place

We're down to the final four contestants on American Idol (you can thank me later for not writing about contestants five through 24):

David Archuleta has been the once and future Idol pretty much from the start. He's not been in the bottom group at all, and will likely not face elimination until the finals. He's a 16 year old who likes to sing inspirational songs, so he gets love from pre-teens and grannies alike. Or at least those who aren't sick of his weekly dose of hope, love and dreams. That and his sometimes irritating naivety may be the only thing that can do him in.

Odds of winning: 1 to 4

Jason Castro is living proof that you can wear dreads and live in Texas without someone named Joe Jack trying to beat you to death with a tire iron (although he's from what looks to be a Dallas exurb, which may not have as many good ole boys as it once did). I'm not a fan of the dreads, but they do draw attention away from his nose, which is a point for those who say that things grow bigger in Texas.

Castro is a bit of a hipster doofus, appealing to the Jack Johnson crowd with his penchant for performing only with his acoustic guitar (or, once, a ukelele). His performances are often compared to late-night dorm sing-alongs or other settings which suggest a certain herbal mood enhancement. He winds up in the bottom group on occasion, thanks to a limited vocal range and the occasional odd song selection (his choice of "Memories" during Andrew Lloyd Webber week stands out). I can't see him making it past next week, and am a little surprised he outlasted a couple of the more recently-dispatched women.

Odds of winning: 25 to 1

David Cook is this year's rocker, though he's only about 70 percent as rock (or as pretentious) as Chris Daughtry. He's also taking the Blake Lewis/Chris Sligh approach by rearranging songs to fit his style, though not hitting the Lionel Ritchie-as-Coldplay depths thanks to mostly using existing arrangements (such as Chris Cornell's version of "Billie Jean"). And, like Daughtry, he's the finalist who could put out an album next week if he had to.

Unlike Daughtry, Cook will make the finals. And even though he'll probably lose, I think he'd be happy with continuing the Daughtry comparison through his debut album, at least.

Odds of winning: 8 to 1

Syesha Mercado is the last female contestant standing, which is pretty impressive for someone who has no discernible personality. She's pleasant enough, and fits the traditional diva role well enough, but otherwise she's a bit of a cipher. We know she acts a bit, and can mimic a crying baby pretty well, but beyond that it's like a shadowy government agency has deleted her past.

Mercado is also the last African-American contestant standing, so if you put much stock into gender or ethnic voting blocs you can make the argument that she'll be in the finals. I don't think that'll happen, but you never know. Not that making the finals would help her, as Archuleta is a better diva than she is.

Odds of winning: 11 to 1

Two Apologies

1. To the three people who probably check this site on any basis, as I've been very neglectful towards posting anything. I'll work to rectify this, though it may be tough given that we're in kind of a dead zone with shows beginning to trickle back on with new episodes.

2. To Chris Parnell, for not being particularly favorable towards your work based on Saturday Night Live, which was based less on what you actually did and more on my general lack of interest in the show. Your work on 30 Rock and Miss Guided changes things quite a bit.

(On a related note, I did manage to catch two episodes of the latter show last week, and I thought it was pretty good. Certainly better than most of the sitcoms ABC threw at us this season, and more worthy of a shot at a full season in 2008-09, too. Then again, I also have kind of a thing for Judy Greer, so take that bias for what it's worth.)

Not a Sympathy Strike

How to explain my absence here? Simple: laziness. I've been watching TV, but just not writing about it. It's been pretty boring, truth be told, as our DVR backlog delayed any meaningful entry into the new season until recently.

About the only thing of note is that I've become a very late convert to The Amazing Race. Caught an episode over the holidays and watched from there on out.

For scripted stuff I have nothing to add other than excitement over the return of Lost this week. Well, I will add some disappointment with the current seasons of House and Grey's Anatomy. I'm more irritated at the latter, as I figure House has one story line per year that irritates me, and this year it's the hunt to replace the Cottages (tm Television Without Pity).

I do find myself watching more news of late, especially election coverage. I want to hit Wolf Blitzer every time he refers to the CNN panel of talking heads as the greatest political team on television. That or cry on the off chance that he is, indeed, correct.

New on TV Kitchen Nightmares

The success of Hell's Kitchen on Fox led to this American version of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, which has been running on BBC America. I was concerned about Fox doing the US version, given that it's a show that perhaps doesn't need a dose of that Fox attitude.

Based on the first episode, my concerns were only partially allayed.

On the positive side, the show mostly follows the original's blueprint. Ramsay shows up, tries some of the food, watches the workings of the restaurant for a day, and then makes changes. But the way this plays out is wrong. More time was spent showing the staff arguing or the hotheaded restaurant manager looking to fight bill collectors than on talking about turning the restaurant around.

When that does start, the show then gets too Extreme Makeover by springing for new kitchen appliances. The original never did that, and my take is that it allows the manager to get away with the poor decisions he'd previously made regarding the kitchen. I suppose it should be comfort enough that he finally learned that he was the restaurant's biggest problem.

The way the show was put together reminded me of Nanny 911 more than the original of this show. I think it's the production and the voice-overs. Or perhaps it's all the yelling.

Oh, one change that I did not like is that they don't go back to the restaurant to see if the changes had stuck and how the restaurant was now faring. Could be that they taped too recently to do this effectively, but that's an interesting part of the original that they should have kept.

It's not a bad adaptation, but I wish it was more like the original.

New on TV: Merv Griffin's Crosswords

I caught this pretty much by accident last week (it's on during the dinner hour on the MyTV affiliate in New Hampshire), and it was interesting, if not particularly compelling.

A group of five contestants try to solve a crossword puzzle, with two contestants playing for money and three others acting as spoilers. If the spoiler gets a word correct, they can choose to replace one of the money contestants, who then moves to the spoiler's podium. So if you like marginal word games and lots of walking, this show is for you!

At the end, the player with the most money gets to play the bonus game, which is 90 seconds to complete the puzzle. It's enough time, though the rigamarole that the contestant has to go through for each word - say the clue number, host repeats, screen zooms in on word, host reads hint, player gives and spells answer, host verifies - there's a lot of time lost in process.

The big prize was a trip to Mexico, which harkens back to the great syndicated game shows of the 1980s. If only AMC were still around to give away Eagle station wagons to five-time champions.

So no, it's not a great show. It's better than the likes of Starface, though.

The South Shan't Rise Again

We have our first casualty of the new TV season, as Fox yanked Nashville after just two airings. Given its similarity in set-up to the youth-oriented Laguna Beach, I'm not sure why Fox put this show on Friday nights, when most of the young people are out doing stuff.

This is one of the shows I skipped over in the LaPlaca in favor of shows like Cane and Rules of Engagement, both of which did well in their season premiers this week. I am not going to do well this year.

New Season, New Losers?

As a new season gets into gear tonight, let's take a look at the shows whose demise I've predicted in the LaPlaca Open, ranked in order of bonus points I'll get if the show gets the axe:

10: Carpoolers - I've read nothing positive about this show, and the promos on ABC have not been helping. It also features Jerry O'Connell, who I don't exactly think of when it comes to comedy.

The one saving grace this show may have is that it's not up against any blockbusters. And if Cavemen manages to draw people in, it may survive as the bridge into Dancing With the Stars.

But I don't think so.

9: Moonlight - It's bascially Angel for the moms of that show's fans. That or this show about a LA vampire turned detective is just an amazing coincidence.

