Televisions Second Most Exciting Season

It's midseason! So what new offerings are out there?

ABC - Most notable on the schedule is the Monday night "romance" lineup, with Emily's Reasons Why Not (starring Heather Graham), the inexplicable return of the John Stamos sitcom Jake in Progress, and the return of The Bachelor, this time a doctor who is handing out roses in Paris.

I can't say any of this interests me, which probably isn't a surprise given where I fall demographically. I'd happily tune in to look at Heather Graham if (a) this were HBO, thus increasing the odds of disrobing, and (b) she wasn't starting to take on Shelley Duval's bug-eyed look. Seriously, I find the protrusion of her eyes a little discomforting.

Thursday gives us the return of Dancing With the Stars and Crumbs, a new sitcom featuring the likes of Jane Curtin and Fred Savage. I'm sure I'll watch the former, given how the wife drew me in to the original (I suppose I'm rooting for Jerry Rice). The latter, eh. It strikes me as a watered-down Arrested Development, though it's supposed to be based on the family of the creator of Caroline in the City. That's strikes two and three right there.

Friday delivers inJustice - or is it In Justice? - where Kyle MacLachlan leads a team of lawyers and investigators focused on springing prisoners who were wrongly convicted. I suppose it's better than another police procedural. MacLachlan looks old, though I assume it's to give his character more gravitas.

CBS brings Jenna Elfman back to TV - were we really clamoring for that? - in Courting Alex, where Elfman plays an attorney who is looking for love, etc. It's based on a British show called According to Bex that I know almost nothing about, though the few comments I have seen were not kind.

On the positive, it has Dabney Coleman, which makes me want to like it. It also has Josh Randall, best known for playing Dr. Mike Burton on Ed. I may actually have to watch the first episode now. Argh.

Tom Cavanagh, Ed himself, stars in Love Monkey, a dramedy (sorry) about a single guy in the music industry. That it's an hour-long show not involving some facet of the government trying to either incarcerate or unincarcerate people, it already stands out.

CBS, in its wisdom, put the show on Tuesdays at 9. Where it gets to face Commander in Chief and an American Idol-amped House. Man, I hope Les Moonves is patient.

NBC will mostly get nods for the return of Scrubs and the return of the two hour sitcom block on Thursday, completed by the moving of My Name is Earl and The Office. One of their new shows is in that block, Four Kings. The four kings in questions are four single guys living in New York. I'm unsure if it's trying to be Friends or a male-themed Sex in the City. The Boston Globe review of it was unstinting in its criticism, comparing it to some of the lesser lights of "Must See TV" Thursdays past.

On Friday we get The Book of Daniel, where Aiden Quinn plays a minister with a variety of problems, some of which he hashes out in talks to Jesus - by which I mean face-to-face conversations, not just praying. A wackier Joan of Arcadia? Possibly.

Oh, and there are the Winter Olympics from Turin, which will take up a goodly chunk of February.

Fox is mostly returning stuff at mid-season, most notably 24 and American Idol (if you've seen more than 90 seconds of Fox primetime programming in the last month, you know about the latter show's return). The one new show: Skating With Celebrities. Why watch House and its fake injuries when you can see Dave Coulier give Nancy Kerrigan an actual subdural hematoma?

The WB brings back Beauty and the Geek and Life With Fran, but no new shows as of yet. That's kind of amazing.

U!P!N! offers two shows for people who like to look at and hear things, but maybe not pay that much attention. The first is Get This Party Started, where a team of party planners puts together an event for a deserving person. It's like Three Wishes, but with a DJ and cake.

The other show is South Beach, which tries to put some drama into the vapid Miami club and fashion scene. Jennifer Lopez is involved. Thankfully, it'll give way to a new cycle of America's Next Top Model sometime in early spring.

After seeing all this, I almost long for a show like Admiral Baby.