New Year, Old TV

I'm not much of a New Year's celebrant, and from a TV perspective it offers up two of my least favorite offerings - Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve and the Tournament of Roses parade. The former offers too much hype and the painful appearance of Dick Clark, whose post-stroke speech is often incomprehensible. I hope that every year will bring a sign of improvement, but have been disappointed. The parade, meanwhile, bores me. I don't like watching parades on TV generally, and am annoyed that this particular parade is covered by something like 20 networks at the same time.

The one New Year's TV tradition I absolutely love is the Twilight Zone marathon on SyFy. It's a great alternative to the aforementioned crap and when bowl games get out of hand. As a service to you, dear readers, here's a schedule of when some of the more notable episodes will run (all times Eastern):

Saturday


"In Praise of Pip" (9:30 am) - I tend to enjoy all of the Klugman episodes, and find this one about a bookie who learns that his son has been wounded in combat especially poignant. It's taken on greater meaning now that I have sons of my own.

"The Rip Van Winkle Caper" (12:30 pm) - one of my favorite "gotcha" episodes, though more for the way the gang at the center of this heist disintegrates, proving there truly is no honor among thieves.

"The After Hours" (4:30 pm) - I find this episode creepy, less for the ultimate reveal than for the department store, with its missing floors and such. I kind of fear having the same thing happen to me.

"A Game of Pool" (5:30 pm) - to me this is the first classic episode of the marathon, as Jack Klugman's pool shark faces off against the greatest hustler of them all (Jonathan Winters) - even though the hustler is dead.

"Stopover in a Quiet Town" (7 pm) - I have to admit I like this episode because I like the comeuppance served to the main characters, a disagreeable couple who wake up after a bender unsure where they actually are.

"A Penny for Your Thoughts" (8 pm) - Dick York plays a bank clerk who can hear people's thoughts. I like the comedic tone of the episode, and it's one of my favorite ones where an unexpected circumstance allows a meek character to succeed.

"Nick of Time" (10 pm) - a newlywed couple finds themselves at the mercy of a penny-operated fortune-telling machine when their car breaks down. The episode features William Shatner as the husband.

"Kick The Can" (11 pm) - I admit I like this story of a nursing home resident who tries to get his fellow elderly to play like children more for its later reference on The Simpsons than for the actual episode. But it's still a good one.

Sunday


"The Midnight Sun" (12 am) - an enjoyable episode, both for the way people cope with the slowly inevitable date Earth now has with the sun, and for the way the episode resolves as a quasi-gotcha.

"People Are Alike All Over" (12:30 am) - enjoyed for the idea that aliens, rather than being giant insectoids with a taste for human flesh, are jerks just like the rest of us.

"Two" (2 am) - Elizabeth Montgomery and Charles Bronson star as what might be the last combatants in a war that's killed everyone else. The leads do a nice job of acting this out without the help of lengthy dialog.

"The Lonely" (4 am) - a man sentenced to a long stretch alone on an asteroid is sent a robot companion to help pass the time. A bit predictable in the outcome, but a nice example on how no man can be an island.

"The Arrival" (5:30 am) - a plane arrives at an airport without passengers, and each of the three men investigating the incident see something different. If I'm remembering this episode correctly, the ending is given kind of out of the blue.

"The Last Rites of Jeff Myrtlebank" (7:30 am) - a young man comes back to life at his own funeral, and has to convince the town that he's not the devil. You can imagine how that turns out.

"The 7th is Made Up of Phantoms" (11:30 am) - three National Guardsmen get more than they bargained for during their weekend drill when they happen upon Custer's Last Stand. Probably my favorite time travel episode.

"It's a Good Life" (2 pm) - classic episode about a town that lives to please a small boy (Billy Mumy), who can use his mind to make life unpleasant - or non-existent - if you displease him.

"The Invaders" (4:30 pm) - dialog-free story about a woman fighting off alien invaders.

"Living Doll" (7:30 pm) - Telly Savalas plays a man who has his life threatened by one of his daughter's dolls.  We have a number of toys here that speak in a similar voice and with similar phrases to the doll, so I've taken to making up creepy statements like "it's murder time" when the toys come out.

"The Obsolete Man" (8 pm) - the lesser known of Burgess Meredith's bookcentric episodes, in this one he plays a librarian who is to be put to death because society no longer needs books. I do like this one for the impassioned defense of knowledge at the end.

"Time Enough at Last" (9 pm) - the other episode, where Meredith plays a bank teller who only wants time to read - and gets it when a nuclear strike happens while he's in the vault. May have the best-known gotcha ending of the entire series.

"A Stop at Willoughby" (9:30 pm) - an ad exec finds himself wanting to get off at this idyllic town, but always just misses the stop. He finally makes it off at the end of the episode, with a neat gotcha as to the nature of Willoughby at the end.

"The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" (10 pm) - a neighborhood loses power, and the fear that it's due to an alien invasion leads residents to turn on each other, thinking that each is an advance scout for the invasion.

"To Serve Man" (10:30 pm) - the other entrant in the best-known gotcha ending, although there's a tacked on bit at the end that kind of ruins the surprise. Nicely done overall, though.

"Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up" (11 pm) - alien invasion played more for humor, as an alien is tracked to a local diner. The ending is a double gotcha, which I really enjoyed the first time I saw it.

"Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" - another classic, featuring William Shatner as an airplane passenger who keeps seeing a gremlin outside the plane, trying to cause a crash. He's the only person who sees it.

Monday


"Nightmare as a Child" (2 am) - a teacher is freaked out by a girl who knows too much about the teacher's past. I've probably under-represented the supernatural episodes, but this is one I remember liking.

"What's in the Box" (2:30 am) - a nagging couple finds their marital trouble is now being reported on the TV. I really think this would be a great basis for a movie version of The Lockhorns.

Enjoy this weekend's trip into an alternate dimension!