Fridays are pretty quiet to begin with, so I'm not sure how this will fare against the praised but lightly sampled Friday Night Lights or ABC's new female-centered line up of Women's Murder Club and Men in Trees.

8: New Amsterdam - more immortal crime fighters, but this time a NYC cop whose been living for hundreds of years. Fox pushed this back to mid-season, which suggests a lack of confidence and, hopefully, a mid-season burn off.

7: Lipstick Jungle - another mid-season pick, not sure why I went with it other than it seems awful late in the game to try to rip off Sex and the City. For now it looks like it's going to take the Sunday at 10 spot for NBC, which seems an odd replacement for Sunday Night Football.

6: Cavemen - I thought there was a rush to judgement on this show based on its genesis from Geico ads, but when the negative press continued based on early show reviews, I figured I'd jump in. Novelty may keep this afloat for a while, and I hope we don't have a repeat of Til Death where enough people watch to keep the show going until it finds itself.

5: Rules of Engagement - kind of desperation pick, really. I'm hoping it gets lost between Heroes and 24. I should have gone back and taken a shot at Notes From the Underbelly.

4: Scrubs - I didn't read that this was an official last season, so I got uck here. Just didn't rank it highly enough.

3: According to Jim - yes, I went back to the well. It can't live forever. Can it?

2: Cane - kind of counter-intuitive, given the growth in Hispanic programming, but reviews are pretty marginal, and I'm counting on the desire not to watch crap transcending ethnicity. It has to, otherwise we'd still be stuck with Freddie.

1: Chuck - a total guess here, based on what reviews I could find. Could work with Heroes, perhaps by cutting that show's bombast with some humor.

Popular picks I didn't make:

Viva Laughlin - really should have gone with it. The bizarre factor will only keep it on the air for so long.

K-Ville - I have hopes for this show, given that it's not set on either coast and has a cast whose diversity isn't the obvious by-product of a marketing team. I do worry that Fox will make it more about swamp boat chases and New Orleans atmosphere than anything else.

Samantha Who - passed because it had a couple of decent early reviews and it has a nice time slot - at least for the fall. It may fade when it starts sharing Monday with Wife Swap rather than Dancing With the Stars.

Life - a cop unjustly sent to prison uses his experience when he rejoins the force after being released. It does have a very tought time slot, as Wednesday at 10 already has CSI: New York and the new Dirty Sexy Money.

Nashville - given its tankalicious debut last week, a clear miss for me.

What I Watched On My Summer Vacation

With the new season around the corner, figured it was high time to, you know, post something.

My plans for the summer, TV-wise, was to catch up with the backlog of recorded programs. That hasn't gone quite as planned, as we're only now up to the final finale for The Apprentice and are a good three or four episodes remaining on our other regular shows (most recent shocking plot twist: Mrs. McCluskey has her hubby stashed in her basement freezer on Desperate Housewives).

What's been slowing us down is our real-time (or close to real-time) summer viewing. Lots of food-related programming here - Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Dinner: Impossible. The wife also worked through all 700 hours of So You Think You Can Dance, most of which I was spared by the new placement of the computer relative to the TV.

Nerd programming also slowed us down, as we got through Simon Schama's The Power of Art while we have several History Detectives waiting for eventual viewing. I have solo nerd duty for Eureka, which I think I've enjoyed more this season than last.

We've had to pass on most other summer offerings, including a short-lived attempt to record Damages for future viewing. Sorry, Glenn.

This summer has proved to me, more than any other, that there is no more off-season for TV. I may never catch up.

Curses! Foiled Again!

It's old news by now, but given the ratings for the show I'm sure many didn't notice that According to Jim got picked up by ABC for next season. This was kind of a surprise, especially as there was some thought that Courtney Thorne-Smith was leaving the show.

I stop to mention this here because, for the second time in my life, According to Jim has been a stumbling block for me in the LaPlaca TV dead pool. It's not that big of a deal this time around - ABC's renewal of both Men in Trees and Notes From the Underbelly did me in well beforehand - but it was a rather nasty parting shot from the Alphabet Network nonetheless.

It must be something about family-oriented sitcoms. The very first year of the pool my lone miss was Yes, Dear, while the following year I took Reba and my first pass at Jim. I won't get into the year where I bet heavily on longer-running shows (Drew Carey, Becker, and Friends) and took it on the chin.

In any case, I can guarantee that of the 10 shows I submit this year, According to Jim will not be among them. I clearly am not the man to bring Belushi down.

More fun: the show or the sniping?

You would have expected a TV blog to comment on the end of The Sopranos in a more timely fashion than I am, but my late entry into the topic is explained by a simple fact.

I've never watched a full episode of the show.

Two pretty simple reasons for this: one, I'm too cheap to get HBO, and two, I've not watched half of the DVDs I have now to take on a new show. That being said, I know tangentially about the show, but wasn't really in the same mode as many people when the last episode cut to black. And I'm really not in the same mode as those who have vented their spleen at the lack of "payoff" in the show's open-ended ending.

But I have enjoyed the griping, such as this discussion at TV Barn. And I've gotten to enjoy it for free, saving the untold hundreds of dollars I'd have spent on HBO over the run of the show. So I should at least thank David Chase for that.

I can't really say if I'd have been mad at this ending were I a fan, but I will say that I was disappointed with the Homicide movie that was made to wrap up that series. Perhaps there are some stories that aren't meant to end cleanly.

It worked?

Fan protests rarely bring back a show once cancelled, and the various histrionics used in the attempt are, at best, fun to watch. You'd think after the annual rite, fans of cancelled shows would get the hint and, rather than create Internet petitions, sit quietly and wait for the DVDs.

Don't expect that to happen any time soon, now that fans of Jericho have apparently convinced CBS to bring the show back on a limited basis next season.

I'll admit to being one of those people who got away from the show after its mid-season vacation, always planning to catch up with episodes on Comcast On Demand but never quite doing so. I don't feel like I've missed much, but with this announcement and a summer with mostly reruns, I figure I'll get back on board. The only question is will I fall back off between September and whenever the show actually returns?

Water Cooler Talking Points: Lost

1. BOOM! - the surprise plan against the Others only partially works, as Jin misses his target. Sayid, Bernard, and Jin are captured, and the Other in charge threatens to kill Jin unless someone fills the Others in. Bernard cracks, and tells them that Juliet and Carl had tipped them off, and that the main group is headed towards the radio tower. They radio to Ben, who upon learning all of this decides to cut off the castaways before they can reach the radio tower and send their distress signal. He takes Alex along, planning to cast her away with the others for her role in sending Carl as a warning.

2. Down the hatch - Charlie is getting slapped around and interrogated by the women in the Looking Glass, as they try to figure out what he's doing. He pretty much tells them, and as they argue in private Desmond come up through the moon pool, chased away from the canoe by Mikhail, who is shooting at him. Mikhail, for his part, is there to check on the situation, and is ordered by Ben to kill everyone. He only gets partway through when Desmond comes out of hiding and shoots a spear into his chest.

3. Meet you at the tower - Ben does cut the group off, and tries to convince Jack that he has to confiscate the satellite phone because everyone will die if Jack allows the rescue to happen. Jack says no, and Ben orders the deaths of Jin, Sayid, and Bernard. We hear three shots on the walkie. Jack beats the crap out of Ben, and goes back to the group.

4. Now I want a Sunkist - before Bonnie (one of the Looking Glass ladies) dies, she tells Charlie that the code to disable the jammer is set to the tune of "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys. Good thing he's a musician. He punches in the code while Desmond gathers diving equipment. Charlie is successful, and immediately a transmission comes in - from Penny! She learns that Desmond is there, even though Charlie doesn't know where they are. He does learn that the boat that Naomi came in on wasn't sent by Penny. That's about all they have time for, as Mikhail (who escaped through the moon pool) shows up at the porthole with a grenade. He blows the porthole open, and water rushes in. Charlie seals himself in the room, saving Desmond but killing himself - but not before he writes a warning on his hand that the boat isn't Penny's.

5. Back to the beach - Upon the failure of the beach surprise, Kate wants to go back to save their friends. She asks Sawyer to join her, but he passes and tells her not to go. Surprisingly, not soon after he tells Jack he's going back. Kate is annoyed, and then moreso when Juliet joins him. She says she can get guns from a cache on the way. She kisses Jack before leaving; Jack will shortly afterwards say that he didn't let Kate join them because he loves her. Nice mixed signals! Anyway, Hurley tries to join Sawyer and Juliet, but is rebuffed due to his size. Not to be dismissed, Hurley actually saves everyone by using the Dharma van he found to storm the beach and run over the Others. Good thing, too, as Juliet was lying about the guns.

6. We're saved? - Once Charlie shuts down the jammer, Naomi gets a signal on the phone. She dials, but doesn't get to do much else before she dies - from a knife thrown into her back by Locke! (Earlier, while in the pit, he finds a gun with which he's going to kill himself, given his wound and the returned paralysis in his legs. Before he can do that, he sees Walt(!), who tells John that he can't kill himself, as he has work to do.) Locke tells Jack pretty much the same thing that Ben said, but Jack isn't buying it. Someone finally picks up, confirms that they can lock in on the phone's signal, and rescue them all. Well, except for Locke, who slinks off into the woods, and Rousseau, who had said earlier that she wasn't leaving.

7. Flash-what? - throughout the episode we get flashbacks of Jack, who is bearded and rapidly falling apart. His descent begins (appropriately) when he's flying into LA on an Oceanic flight, and when given a newspaper instead of another drink, he learns that someone has died. He takes the news badly, and plans to jump from a bridge - but he winds up saving a woman and her son from a burning car wreck (which he kind of caused). We watch Jack get worse up to his going to the funeral for our unnamed corpse, and it turns out Jack was the only mourner. After several aborted calls during the flashes he finally talks to the person he wants, and sets up a meeting at the airport. Turns out he was calling Kate - and that the flashbacks are actually flash-forwards! Jack tells Kate that he's been using the free flights Oceanic gave the survivors, going to Asia or Australia every weekend in the hopes that the plane will crash and he'll get back to the island. He's now firmly on board with the idea that they weren't meant to leave when they did. She's less impressed, and tells Jack to move on. She then says she has to get back, as someone is expecting her. Not sure who that is, or who the dead person is (though Jack was surprised that Kate didn't go to the funeral, so it's clearly an island person).

I have to imagine that this is going to be a very different show when it comes back in January.

Finally, the Finale

A rather brisk American Idol final will give way, predictably, to a bloated results show tonight, but unlike the last couple of seasons, I don't think there's much predictability to who will win. I agree with Simon's end of show analysis that Jordan had the better night, but Blake had the best individual performance with his reprisal of "You Give Love a Bad Name." I won't go into the "official" song, a piece of light pop turd called "This is My Now" that sounds like something Dianne Warren would dislodge when she flosses. It's a perfect compliment to the other crappy "official" song.

That being said, I think Jordin is going to win. I'd not be particularly surprised if Blake won, but I don't see it happening. Jordin sings well enough to win the singing competition, and is personable enough to withstand the personality contest aspect of the show.

New on TV: National Bingo Night

I was prepared to hate National Bingo Night. And, in reality, it gave me plenty of reasons to hate it:

* The insufferable Aussie host, Ed Sanders. He CAN'T. STOP. YELLING.

* Awful editing, most notably in the whiplash-inducing jump cuts that seemed to crop up every 8 seconds or so.

* The continuation of the "stupid and hyperactive" school of contestants.

* The lack of forethought in trying to build suspense, such as when the host would talk about possible bingoes when, based on the numbers pulled, no one could be even one number away from a bingo.

* NBN "Commissioner" Sunil Narkar. At worst, he's a stereotype. At best, he's the commissioner but is also forced to be a referee and roam the crowd ruling on bingoes. Fay Vincent didn't even get treated this badly!

But it also gave me some reasons to like it:

* It's at least not the same glacial pace as NBC's game shows. This not only helps the hour move along, but it also helps the contestants seem less Ritalin-deprived than their NBC counterparts. At least on National Bingo Night, the screaming fits the overall tone of the show.

* The games were fairly interesting, though too convoluted. I'm thinking here of the game where the contestant had to guess if the ball coming down the chute had a red or black star on it. That was fine, but correct guesses correlated to some sort of wedding set up that the prop department spent at least five bucks to put together.

* NBN "Commissioner" Sunil Narkar, whose call of "no bingo" may be the closest we have to a catch phrase from the 2006-07 TV season. Which is sad.

Really, this seems like something Network 23 would have put on the air on an episode of Max Headroom. Actually, considering that that show was on ABC, they may have gotten the idea for the show from an unused script. It's a loud, obnoxious mess whose only reason for watching - to try to win prizes - is obviated by the ability to get winning numbers off of ABC's website after the show airs. Don't bother.

Upfronts: Fox

First, apologies for the delay on this. As hard as it is sometimes to follow Fox's scheduling, personal lethargy is mostly to blame.

What's gone? - no surprises here, really. If it was on hiatus, it's gone. We'll get some burn off this summer from Standoff, but that's about it.

What's back? - most everything returns in its normal place, although Fox is going to try to shift Bones to Friday again. It'll be on Wednesdays in the fall, but is scheduled to move to Fridays once American Idol returns. I'm thinking we'll see this move go the same way as last year's.

What's new for the fall? - we'll take this day by day.

On Monday we get K-Ville, a gritty cop drama set in post-Katrina New Orleans. Anthony Anderson stars, and apparently his character may be a little too pathological for some viewers. It'll be paired with Prison Break.

Tuesdays will lead off with New Amsterdam, which is about a New York City cop who is immortal. I don't know what they'll do with that hook outside of a lot of pantaloon-fueled flashbacks. It'll lead in to House.

Wednesday features the only sitcoms for the week, with newcomer Back to You getting paired with Til Death. Kelsey Grammer stars as a TV anchor whose fall from national prominence sees him return to his old station and his old partner - who is also his ex-wife (Patricia Heaton). Fred Williard is in the cast, too. Given the ages of the players, I have to think that Fox is looking to follow the CBS route and open its tent to all viewers... at least on Wednesdays.

Thursday is all unscripted, with Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? leading into Kitchen Nightmares, based on the Gordon Ramsay show seen here on BBC America. I'm a fan of the original, and will be interested to see how it translates. Given the common problems of some of the restuarants on the original, I'm not sure they can provide enough variety over the course of a standard US television season. On the other hand, there are plenty of crappy restaurants out there, so we'll see.

Friday is also all unscripted, with the American Idol spin-off The Search for the Next Great American band leading into Nashville. The former show needs no explanation, given the expository title and its genesis from Idol. The latter show takes a Laguna Beach-style examination of young people trying to make it in Music City, USA. I can't say I'm interested in either of these, and I'm not sure how many people in its target audience are going to be home on Friday night to watch.

Saturday and Sunday are unchanged.

What's new for spring 2008? - a couple more new shows here.

On Wednesday, when the Idol results show gets mercifully cut down to a half-hour, we get The Return of Jezebel James as its lead-in. From the folks who brought us Gilmore Girls, it features Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose as formerly estranged sisters brought back together when the older (Posey) asks the younger (Ambrose) to carry her baby. Good leads, and will likely be funnier than Notes from the Underbelly, though that is a very low bar.

On Thursdays we replace Kitchen Nightmares with Canterbury's Law, which is about a crusading defense attorney who will bend the rules to protect the wrongly accused. Pretty ho-hum, but it stars Julianna Marguiles and is from the folks behind Rescue Me and director Mike Figgis. So there's hope.

Once football is done, all of the comedies on Sunday move up an hour and the day ends with The Sarah Connor Chronicles, based on the Terminator movies. This is more of what I'd expect from Fox, though I'm dubious about the appeal given that it's been four years since the last (underwhelming) installment in the movie franchise. I may very well be underestimating things, though.

Oh, New Amsterdam is also scheduled to move to Fridays once American Idol comes back. This seems more likely to me than Bones being its schedule-mate.

Upfronts: The CW

Both The CW and Fox went today. I'm going to start with the netlet, as Fox's split schedule will take just a little bit more brain power to process than I have right now.

What's gone? - We knew that 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls were gone. The axe finally fell on Veronica Mars, to the chagrin of fanboys everywhere. Reba also got the heave-ho; no last second renewal this year. All of Us also got cut, which was also expected.

What's back? - While it's not on the fall schedule, One Tree Hill will return at mid-season, and with a twist. The show will jump ahead to post-college life for the kids, which is a good way to get the characters to catch up in age with the actors. No twists or time changes for the other shows.

What's new? - Replacing All of Us on Monday is Aliens in America, where a kid trying to fit in at school is given that much more to deal with when his family takes in an exchange student from Pakistan. I have no read on this show, but I like the concept. It'll hopefully make a nice pairing with lead in Everybody Hates Chris, though being in the Monday at 8 slot cues them up to get beat by CBS's sitcoms, Deal or No Deal, and Dancing With the Stars. Thanks for nothing!

Following Beauty and the Geek on Tuesday is Reaper, which follows a teen whose parents sold his soul to the Devil, and now the kid has to do leg work for Old Scratch. This figures to be lighter in tone, given the past credits of the production team and the involvement of Kevin Smith. I do hope there's an episode where the kid gets to deliver his parents, though. That'd only be fair.

Trying to mine ratings where Veronica Mars couldn't is Gossip Girl, which will follow America's Next Top Model on Wednesday. This is apparently based on a series of books where rich Manhattan teens have their secrets outed on-line by a blogger named, you guessed it, Gossip Girl. I really have no interest in this show, but it seems perfectly matched with The CW's top-rated show.

On Sunday, things start with a couple of unscripted shows, CW Now, which is like a younger Access Hollywood, and Online Nation, which gives network time to crap you find on YouTube. They seem oddly paired with Life is Wild, a remake of a British series where a veterenarian moves his family to a South African game preserve. Depending on the tone of the show, this may be better served after a couple of sitcoms (or as the lead-in to a more mature show).

Like pretty much every other presentation so far, nothing here really excites me, but there's also nothing approaching Happy Hour territory, either.

Water Cooler Talking Points: Lost

1. Here's the plan - with the Others' invasion coming the night after next, Jack takes a group of people to see how they're going to fight back. Turns out it involves the liberal use of dynamite, brought by Rousseau from the Black Rock. Juliet will mark tents as planned, but they'll be loaded with TNT rather than potential kidnap victims.

2. Can you see what I see? - While on the show and tell trip with Jack, Desmond has more flashes. Charlie sees this and asks for details, but Desmond denies the visions. He later relents, and tells Charlie he saw Claire and Aaron getting on a helicopter to go home. Only problem is, for this to happen Charlie does have to die - he'll swim into some location, flip a switch, and drown.

3. Hey, there's just the place for that! - As an alternate rescue plan, Sayid suggests cutting off Rousseau's broadcast so he can use its frequency to call the ship that Naomi flew off from. Juliet says that won't help, as the Others have been jamming her signal from the Looking Glass - an underwater station that is flooded but can be shut off if someone swims in to shut the station down. Guess who volunteers? Before going out to the station, Charlie compiles a list of the five greatest moments in his life (the subject of this week's flashbacks): hearing Driveshaft on the radio for the first time, learning to swim, getting a family ring from his brother, saving a mugging victim and being called a hero, and meeting Claire. He writes this on a list, which he gives Desmond to bring back to Claire.

4. Change of plans - at the start of the episode we see a guy get in an outrigger and start paddling. Turns out it's Carl, who snuck back to the other island to be near Ben's daughter. When Ben returns from meeting Jacob, he says that Jacob has told him to move the attack up to that night. Ben's daughter tells Carl, and says that Carl has to warn the Lostaways, as they saved his life. Carl does this; with the new schedule, Jack and Rousseau realize they can't get the tents wired in time. Sayid suggest shooting the dynamite to set it off, and he finds shooters in Bernard and Jin. Sayid opts to stay as well, which cheeses Jack off until Sayid tells him to act like a leader and lead the group to the radio tower, where they'll wait for rescue.

5. More change of plans - Desmond and Charlie follow the cable that Hurley found out to the Looking Glass (why they just don't cut the cable I don't know). Desmond offers to take Charlie's place, thinking that perhaps that's what's supposed to happen. Charlie seems to accept this, at least until he brains Desmond with an oar. Charlie slips the list into Desmond's pocket and dives in. He barely reaches the moon pool entrance to the station, which is clearly not flooded. He gasps for air and rejoices in being alive - until two women with guns come out and draw a bead on him. So much for switch-flipping.

Most Surprising Ever?

I'll admit to being quite surprised at the Blake-Jordin final that was revealed on American Idol tonight. Melinda was barely in jeopardy all season, and as touted was the most consistent of all the performers. And even though that consistency was excellent, perhaps it got a little boring?

I do think this is the most surprising elimination ever, though I'd be interested in hearing what others think. The only one that comes to mind that's close is Tamyra Grey finishing behind Nikki McKibbin in the first season. Anyway, thoughts?

Upfronts: CBS

For a leading network, there was, as expected, not that much turnover in shows, as they Eye will debut five shows in the fall. They were the first to drop a bomb as to what wasn't coming back, so to speak.

What's gone? - starting here to note the cancellation of Jericho, which started strong but suffered in the ratings after its mid-season vacation. Whoever thought that was a good idea, especiall for serial dramas, is hopefully no longer employed in television. It's too bad the show had to suffer for the decisions of programmers; it wasn't the best show on TV, but it was a nice change from the usual CBS fare.

Also getting the heave-ho, in less surprising fashion, were The Class, Close to Home.

What's back - Rules of Engagement got picked up, and will take the 9:30 slot on Monday. Without a Trace returns to Thursday at 10, and gives its old Sunday at 10 timeslot to Shark. Both are reasonable moves, I think. Moreso than keeping Engagement.

What's New - The new comedy on Monday is The Big Bang Theory, which features two geniuses who have a hottie move in next door. Comedy ensues. I'd feel less charitable about this if it weren't airing between How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men. It's also from Chuck Lorre, the producer of the latter show.

Cane features Jimmy Smits as the leader of a Miami family who is trying to protect its rum and sugar interests from family and business intrigues. It's got a pretty good cast, adding Hector Elizondo and Rita Moreno among others. Aaron Barnhart wasn't sure how this will succeed in the slot that saw Smith die an early death, but I think this show is sufficiently different that it won't go down like every heist-related program that's aired in the past year or so.

Jericho's replacement on Wednesdays is Kid Nation, where a group of minors is brought into a ghost town and given 40 days to turn it into a running community, with government, services, the works. I suppose it's more family-friendly than post-nuke Kansas, but I have no idea how this is going to work with the rest of CBS's night. Maybe it'll counter-program the dramas on other networks. Still, odd.

Replacing Close to Home on Fridays is Moonlight, which follows the adventures of a vampire-turned-detective. No word yet if they're using Angel spec scripts or just re-shooting episodes wholesale. It figures to pair well with Ghost Whisperer, though I wonder if it will be too "edgy" for the average CBS viewer and not enough so for former Angel viewers.

I'm pretty interested in how Sunday will turn out, as the venerable 60 Minutes will lead into Viva Laughlin, the US version of the British show Viva Blackpool. It's the story of a guy trying to open a casino in the face of family drama, a murder investigation, and musical numbers. Hugh Jackman has a recurring role, which seems like overkill. He needs this work? This might be a little too loopy to lead into Cold Case, but it'd be a nice change from the usual stuff that is on early Sunday nights.

The most notable mid-season replacement is Swingtown, a drama about wife-swappers in '70s era suburban Chicago. The only notable name among the cast is Grant Show. I'm not sure where this would go in the line-up, though I assume it'll either take Cane's place if that falters, or at 10 on Friday if Moonlight tanks and they move Numb3rs to 9. I can't see this show airing in any other time slot, given the subject matter.

CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler noted that the network wanted the new shows this year to be "daring and different," and with more variety (a good thing given their reliance on procedurals). I think they've succeeded in the variety aspect, and the shows are at least different from the expected CBS standpoint. I'm not sure if they're daring, though. I will say that I'm moderately interested in Cane and Viva Laughlin, which is more interest than I've had in the new stuff that NBC and ABC is rolling out.

It Was a Hot One, Apparently

Three singers, three songs each on American Idol last night. The first round of songs saw a judge pick a song for a singer (Simon chose "Wishing on a Star" for Jordin, Paula tapped "Roxanne" for Blake, an Randy selected "I Believe in Me and You" for Melinda). The second round had the producers pick the songs, while the last round was the singer's choice. Both Jordin and Melinda went with songs they'd done before, while Blake didn't. Don't think that will matter, but it was interesting.

No real complaints, all the performances were as expected from these three. I'm not sure they were always as hot as Randy said they were (hyperbole from Randy? Never!), but no one performed poorly.

I still think we're setting up for Melinda and Jordin in the finals, but Blake and Melinda wouldn't surprise me. If Melinda somehow doesn't make it I'd be very surprised; that could be the most unexpected result in Idol history.

Water Cooler Talking Points - House

1. House 2.0 - the patient this week is a kid who, like House, is an insufferable jackass. Unlike House, the kid is suffering from cluster headaches and is prone to violence, as witnessed by his savage beating of a chess opponent. He undergoes the usual battery of tests and early misdiagnoses - and a treatment using magic mushrooms - before going into liver failure.

2. That's a new location to bleed from - later treatments lead to almost psychotic violence, during which the patient intentionally pees himself. The joke winds up being on him when his urine becomes mostly blood. Turns out his kidneys are shot, too.

3. Checkmate - after playing a game of chess with the patient in order to use stress as a diagnostic tool, House realizes that the way the patient holds his chess pieces is indicative of a missed symptom - joint and body pain that was original ascribed to the patient's history of fighting. House then comes up with the winning diagnosis, hemochromatosis. The kid will be on dialysis for the rest of his life to get the excess iron out of his blood, but will always be a jackass.

4. Don't leave on my account - Foreman has a job interview scuttled, and assumes it was House. There's a daisy chain of accusations from House to Cuddy to Wilson to Cameron to Chase back to House. Looking back, I don't think we ever sorted out who cancelled it. In any case, Cuddy offers Foreman twice his salary and a chance to head up his own, independent diagnostic unit. He turns the offer down, as he'd still be working with House.

5. Meanwhile, in the clinic - a sunburned patient comes in concerned about the pale white spots in his sunburn. House squirts him with a syringe of saline, which he then sells to the patient's son in return for the $1.41 in change the kid has. He agrees, and House then starts placing the change in the locations the kid put it on his father's body after dad fell asleep in the sun.

Upfronts: ABC

While nowhere near as dramatic as least years bevy of new shows, ABC is rolling out nine new shows for next season - actually, it's more like six new shows and three shows we've been introduced to this season. And if NBC is following Heroes into slightly nerdy territory, you can say that ABC will continue to find its softer side in the wake of Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty, though not nearly in as pronounced a fashion as NBC's trending.

What stayed? - ABC is returning exactly one sitcom from this year's schedule: Notes From the Underbelly, which comes back at mid-season. My LaPlaca entry thanks you. There's also some talk that According to Jim's status is up in the air, even though it wasn't on the announced schedule. Thanks again. On the plus side, I did read somewhere that Knights of Prosperity may make another short-run appearance next season. No official word today, but that'd be nice.

October Road also made the cut for next season, and like Underbelly it'll show up on Monday once Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor wrap their fall seasons.

The other returning shows were picked up early, and the only notable things are the January 2008 return for Lost and Men in Trees getting stuck on Friday's at 8... which seems too early for a romantic dramedy.

What's gone - as I noted above, it was a hard year to be an ABC sitcom, as they mostly got the axe. For dramas, nothing came back from hiatus, so don't expect to ever learn what happened to The Nine or what the hell was in that box on Six Degrees.

What's new? - We'll take this day by day, as most weeknights have at least one new show.

On Monday, the sitcom Sam I Am will give a buffer between Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor for the fall, and then pair with Underbelly between Wife Swap and October Road for the spring. The show stars Christina Applegate as a woman who has come out of a coma and doesn't remember any of her life. ABC's aired worse, and it may appeal to folks who enjoy the Ava story line on Grey's Anatomy.

Tuesday brings two new sitcoms. One, Carpoolers, is about four people who share rides to and from work. Woo. The other may be the season's most talked-about sitcom debut, Cavemen. Yes, it's the show spun off from the Geico cavemen ads. I don't know if they can sustain a season on this premise, but I'll be watching. If it works, expect NBC to work up something about the heroics of the Aflac duck for mid-season.

The most changes come on Wednesday, where ABC will run three new dramas until Lost returns to take the place of whichever one tanks. Pushing Daisies is about a guy whose touch can revive the dead. This leads out into Private Practice, the Grey's spin-off, which is then followed by Dirty Sexy Money, which stars Peter Krause as a lawyer who is trying to keep out of his family firm's intrigues, but without success.

This night gives us our first battle for next season, as Practice will air opposite The Bionic Woman. It'll be interesting to see what the other networks put up here. As far as the other two shows go, Daisies is the more interesting premise, but I'd expect Money to do better given the time slot.

Thursday puts men into the mix with Big Shots, which gets the post Grey's slot. It follows four high-ranking executives and their crappy home lives. Good cast, I think - Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus, Joshua Malina, and Dylan McDermott. It'll be interesting to see if it can finally slay the dragon that is ER.

Friday's 9pm show is Women's Murder Club, which comes from a couple of writers from The Shield, which suggests promise. It's based on James Patterson's novels, which will bring some level of pre-developed fandom. They could do worse here, and at least it makes Men in Trees at 8 seem a little more sensible.

There are also some other mid-season shows out there, including:

Cashmere Mafia - yet another Sex and the City clone.
Eli Stone - where the title character has a brain aneurysm that may or may not be behind his newfound desire not to screw the little guy.
Miss/Guided - High school repeats itself as an unpopular girl returns to her alma mater as guidance counselor, but finds herself thwarted by a popular cheerleader who has returned to be an English teacher. It's like a more realistic Ed!

Overall... I'm not sure. Things seem to make sense when on the page, but it's really going to depend on ABC delivering solid programming and promoting it appropriately. Neither task is exactly in their wheelhouse. And I can't say that I'm dying to see any of these shows. I'm also not sure why The Bachelor is still around, though there must be some sort of highly selective, well-monied demographic behind it. The schedule is probably enough to keep NBC in fourth, but not enough to move ABC up.

Upfronts: NBC

It's that time of year when the networks bring in the advertisers to unveil their schedules for the 2007-08 season, hoping that they'll pre-sell as much of their ad time as possible. First up this year is NBC, who is looking to improve on their impending fourth place finish for the season.

What's Back>? - you probably heard that Friday Night Lights is back, and that Law & Order worked out a last-minute deal. Lights will actually move to Friday - good luck - while L&O moves to Sundays, while L&O: Criminal Intent moves to USA, with reruns on NBC Saturday nights. Scrubs is back, which is somewhat surprising. I should be less surprised that Medium is back, but given the way NBC has mishandled the show a renewal is the least they could do. Las Vegas is also back, for reasons I cannot comprehend.

Odder still, the more family-friendly Lights is on at 10, and is preceded by Las Vegas. Wouldn't it make more sense to have the shows swap time slots?

Oh, we're also getting 30 episodes of The Office, including a few that are an hour long. That doesn't suck at all.

What's Gone? - Crossing Jordan got the boot, and The Apprentice was fired, though it may get rehired elsewhere. A bunch of the new stuff, from Studio 60 to the mid-season shows, also got the axe.

What's New? - not surprisingly given the breakout of Heroes, many of the new shows for next season have a sci-fi or fantasy bend to them. They include:

Journeyman, about a San Francisco newsman who starts traveling through time for some reason. It's tabbed as a "romantic-mystery" from NBC, so I'm thinking it'll be a cross between Love, American Style and Quantum Leap. It gets the post-Heroes slot on Monday, so it has a chance.

Chuck, a comedic spy thriller about a computer geek who becomes a secret agent after he manages to download confidential government data into his brain. I suppose a live action Freakazoid is too much to ask, but this seems pretty close. It's on Tuesdays, stuck between The Biggest Loser and L&O: SVU. This does not seem like a good fit.

Bionic Woman, a remake of the Lindsay Wagner vehicle starring Michelle Ryan (known to you, if at all, from her time on EastEnders. This airs on Wednesday after the second appearance of Deal or No Deal for the week. It is followed by Life, a drama about a cop who rejoins the force after being imprisoned for a crime he did not commit.

Heroes: Origins, is a prequel to the current show, which will introduce some new characters. It's touted as a "supplement" to the original show, so look for it to help bridge the gap from the mini-hiatuses the show took this season to ratings-eroding effect.

I'm tempted to include Lipstick Jungle as a sci-fi themed show as it's another attempt to clone Sex in the City, even using Candace Bushnell source material. It'll debut in January 2008 once football is gone, and I don't think well of its prospects given that it'll have Dateline, L&O, and Medium as its lead-ins.

And then there's The Singing Bee which will trade off with 1 vs. 100 on Friday nights. It's a singing show that sees how well people remember song lyrics, both with the music and without. Seems more like horror than sci-fi, really.

Not yet scheduled is an American version of The IT Crowd, a comedy about technical workers (dust off those Dweebs scripts!) and "minisodes" from Jerry Seinfeld about making Bee Movie. My guess is that they'll use the Seinfeld material to fill gaps during the week and during Sunday night football broadcasts.

I suppose there's some sense to all the sci-fi related shows, as it's a niche that doesn't get a lot of air on network TV and NBC can always spin shows to the Sci Fi Channel for reruns or first runs if they don't do so well in prime time. There may be too much for the average viewer, though, and I think it'll show with Journeyman and/or Chuck. I'm imagining a big push for The Bionic Woman, which could wind up facing off against Lost if ABC puts it back into its original time slot.

All in all, I don't think this is the line-up that's going to bring NBC out of fourth place.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

1. Where "Happy" and "Birthday" do not coexist - Flashbacks this week for Ben, who we learn was not born on the island, but outside of Portland as a preemie while his folks were on a hike. His mom dies after delivery, while one of the people who pull over to help Ben and his folks eventually gets Ben's dad a job on the island as a "work man," much to dad's dismay. He basically becomes a drunken lout, and blames Ben for killing his mom on one of his younger birthdays.

2. But she still looks good - This leads young Ben to run away, and as he's out on the sonic fence line, he sees his mom on the other side (this after briefly seeing her outside his bedroom window on a previous night). He goes to run across, but she tells him not to, that it's not his time. Ben returns on a later day with the codes to shut down the fence, where he crosses and meets a mysterious stranger (who we now know as Richard) who is one of the "hostiles."

3. Wait - there were other Others? - Apparently so, as this group of "hostiles" occasionally attacks the Dharma compound and workers. Young Ben asks the stranger if he can join, but Ben is told that it may take some time. Flash forward to an older Ben, now a work man himself, who (again on a birthday) joins his dad while making a delivery. The dad seems somewhat contrite about being an ass, and promises to try to remember Ben's birthday in the future. Ben says that's not going to happen, and he kills his dad with a canister of gas. Turns out that the rest of the people in the Dharma compound are killed the same way, thanks to the Hostiles, who meet up with Ben there afterwards. At least now know where he got the fratracidal task he gave to Locke and the faux gas plan when they bugged out.

4. And the Dharmites may have company - Speaking of Locke, he and present Ben go to see Jacob, who Ben claims he answers to (but not after Locke gets to give Mikhail a nice beat down when he questions Ben taking Locke to see Jacob). They get there, and Ben starts talking to an empty chair. Locke figures this is a joke or Ben is cracked, and he goes to leave. A non-Ben voice says "help me" to Locke, and he turns around. He argues with Ben, and turns on his flashlight. But Jacob doesn't like flashlights, and there's sudden chaos. Locke leaves, and Ben follows. On the way back to the Others' camp, Ben takes Locke by a pit which contains the bodies of the gassed Dharma folks, to show Locke where he came from. Ben then adds Locke to the pit by shooting him, and then asking Locke what Jacob said. Locke eventually tells him, and Ben leaves Locke to die.

Oh, Ben also talks about how either the "hostiles" or the Dharma folks had to be wiped out, as they couldn't live together. Another paralell to our current situation.

5. Meanwhile, back on the beach - Sawyer is back, and he plays the tape for Sayid, who plays it for Kate, and so on until a mutiny is brewing. When Jack and Juliet return they are beset by angry beach-dwellers. Juliet has them play the other side of the tape, which details the plot to take Sun. But it turns out Jack and Juliet have been planning for the Others' arrival, though the details aren't given. It suggests resistance. We'll see.

Water Cooler Talking Points: House

1. Now we know how House can get some action with Cuddy - the differential of this week's case is interrupted when Cuddy comes down to have Foreman sign resignation-related paperwork. She makes some perfunctory comments about him being sure, he says he is, and she gives him a hug and wishes him luck. Foreman then announce his departure to Chase and Cameron; Cam wants to know why, while Chase plows ahead with the case. No wonder Foreman would later tell Chase that he never liked him. House, for his part, doesn't try to talk Foreman out of it, spending most of the episode goading him. Cuddy tries again later, while Chase believes that both Foreman and House are ashamed of the resignation.

2. Oh yeah, the patient - is a college-aged woman who starts coughing up blood during some martial arts, even though she wasn't touched. There's lots of give and take about this being an infection (House's first call) or something else. After she seizes and has her scalp tear open during a MRI, House diagnoses an extremely rare protein deficiency.

3. A needle in the eye - various tests and treatments (including the collection of cells from inside the eye, which was gross to watch) don't prove House's theory... until Cameron comes sneaking into his apartment to tell him she's progressed as expected for someone with the deficiency. The patient, Addie, is going to die. That is until House realizes that Addie actually tried to kill herself by ingesting drain cleaner, which caused esophageal bleeding that, when healing, left scar tissue that created a bridge between the patient's intestines and blood stream. An operation fixes this, but House breaks a promise to Addie by telling her parents how she got sick.

4. Wait, how did he figure that out? - it all goes back to the plot line whereby Wilson and House dose each other's coffee with anti-depressants and amphetamines, respectively. Wilson does this to make House feel better, while House adds speed to Wilson's joe to help diagnose Wilson's yawning (a side effect of anti-depressants). House twigs on to the dosing when he is smiling while telling Addie she's going to die; in confronting Wilson, House makes the leap to Addie never being happy and trying to kill herself. It made more sense in viewing, sort of.

5. House would like more clinic duty like this - a couple comes in because the guy's poop is floating. Both are vegans, and his stool should be sinking. House diagnoses that the guy is sneaking meat on the side. He confesses this to his girlfriend, Honey (played by Piper Perabo), who is a nutritionist (which apparently is how she knows about fecal buoyancy). House gets her personal info by having her apply for a job at PPTH. They meet later at a bar, and she quickly figures out House's interest isn't work-related. He lists the litany of his lesser traits, but she seems less freaked out by a misanthropic drug-loving meat-eating doctor than you'd expect a vegan nutritionist to be. God Bless Sweeps.

Stayin' Alive?

So it was all Barry Gibb-related songs tonight on American Idol, and after two songs per contestant there was no clear winner - outside of the opinion that Blake should put his beatboxing away for now.

All four contestants had one mediocre performance (or at least as mediocre as Melinda has been to date) and one better performance, but no one really shined. Simon thinks LaKisha and Blake are vulnerable, and I am tending to think that LaKisha will go.

New on TV: The Addison Montgomery Show

OK, it may be premature to consider this a new series - it's not been formally picked up, had its pilot mixed in as part of a larger Grey's event, and as far as I know doesn't even have a name yet. But I'm going to discuss it as if it's a new show, because I can't see ABC working this up and then deciding not to give it a go.

It starts with Addison taking a leave from Seattle Grace, which she uses to visit old married friends at one of those integrated holistic medical practices. She's not spoken to her best friend in over a year, thanks to her personal problems, and learns that her friend had her own problems, as she and her husband/medical partner have gotten divorced. They still work together and are friends, which seems to be the case. For now.

Addison has gone to see her friend for a reason - she's decided she wants to have a baby, and the friend is a fertility specialist. She does the work-up, but has to report to Addison that she's pretty much barren.

This is contrasted by the case of the week, a surrogate who, at the same time she was implanted with embryos, had sex with three men, leading to questions of both paternity and maternity. Addison also notes that the surrogate hasn't been getting a lot of pre-natal care. The surrogate has been neglecting this, but it also turns out that the practice's OB/GYN recently left the practice (driven out, apparently, by the advances of the practice's alternative medicine specialist). So Addison agrees to fill in, and discovers a problem with the pregnancy that may threaten mother and child. In the end, Addison manages to deliver the baby and save the mom, but not before she gets to berate all the possible moms and dads about how they care more about the child as property than they do about the baby or the surrogate's well-being.

Along the way we get to meet the other doctors in the practice, who are:

* The pediatrician who like to have sex with women he meets on the Internet, many of whom rob him;

* The therapist who can't get over her loser ex, especially after she runs into him at Whole Foods with his new, and very young, wife;

* The alternative medicine specialist, who is a "serial monogamist," which may explain why he and Addison have some sort of sexual tension.

There's also a B story about a couple that haven't had sex in 18 months. All the therapy isn't helping, but the actual doctoring uncovers a tumor that's likely to blame.

And that may be the problem with this show - there's a lot of talking, and not quite so much doing. Grey's could often benefit from less doing - especially between George and Izzie - but there's usually a decent balance between the soapiness and the medical drama. It is a pilot, so I suppose more talking may be needed as people are introduced.

The acting is good, and it's a pretty well-known cast that include Taye Diggs as the male half of the divorced couple, Amy Brennerman as the therapist, and Tim Daly as the alternative medicine guy. No complaints here.

I am curious as to whether or not this will be too much like Grey's in terms of inter-office romance. There's apparently a no-fraternization rule at the practice, but that hasn't stopped Daly's character from chasing off the OB/GYN, not to mention what'll happen when Addison moves in. Addison's best friend has a barely-unrequited thing for the front desk attendant, while the pediatrican made a pass at the therapist, which she was smart enough to rebuff given their friendship. I don't expect there to be no sexual tension - this is supposed to be soapy - but I think it'd be helpful if the show staked out a slightly different territory from Grey's, though I imagine it can't get too far away from the original, lest it lose too many carry-over viewers.

So I don't think this will be a slam-dunk, but it's got enough of the tone and content of Grey's to find its legs before the novelty wears off. Now ABC just has to find the right slot - and the right shows to put around it.

Water Cooler Talking Points: Grey's Anatomy

1. It's a bad month to be a Grey mommy - Susan Grey turns up in the clinic with hiccups caused by acid reflux. When drugs don't work she gets an outpatient procedure done on her esophagus. Meredith and her dad joke that Susan is making up symptoms in order to get them to talk; if true, it's working. At least until Susan returns to the hospital with complications, which turns out to be sepsis, which kills her. Thatcher isn't ready for this turn of events and slaps Meredith when she tells him, so I don't think they'll be talking much in the near future. Derek tries to console her, but Meredith finds more comfort commiserating with Izzie and Alex over some tequila.

2. Yang wishes they were Grey mommies - Yang is awoken one Saturday morning by the cackling of two older women: her mom and Burke's mom. Turns out they've been talking, and they've come to Seattle to help with wedding planning. Yang gets a little freaked out about this becoming a big wedding rather than a trip to city hall, but Burke wants a big wedding, so she sucks it up. She also asks Callie to be a bridesmaid, leading to more awkward interaction between her and Izzie during dress shopping.

3. No reason why it'd be awkward - Izzie and George wind up playing tonsil hockey on the elevator after lamenting about his planned transfer to Mercy West. They manage to stop before the elevator opens - with Callie waiting there, naturally.

4. Pre- and post-wedding cold feet - in a funny scene, both George and Burke go to Bailey for marriage advice. As they're taking up valuable clinic space and her time, she put them together to talk things out. Burke at least has the werewithal to not mention to George that he knows about him and Izzie.

5. Three languages, no waiting - the Ava plot line continues with the discovery that she's bleeding into her brain, and to fix it she needs to be awake during the operation. Sheppard takes the occasion to do some brain mapping, and we learn that Ava can speak French, Spanish, and German. That's all we learn before they have to stop the bleeding. The slim chance that she'd regain memories after the operation doesn't pan out. Alex takes her for a trip around the hospital grounds to give her new memories of simple things like feeling the wind.

Seven Day Ratings Bonanza

Last week, the Neilsen folks made public for the first time viewership figures for prime time TV shows that include people who watched the show up to seven days later on DVR. The results were pretty interesting, in that two of the week's top-watched shows - House and Lost - gained over two million viewers when the DVR watchers are added in.

When looking at the percentage of viewers gained by adding DVR playback, a number of NBC shows got some good news. Scrubs, 30 Rock and Friday Night Lights each saw viewer gains of 15 percent or more, while The Office was the percentage gain leader with numbers that rose over 30 percent.

What all this means is hard to say. Given the propensity of DVR viewers to skip over commercials, ad buyers are resistant to shell out more money for viewers who are less likely to see their spots. The networks, meanwhile, point to the increase in viewers and note that, to some extent, advertisers are getting free exposure due to rates set by traditional ratings.

How this will all play out - especially with upfronts looming - remains to be seen. I imagine the new ratings numbers will help the networks decide which shows to keep - assuming they can work out the money end with advertisers. Speaking from personal experience, while we tend to skip over ads when we're watching recorded programming, we do stop if we see somethingt that looks interesting or is from a series (such as the Mac and PC ads from Apple). Not sure how you'd quantify that for ad sales purposes, outside of improving the DVR to report back when viewers do watch the ads.

Water Cooler Talking Points - Lost

1. Locke's week at camp - the flashbacks this week cover the time that Locke spent with the others after discovering that his father was on the island. For most of the week they were camped out on the island, and while talking to some of the Others, Locke learns that they were waiting for him, believing that there's something special about him given his being able to walk.

2. Ghost stories apparently not enough - to 'officially' become part of the group, though, Ben says that Locke must make a gesture of free will by killing his dad. Locke is unable to do so, getting more grief from his dad and feeling generally ashamed about the whole thing. Locke later learns from an Other named Richard that this was on purpose, as Ben wanted to make Locke look bad in order to downplay Locke's special nature and keep Ben as the leader. Richard has a suggestion for someone who could kill Locke's dad.

3. Getting someone else to do your homework - shortly after talking with Richard, the Others break camp. Ben says that Locke can't join them unless he brings along the corpse of his dad. Thus Locke hatches his plan, using Richard's suggested killer - Sawyer. Locke returns to the beach to get Sawyer, saying he has kidnapped Ben and wants Sawyer to kill him. They go to the Black Rock, where Locke says Ben is in the brig. He lets Sawyer in, and locks him in not with Ben, but with Locke's dad. Turns out that Locke's dad is the con man who, years ago, took money from Sawyer's parents, leading to their deaths. Locke's dad doesn't feel remorse at this, and reveals his belief that they're all in Hell, based on the discovery of the Oceanic 815 wreckage mentioned last episode. Locke's dad manages to goad Sawyer enough that he strangles Locke's dad to death.

4. Movin' on - after the killing, Locke tells Sawyer to go back to the beach and warn the camp that Juliet is a mole, and that the Others will be coming to kidnap pregnant women. Saywer notes that he's been saying she's a mole, but no one believes him. Locke then produces the recording Juliet left for Ben after she examined Sun (which Locke learned of early in the Others' campout), which Sawyer can use as proof. After Sawyer leaves, Locke goes to pick up the Others' trail, dead dad slung over his shoulder.

5. Meanwhile, back on the beach - Desmond, Hurley, Charlie, and Jin have Naomi (the parachutist) hidden in Hurley's tent. There's some argument about getting Jack to look at her, but Desmond argues that he can't be trusted given his relationship with Juliet. They then turn to Sayid, who questions Naomi, and seems pretty skeptical about her story - that her company was hired by Penny Widmore to check certain coordinates, and that she took off from a ship 80 miles west of the island - until she produces her radio. Sayid gets it working, but can't find a signal. It's at that point that Kate comes across Sayid, and she learns about all of this. Instead of keeping it a secret, she goes and tells Jack (and Juliet, at Jack's insistence). Apparently there's something Juliet wants to tell Kate and the other beach folk, but Jack says they aren't ready. For what, we're not told.

Another Kiss From a Rose?

Last week it was Jack Black and Seal. This week it's LaKisha and Simon, with actual lip-lock after her performance on this week's Bon Jovi themed American Idol.

Don't get too worked up about it, it was a kiss on the lips but not worth the photons being generated on chat rooms and such. The most notable thing about it was Simon's inability to get LaKisha's lip gloss off of his lips, which was reasonably funny.

LaKisha's performance was pretty good, the best she's done in some time, but it was another night of above-average performances - with one exception. Jordin had her first truly awful night, as her rendition of "Living on a Prayer" was doomed from the start. She seemed to know this, and agreed with all the judges' criticism, which should help a little bit, though with strong performances from Melinda, Blake, and - surprise? - Phil, Jordin needs to hope she's carrying over a lot of votes from last week.

I still think LaKisha is going home, last night notwithstanding. I'm also going to choose Chris - again - though it's as likely that Phil will go, which is too bad, as of the two of them Phil is the one demonstrating growth from week to week.

The show ended with a taped thank you from W and Laura Bush, and I have to say they may be the most wooden President and First Lady ever.

Water Cooler Talking Points - House

1. The yips - Foreman, a week removed from killing a woman, runs into a similar case with a leukemia patient who has had full body radiation in preparation for a bone marrow transplant from his brother. Before that can happen, the brother comes down with an infection. Foreman's overly-cautious approach to the case causes House to say he has "the yips," and that Foreman won't get over them. This approach leads Foreman to talk the parents into accepting a partial match donor for their cancer-ridden son.

2 He apparently got over them - The transplant using partial match marrow doesn't go well, and that son is dying of host versus graft disease. The infected son is also fading fast, and House makes the suggestion that they use the cancer son - who is going to die - to find out what the other son has by intentionally infecting him, as his lack of immune system will allow the infection to grow quickly. Just before allowing this, Foreman and Wilson figure out that the infected son has a fungus, which is treatable. As Foreman is giving the son treatment, he decides that even slightly fungal marrow is better than none, and gets enough for the transplant. But he apparently can't sedate the kid before harvesting the marrow, which requires several injections. Ouch.

3. He'd rather hit for average - In the aftermath of this, Foreman decides he'd rather kill fewer patients than save as many as House does, and gives his two week notice.

4. Dog gone - In non-medical news, House has taken in Hector, Wilson's dog from hell. House tried to rid himself of the pooch by leaving out a bottle of Vicodin and later leaving his door open, but all he gets for his trouble is a stoned dog and a stolen stereo. House gets to give the dog back when he learns that Wilson's ex has had her condo association rules changed to allow pets, and House seems a little sad at this - but too sad when Hector limps over to Wilson in a canine homage to House.

5. Is this still going on? - Chase is still on his weekly reminders to Cameron about his interest in her. She still isn't interested. I have a feeling sweeps may change this.